What's the Rush?
by Why-not-now
Summary: A/U Santana and Brittany have been only best friends for years. What happens when they move into their first college dorm together as just roommates? Will they just stay friends or will the freedom change their relationship for the good or bad?
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Note: I see you have stumbled upon my first fanfiction for glee. I hope you like it. Try not to think of the characters as in the Glee Universe, but as just plain students going to college. I decided to write this because of some feelings that i've had for my best friend for many, many years. I am trying to express my feelings using the characters, whilst staying almost true to their personalities. Brittany is not an airhead and they were never cheerleaders or in Glee. I'm sorry if that upsets anyone. I hope you like it. Please let me know what you think. Regardless i will continue because writing is my passion, but it would be awesome to hear some feedback. _

**Disclaimer: I do not own glee or any of the characters.**

Chapter 1: Moving In

We stared at each other for a moment before finally my mouth twitched. I couldn't hold in my excitement any longer. My mouth opened and I was no longer in control of the giggles escaping. Instantly as if contagious, Santana started laughing hysterically with me.

"We did it! We're here!" I yelled. I tried to run around but instead collided with some boxes on the floor.

"Yeah we did Britt." She said softly, helping me up. It was moments like these that i treasured. Moments when her eyes were the softest shade of brown and her face was completely relaxed. I stared into her eyes completely in Awe at how beautiful her brown eyes were and how well they worked with her dark skin tone. I found myself wanting to feel how soft her hair was and feel her warmth. Each thought hit me like sharp rocks; surprising and unwanted. I shook my head and smiled at her before walking over to my luggage that was piled onto my bed.

"Come on San! The quicker we unpack, the quicker we can explore." I said happily. She shook her head before walking over to her own bed and grabbing ahold of the first bag. The first item I unpacked was a large book.

"oh no," I groaned, "looks like my mom thought I would need this. There goes my plans for partying like crazy and sleeping with everyone." I laughed before placing the bible gently inside my desk. I may not be as strictly christian as my mom, but that doesn't mean that I didn't believe. Santana laughed along with me before placing her Ipod into her dock.

* * *

"Done!" I yelled happily, staring at the room. Admittedly the room was pretty small, but that didn't make it any less cozy. Our beds were In an LShape to create a illusion that there was more room. In between the two closets sat our micro fridge with the small flat screen that Santana insisted we needed. Overall the set up was perfect. My dresser was too tall to hide under my bed, so it was inside the closet and my desk was in between my bed and closet.

"Finally." Said Santana. She hopped off her bed and stood next to me, "it looks perfect." We shared a smile and for a moment I couldn't look away. It felt like we were sharing more than just this room, it was like we were starting our lives out; together. A soft knocking on the door broke through our thoughts and ended our moment.

Santana walked over to the door hastily and threw it open, while I sat on top of my empty desk and watched as her face went from happy to annoyed.

"What do you want Frodo?" she asked with her trademark smirk plastered onto her face.

"Seriously Santana, we have known each other for four very long years." I heard a loud voice scold.

"Very long," Interrupted Santana.

"Yes in fact they were very long years." Huffed Rachel, "We have even at one point I believe been slightly friends" Santana stared at her, "Okay maybe mere acquaintances. I was hoping we could put all of our differences aside and become friends." Santana's hand was twitching on the door and I could almost see the door slamming in her face. Even though Santana and Rachel never became good friends, Rachel and I did. She helped me a lot over these last few years and no matter how annoying she can be, I still am grateful.

"Santana, be nice," I said with my softest voice, with hopes that she would actually listen. To my luck her body looked less tense and she sighed.

"Fine. Come on in Fro-, I mean Berry." Rachel smiled the brightest smile yet and pranced in, "Well I must say, I love what you've done with these rather bleak dorm rooms. It looks so lively," she said looking at the pictures that I had taped onto the wall. She then turned to Santana's side and was met with a rather empty wall. Aside from a few pictures of us and our families, her wall was bare.

"Don't start," Santana said eyeing both of us. My mouth instantly closed, "So did you just come find our dorm so you could guilt trip me into being friends with you or do you have a real purpose for this lovely visit." I shrugged when Rachel looked at me, she did interrupt a moment we were having.

"Sorry, I almost forgot. A bunch of us were going to the dining hall together, I saw your names on your door and I knew it was you two. I thought you'd like to join us." Rachel said happily. Santana opened her mouth and just from her body language, I could tell she was ready to say some harsh words to poor unsuspecting Rachel.

"Sure, we'd love to," I said quickly, hoping that Rachel would take the hint and leave.

"Awesome! Well I still have your number Brittany. We will see you two at 5:00 sharp. We are all meeting at the quads dining hall."

"Great," replied Santana, "we will meet you there."

"Okay, well I need to go back to my room and prepare. I'll see you in a bit, neighbors." Rachel strolled out of the room quickly giving us the chance to digest what she'd just said. Santana's eyes widened and she ran to the open door.

"Did she just say neighbors?" I laughed and pushed her away from the door before shutting it.

"Yes she did. Maybe you could ease up on her?" I suggested, "I mean she is our neighbor and we will most likely be seeing her more often."

"No, this is one of those things that I can't do." She smiled mischievously.

"Can't or won't," I asked with a smile. I shook my head at her; this was definitely going to be a long year.

* * *

The walk to the dining hall was shorter than I expected. It was a bit windy, but overall about a 5 minute walk. Santana and I talked about our class schedules and all of the rumors of how gross the food would be. I couldn't picture not having her here with me. We'd been friends since the age of 11 and ever since have been nearly inseparable.

"Wow I didn't realize this many people lived on this quad," I said eyeing all of the students. Part of me was excited and anxious to learn which of these students I would be calling my family in four years. Just thinking of the fact that Santana and I will probably graduate with a good handful of these people excited me. We swiped our ID cards and entered the cafeteria area. With our trays in hand we walked around and checked out our options.

"Well the chicken looks edible," laughed Santana as she stabbed it with the large fork. She had been apprehensive at first of the dining halls due to all of the reviews. I rolled my eyes and took the fork from her before she could stab the meat anymore. We piled the food onto our plates and walked around the crowds to the seating area. Almost all of the tables were full.

"Santana, Brittany, over here!" yelled the unmistakenable voice of Rachel. She was seated at a round table surrounded by a small group of students. I could hear her voice even from halfway across the room. Santana of course rolled her eyes at Rachel before guiding us over to the table. She had saved two seats for us luckily.

"There you two are, I was worried you had gotten lost." She said, "Well sit down!" she laughed. "This is Quinn, Mike, and Mercedes," She pointed at each starting with the girl with the short blonde hair.

"Hi," I said happy to meet some new people. Santana nods at them. She can't be serious. I elbow her, which causes an annoyed Hi to slip out of her mouth. Before they could even reply, Rachel starts talking about how she wants to join the drama department and how we should all join her. By the time she finishes speaking almost all of our food is done and everyone looked completely bored. At this point, I have no idea what she was talking about because I could feel how close Santana's leg was to mine and my mind zoned out anything she had talked about.

"Oh I ran out of water, I'll be right back," Rachel said quickly before getting up and sprinting to the fountain. I turn to Santana who looks ready to sprint to the stairs and out the door.

"San," I whisper, "don't," she groans and then glares at me.

"So how do you two know each other and how do you know Rachel," asked the Blonde haired girl.

"We all went to high school together," I shrugged

"Yeah we're not really friends with Rachel," Said Santana with a laugh.

"San," I scolded, "What about you guys?"

"Oh Mercedes and I are friends from back home along with Mike."

"That's cool, So I'm guessing your roommates?" I asked trying to keep the conversation going. They all seem so nice and it would be awesome if we could make new friends.

"Nope I'm actually rooming with Rachel," said the blonde girl who I'm guessing would be Quinn.

"Bummer," said Santana with a wide smile on her face, "you're going to love her."

"She's definitely something else."

"I'm back." Said Rachel cheerily, "Did I miss anything?" We all shared a smile before allowing Rachel to take over the conversation.

* * *

Hours later, we found ourselves in our dorm cuddling on my bed, while watching TV. Thank goodness the school provides cable or else Santana would have gone crazy! It was bad enough that I made her sit through dinner with Rachel for nearly 3 hours, but at least now I'm glad shes having a good time. I felt a warm pressure on my shoulder and a content sigh come from Santana. Her head was now leaning on my shoulder instantly my heart started pounding. You would think that I would be used to this feeling, its weird. Whenever Santana gets close to me, my heart beats quicker, my breaths come out shorter, and I heat up like a radiator. For years this has been happening, yet it doesn't happen with anyone else. I remember when it first started happening.

I was 13 years old and watching a movie with Santana at her house. We were on her bed cuddling like usual, when suddenly her body shifts closer and she moves her head to my shoulder; my body lit up like a log on fire. I tried to count my breaths so she couldn't feel how fast my heart was beating. I felt like it was beating loud enough for everyone to hear. That was the first time I felt it. As the years progressed the feeling only grew more intense. When I was 14, I decided that maybe what I felt wasn't exactly friendship, so I decided to talk to her.

"San everything you just described, I feel for you." We were talking about love and how its supposed to feel. Santana had just gotten her first boyfriend and was trying to understand if she loved him or not. She stopped in her tracks and looked straight at me. Her eyes were wide with panic, but still gentle.

"Britt." She said taking a deep breath, "I am your first and only real best friend. Maybe you're just confusing the friendship for something else. I mean we are really close." That was the first and last time we ever discussed it. I thought that she would have distanced herself from me, but instead we grew closer.

Now as I lay back watching this movie, I can't help but wonder if what I'm feeling really is normal. I shift slightly, so as not to wake her, and just watch her. Her eyes are closed and she has a content smile on her face. Eh what's the rush in talking with her, we have the next four years to talk.

**Author's Note: So what did you think?**


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or any part of Glee.

Chapter 2: Auditions

I opened my eyes only to be blinded by the harsh sunlight sneaking through our crappy blinds. I attempted to shield my eyes only to find a weight on my arms, followed by the softest snore. Slowly I turned my head, worried at whom I'd find next to me only to have the most intense pain hit my head. What the hell happened last night? Finally gathering enough courage, I bit back the pain and turned my head. I was met with long dark hair leaning on what looked to be most of my left side. Thank god we were both wearing clothes, well at least Santana was. It looked like my stripper drunk side may have shown itself. I was wearing a shirt, but no pants by the feel of it. I tried to think back to last night, but all I got were fuzzy memories. I don't think I've ever gotten this drunk before. What was I thinking? Santana shifted her body closer causing my heart to beat faster. The feel of her body pushed up close to my own, shaping itself around my waist not only woke me up, but it woke up some feelings in my lower region. What the hell was happening to me? If this was how I felt last night then it's no wonder I drank so much. A soft groan broke through my reverie. Her head shifted again causing another soft groan.

"Britt?" she called out in a raspy tone. I tried not to shiver at the way her breath touched my ear or at how cute her morning voice was. You would think that I'd be used to this by now.

"Yea San?" I answered back softly, ignoring the throbbing my head felt as I spoke.

"What happened last night?"

I laughed softly, "I'm still trying to figure that out."

"Last I remember, we were at the party and you were crazy drunk. I don't think I've ever seen you take so many captain Morgan shots." Laughed Santana. I turned to my side and was rewarded with my favorite eyes. They were shining brightly even through her obvious hangover. "Look at you, you've only been here two weeks and we've already turned you into an Alchy." She joked.

"Ha-ha Sanny. Do I have to remind you who took care of whom in high school?" I laughed.

"Sure Britt, well actually I don't really remember most of those nights," she laughed, "Why did you get so drunk? I mean it's not like you to drink so much." She asked.

"I- I don't know." If my body was reacting the way it is right now, last night than I definitely have a good idea why I felt the need to chug down all that liquor. "Why do I feel like I was hit by a truck? Either that or I danced most of the night." I groaned as I tried to move my legs.

"Hmm I do remember some dancing," laughed San. I groaned as much as I love dancing, I can only imagine what kind of dances I performed. "Return of stripper Britt." I groaned.

"Please tell me I didn't."

"Relax, I think Quinn stepped in before anything could happen." She squinted her eyes as if trying to process her memories.

I sighed, "Thank god." She giggled softly.

"If this is how college is going to be, then I'm definitely going to love it." she laughed before sitting up slowly. Immediately I felt the loss of her warmth and fought the urge to pull her back towards me. I shook my head slightly hoping to get rid of the thoughts, but instantly regretted it. It felt like an earthquake hit my head.

"Shit," I mumbled. The bed shook as Santana jumped down slowly. She was wearing her usual sleeping clothes; tank top and shorts. My heart froze as she bent over and picked up the dress from last night that had been thrown onto the floor and smirked. Does she know what she's doing to me? I laughed at my crazy thought, how could she?

"God it looks like a bomb exploded in here." She grabbed a fresh towel and walked into the bathroom. I wasn't sure what was going on with me. Its not like I haven't felt this way before, everything just feels more intense. At least before I could just go home or date a random guy in school, but now I could barely escape. It's probably being away from my strict home that is giving me the freedom to think crazy ideas and feel odd feelings, if that makes any sense. I lay back hoping that maybe if I relaxed my mind, it would all go away.

We walked to the dining hall quickly wanting to beat the afternoon rush. Brunch was like the perfect remedy for a hangover apparently. Just thinking about all of the croissants and french toast made me smile.

"Hey guys!" said Rachel, making my head throb. Luckily I had just placed my tray down or I probably would have dropped it.

"Ugh Rachel stop yelling," I whined grabbing my head.

"But I'm not…" she huffed causing Quinn to laugh.

"Hangover?" asked Quinn with a knowing smirk. She handed me her extra cup of water, which I chugged quickly. What is it with people smirking at me? It's like they could read my mind. God I sure hope that really isn't possible. I nod causing both Quinn and Rachel to laugh. "We figured with all the liquor you drank."

"Yeah Brittany, I don't know what happened to make you drink so much, but you should really watch how much alcohol you consume. Alcohol poisoning is really common for freshmen as well as addiction to alcohol."

"Cool it Berry. She was just trying to have fun." Replied San, "She hasn't learned her tolerance yet."

"As if you have," smirked Rachel.

"Ugh its too early for a lecture," I groaned stealing some of Quinn's bread.

"Hey!" she yelled. I honestly didn't think she'd notice, she'd been gobbling down her bacon as if it was her last meal.

"Here Britt," said San handing me her last croissant. I smiled appreciatively and took it. "So what exactly happened last night?" I swear Quinn and Rachel were the perfect roomies. They were both smiling at each other with this creepy look on their faces.

"Well you and Santana were completely wasted." Said Quinn, "I mean I didn't know you could dance like that. Sure Santana and Rachel have mentioned it, but damn girl." I smiled feeling my face heat up. "It was like you were in your own element. "

"Yeah you should consider joining the dance team." Agreed Rachel. I smiled at the idea. "I hear there are actually tryouts this week." Why hadn't I thought of this?

"That's actually a good idea. Britt you should definitely try out." San said, "Oh god I can't believe I'm agreeing with Berry."

"Amazing what college does to you," shrugged Rachel triumphantly.

"So what else happened?" I asked attempting to stop any mean comment Santana would dish out.

"Well we got to the party and it was already in full swing. We got in free because that guy Puck was eyeing you down!" said Quinn. Instantly all the food in my system dropped and I felt like I would be sick. Santana wore her trademark smirk.

"He was wasn't he," She laughed, "he's definitely hot and he would be perfect for free parties." She shrugged. Suddenly images of a guy with a Mohawk flirting with Santana flooded my brain. I could remember how he was practically undressing her with his eyes and she was enjoying every moment of his attention. After that my only thoughts were alcohol and dancing. I spent most of the night dancing my stress away. I needed an outlet, maybe the dance team was a good idea. It would give me the perfect reason to dance other than at frat parties.

"Britt what do you think?"

"What?" I asked causing them to laugh. I must have missed most of the conversation by the looks of it.

"Blank out much?" asked Quinn. I looked at San hoping she'd fill me in.

"They want to know if we wanted to go shopping." I nodded happily.

* * *

The days passed quickly. I was sitting in my intro to psychology class bored out of my mind. Next to me sat Rachel, who of course was completely engrossed in the lesson. While most of my classmates were on their phones or sleeping, she was one of the few that genuinely enjoyed the class. I sighed and pulled my phone out. It was only 2:30, that means 15 more minutes until I was free for the rest of the day. Then I could finish practicing for my tryout and maybe stop at the room before to relax, plus I left my Ipod on my desk. Apparently our school had three dance teams. I was hoping to join the Hip-hop team. I spent all week creating the best routine and had barely seen San. Luckily dance filled a little bit of the emptiness. It also helped me relax my mind from the constant nagging that my feelings weren't normal for a friendship. It was so confusing. I've never felt this way for any of my friends and It's not like I've ever been in love, so I had nothing to compare it to. I wish I could talk to someone, but it's not like my parents and I are close and I can't exactly ask San. Rachel would ask way too many questions and Quinn would be just as curious; I was alone.

"Okay so remember next week is your first quiz. Make sure you study chapters 1-3." Said the Professor before dismissing us. Crap we have a quiz?

"Brittany are you okay?" asked Rachel, "You seem really distracted lately. Is it the tryout?"

"Yeah," I say, "I just need to get on this team." I reply instantly.

"Oh don't worry. If they don't take you then they must be blind. What time is it again and where? I want to be there to cheer you on." She said. I don't know why people were so mean to Rachel; she could be the most loyal friend when you needed her to be. I hugged her, grateful that I had her in my life.

"It's at 8pm in the performing arts building room B-4." I reply.

"Okay so how about we meet after your practice, maybe around 5:30 for a light meal? Then maybe after you get onto the team we can make some time to study for that quiz," she winked before opening the door to her room. For a second I just stared at her door wondering if I was hallucinating. How did she know that I was not even close to prepared for it? Did she just wink at me? Rachel was hanging out way too much with Quinn.

I stopped in front of my room door and was surprised to hear loud music playing. Santana said she had to study at the library after her sociology class. I opened the door quickly hoping to spend some time with Santana before leaving to practice. Just as the door opens my eyes widen and immediately my face burns red. On Santana's bed lay her and Puck in a heated embrace; screw that they were making out intensely. My throat closed up and part of me wanted to scream while the other wanted to run out of the room and forget my best friend ever existed. I've seen her make out with guys before, but never in a bed and never this intensely. My heart felt like it was too thick and would explode out of my chest any minute. For a second I stood there frozen that is until I heard a gasp.

"Britt," said Santana loudly, "Crap I thought you were going straight to practice for your routine." She replied pushing Puck away. I tried not to glare at him, but I felt this overwhelming need to whack him on the head with something.

"Hey Britt," he said with a smirk. Great just what I need another person smirking at me.

"Yeah sorry for interrupting, I left my Ipod," I didn't mean to sound so angry, but I felt like I was ready to explode. I couldn't stop the angry thoughts, "Have fun studying," I said emphasizing on the last word. Why would she lie to me? If I would have known then I would have saved myself from this awkward situation. Luckily my Ipod and headphones were on my desk so I grabbed them and hurried back to the door. Suddenly a warm hand found mine.

"Britt what's wrong?" she asked. I refused to meet her eyes and looked "through" her if that makes any sense.

"Nothing," I shrugged. I tried to push past her, but she blocked my way, "San please just move." I nearly begged. She nodded but didn't move.

"I'll see you at the tryout then. It's at eight right?" she asked. I nodded and then without saying another word I left. All I knew was that I had a few hours to release all of my pent up frustration and I would use them wisely.

* * *

"Jesus Britt you look like you could use a shower." Said Quinn. Rachel was behind her. The clock on the wall read 5:30PM.

"That was quite a routine." She said.

"Thanks and yeah I'm just going to head to the locker rooms. You can wait here if you want. I know how you feel about germs." They nodded as I ran to take a quick shower.

"So where's Santana?" asked Quinn, "I feel like we only see her for dinner nowadays." I was staring at my salad wondering the same thing.

"She's been really busy lately. She just joined that Pre-law group and has been trying to keep her grades up." I shrugged.

"Is she coming to your tryout?" Quinn asked.

"Yeah she said she'd meet us there at 8." I replied.

"Isn't that cutting it kind of close?" asked Quinn. She was raising her eyebrows at me; I hate it when she does that, its like she's trying to read me.

"It's fine. It's not like it's a big thing anyway. It's just a tryout." I shrug half-heartedly.

"Britt of course this is a big deal," said Quinn.

"Can we talk about something else, anything else actually," I asked.

"So how are your classes going?" asked Rachel. I smiled at her gratefully.

My phone read 7:56pm. I was seated next to Rachel and Quinn, shifting around nervously. This is ridiculous, dancing has always been my passion and I have never been this nervous. Then again being a great dancer in Ohio, does not mean that I'd be considered great in NY even if i'm upstate.

"Britt relax," mumbled Rachel. I think this is the first time she's ever shortened my name. I nodded, but her words barely registered. I looked around wondering where Santana was. She was always the best at pep talks.

"Okay everyone could you please settle down," said a tall tanned girl with dark curls, "We're about to start, could you please take a seat?" Everyone slowly started to find seats around the room.

"Is this seat taken?" asked a soft voice.

"I guess not-" I look up to see the smiling face of my best friend. She made it!

"Gosh Britt you would have just given my seat away," she scoffed playfully.

"Well leave it to you to cut it close. Plus I was kind of hoping that hot blonde over there would sit next to me," I laughed pointing at the cute guy seated not too far from us.

"Wow to think I never pegged blonde as your type Britt," she said elbowing me. That's because they're not my type, I told myself.

"Okay so welcome to the auditions for Nemesis. It's nice to see some new faces and some old. So without any more stalling we can start. I'm Janet and the co-captain of the team. When I call your name, hand Eric over there the CD and you can begin." She leaned against the podium and called out the first name. After about 15 minutes, my name was called.

"Brittany Pierce?" called Janet. Santana squeezed my hand, while Quinn and Rachel gave me a thumbs up. I stood up and handed Eric my CD then hopped onto the makeshift platform.

As soon as the music started, I was lost. I was lost in my own world. All of my nerves were released and instantly I was gone. There was no more anger, no more sadness, no more confusion, and no more pain. All I felt was freedom. When the music ended I could hear clapping, but my eyes found my favorite brown orbs and almost melted at the warmth I felt in them. She looked so proud of me. I hopped off the stage and sat back in my seat next to her. Janet called out more names, but I couldn't focus anymore. I only focused on the pinky that linked itself with mine.

"Okay that's everyone. We will email you by tomorrow. Thank you for trying out. You were all great."

With our pinkies still linked we stood up almost in sync.

"You were awesome!" said Quinn. Rachel pulled me into a short hug. I laughed and kept my pinky locked with Santana's.

"We have to celebrate this weekend," Quinn said, "I'll even get Mercedes and Mike to join us this time!" I nodded at her. I didn't feel all that stress or anger anymore. All I felt was content. The walk to our hall was quick and fun. Just knowing how amazing my friends were was enough to keep me in high spirits.

"Guys I haven't even made the team," I laughed.

"Minor details," said Rachel.

"Did you see Mike? He was awesome also! You two are going to definitely win competitions for them. You were both obviously the best!" said Quinn excitedly. She was on her second bar of her Twix and looked ready to hyperventilate.

"Okay Quinn, no more candy for you," laughed Santana as she opened the hall door.

"Yeah here we are. We'll see you two tomorrow. Brittany, we'll talk about the quiz tomorrow," said Rachel smiling at Quinn.

"Yes remember we are going out!" yelled Quinn.

"Is she drunk? I swear they put something in those candy bars." I asked as San opened the door. The room looked cleaner for some reason. "San are you okay?" I asked.

"Britt you're performance was amazing," said San genuinely. I nodded and jumped onto my semi-lofted bed. "But I feel like you were almost surprised to see me there." I didn't answer, "I'm sorry about what you walked in on. It just happened you know," she shrugged helplessly, "But you know I would never have missed that right?"

"San you have been MIA lately," I shrugged, "Plus it was just a small audition, nothing too important." I felt a tug at my heart at my words, but shook it off. Dancing was always important to me, but I couldn't expect my friends to drop everything for some small audition; it's not fair to her or any of them.

"Britt," snapped San. Suddenly she was standing in front of me, "Don't ever say that. I know what dancing means to you. That audition could easily be the start of your future dancing career and I would not have missed it for anything or anyone," she replied emphasizing the last word, "Plus how would I explain that to all of your fans when I'm tagging along with you at your future award ceremonies, if I missed it?" A small smile tugs my lips, while I raise my eyebrows.

"Who says I'll be bringing you?" I laughed as she pouted. Instantly I grabbed her hand and pulled her onto my bed with me, hugging her as soon as she landed next to me. I missed her hugs this past week. I snuggled into her warmth as she turned the TV on and pulled me closer.

Author's Note: Thanks to all who subscribed to the story. I hope this chapter was good. I'm still developing the story. What you think so far?


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the random plot

Author's Note: As promised here's the next chapter. Thanks for the feedback. It's always nice to read.

Chapter 3: Understanding

I was pacing the room with my psychology notes in hand. I only had a few more days to study and I could barely manage the second chapter.

"Britt would you stop pacing. You have until Tuesday. I don't see what the big deal is. It's just a quiz and you have like 3 days left to study." Said Santana. She was sprawled out on her bed looking through her business law textbook.

My head was starting to hurt from all the "San I can barely understand this stuff! Why do I care about some boring experiments on animals?" I groaned before throwing myself onto her bed next to her. "I can't fail my first quiz! That's not a good start!" She pushed her textbook away and put her arm around me, rolling over to face me.

"Britt what's wrong? I know you and you never stress over something like a quiz especially when you have a whole weekend to study." Instead of answering, I snuggled closer into her warmth. "Wait what time is it?" She asked, "It's like 5:30, haven't you heard from Nemesis yet?" I shook my head, "Have you even checked?" Again I shook my head, "Britt!"

I felt the need to explain, "My Iphone has my email linked to it. It hasn't gone off." I groaned. Truthfully, I was tired of staring at the screen, waiting for the email to pop up.

"Britt, when was the last time you checked your phone?"

"I don't know like an hour ago?"

"Britt!" shrieked Santana as she sat up quickly. She stared at me with an incredulous look on her face, "You know your phone takes forever to send emails unless you do it manually!" She was about to grab my phone from her desk when suddenly the door slammed open causing both of us to jump.

Rachel stormed into the room with Quinn following closely behind her. "Don't you two ever knock? I swear its like you have your own key!" yelled San. She looked at me, "Did you give them a key?" I laughed and shook my head.

"Well then don't leave your door unlocked if you aren't anticipating visitors," Huffed Rachel. Santana looked at me.

"What? Don't look at me, I didn't let them in," I laughed.

"Shut up and show us your laptop!" said Quinn as she pushed past Rachel into the room. I pointed to my laptop, which was on top of my bed still opened to my facebook page from earlier. Both girls ran to it and jumped onto it without any hesitation.

"You know its only been two weeks and you two are scary in sync and way too comfortable." At this they shared a smile, "That wasn't a compliment." They opened my laptop and started typing frantically.

"we got a call from Mercedes. Apparently Mike got the email! He said it's a mass email so everyone got it!"

"We know what a mass email is." Said Santana sarcastically. I sat up and lay against the wall next to Santana, placing a pillow behind us to lean on. We shared a quick smile before Quinn's voice interrupted.

"Here it is!" she yelled. I jumped off the bed quickly and joined Quinn on my bed.

"Open it!" I said bouncing on my knees.

Quinn smiled at me shook her head. "No, you do it." Quinn said handing me the laptop. I slid it onto my lap and double clicked the message. I quickly scanned the message and looked for my name. The first name I recognized was Mike Chang.

"Well it looks like Mike made it," I said as I kept scanning the list of the members.

"That's great, what about you?" asked Santana. Her eyes looked darker than I've ever seen them. She was staring at me intently almost as if she was trying to read my expression.

"Well I-" I started, pausing quickly for suspense, "I made it! I'm officially on the Nemesis dance team!" I yelled happily.

"Oh my god!" yelled Rachel pulling me off the bed and into a hug, while Quinn stole the laptop to re-read the email. Suddenly Rachel lets go of me and I'm being pulled into another more intense hug.

"I'm so proud of you B!" whispered Santana. I shivered as her warm breath hit my ear.

"Who knows, if you do great you can get recognition!" said Rachel interrupting our moment. I nodded at her, but knew how much of a long shot that was. Santana pulled away and I could see the large smile on her face.

"That's it we need to celebrate tonight!" Quinn yelled, "I've got a bottle of tequila, perfect for this occasion."

"When do you not have liquor," asked Santana sarcastically earning a glare from Quinn.

"Well I haven't heard you complaining the last few weekends." Huffed Quinn.

"What? Hey I'm not complaining, I'm just wondering where it all comes from. Do you just have like 20 bottles stashed under your bed for these occasions?" Quinn raised her eyebrow and turned to leave the room.

"You'd like to know, wouldn't you? We'll meet you two here in 2 hours. Be ready. Come on Rach, we need to pick out your outfit."

"I don't see-"

"Rach!"

"Coming," said Rachel as she ran out the room. Santana and I just stared at them curiously.

"I never thought I'd see the day when Rachel Berry would actually have a friend."

"Hey! She's always been my friend," I scoff earning a raised eyebrow from San, "Okay maybe not always, but I like to think of those days as my dark ones before I saw the light."

San shook her head at me. "I like Quinn," laughed San, "Now lets get ready. We needs to look ultra hot tonight."

* * *

"I want anoder one!" Slurred Rachel, "Hit me!" she yelled slamming her shot glass onto my wet desk in front of San. "Ouch Satan er I mean Santana! That hurt" Santana was laughing evilly as she poured her another shot. There were used limes all over the table at this point and half empty salt shakers (property of the Wendy's on campus) with salt sprinkled everywhere. "Come on Britt! I already poured you a shot!" yelled San.

"Thanks Sanny," I replied stumbling my way over to my desk. Quinn was laying on the floor bobbing her head from left to right to the loud music, while Santana was seated on the desk looking the most sober out of all of us. "where's my lime" I pouted.

"Right here B." suddenly a lime was shoved into my waiting hand, "We are definitely not making it out tonight."

"Okay 1, 2, 3 bottoms up!" yelled Santana as we chugged our shot. At this point the tequila was going down like water.

"It tastes like yellow! Oh my god it tastes like yellow!" yelled Rachel as she ran around the room. Finally she tripped over Quinn and landed right next to her on our hard tiled floor.

"Oh my god. I will remember this forever!" laughed Santana. She jumped off my desk, stumbling along the way to grab her phone. Rachel and Quinn were laughing hysterically. She showed me the picture before closing her phone. The music changed and suddenly I could hear the beats to my favorite songs play.

"Oh my god, dance with me San!" I yelled before pulling her towards me, "Baby, I just wanna dance, I don't really care, I just wanna dance, I don't really care, care." My head was lost in the sound of the beat, my body was flowing, no it was gliding. I felt a body brush against me and instinctively I pulled it closer. I opened my eyes only to see the closed ones of my best friend, enjoying the music. It felt amazing, just dancing with her as if we were the only ones in the room; technically we were. My only thoughts were on the warm body dancing closely against my own. Her arms circled around my waist pulling me closer. It's amazing how in tune we were with each other. It was like she knew the steps that I would take, before I'd take them. Suddenly my eyes caught hers and we just stared almost in wonder at what was happening. It was as if we were watching our bodies from afar. San and I have danced this closely, but never for fun. It was usually to get someones attentions. It felt like I was on fire and Santana was the match. In her eyes I could see a fire that was never there before or at least it was and I hadn't noticed. I wanted to pull her closer to the point where there was no space in between us. Her lips caught my eyes and I imagined myself leaning closer and capturing them with my own. I wanted to taste her plump lips against mine and imagined how soft they would feel. My eyes hovered over her lips and traveled up to her eyes. I wondered what she was thinking.

"You guys are all kinds of awesome," slurred a drunk Rachel. Her arms went around both Santana and me as she pulled us closer for a group hug. "Oh I don't feel so well." She cried before she ran into our bathroom.  
"Shit!" mumbled San as she pulled away from me, "Berry if you miss that toilet, you will be wiping my floor clean with your shirt and scrubbing it with your toothbrush! Berry!" she ran into the bathroom without sparing me a second glance.

* * *

"Oh my god San. It's just dinner," I said annoyed. San was standing in front of the mirror in maybe the hundredth outfit.

"I know, but its still a date and I need to look good," she shrugged.

"It's just Puck. You two have been seeing each other on and off for the past 2 months," I replied rolling my eyes.

"Yes but today he might actually make us official. I have to look good," she groaned, "Please Britt help." As much as I didn't want to give her an outfit that would make him drool, I couldn't refuse. It was already nearing November and I still hadn't had the chance to really dig deep into these feelings especially how intense they felt that night. Lately i've been reliving the moment in my day dreams and couldn't help but think of what would have happened if Rachel hadn't interrupted. With school and practice for Nemesis, I didn't really get the chance to deal with the feelings or talk to anyone.

My phone buzzed and a mass text was displayed on the lock screen, "Oh yeah remember my first dance competition is tomorrow afternoon. It'll be in the performing arts building at 3pm okay." I told her as I put the phone in the pocket of my sweats. I looked through her various dresses before I picked out a pretty red dress. "Here this should be perfect."I handed her the dress and watched as her eyes lit up. Butterflies erupted in my stomach and I suddenly wished that sparkle was for me.

"It is! Thanks Britt!" she threw off her blouse and shimmied out of her skirt quickly. I wanted to look away, but how could I. For a business law student, she has a rocking body. "Britt could you help me with the zipper?" she asked interrupting my thoughts. I nodded and moved behind her. I could picture myself unzipping the very same dress and helping her out of it just so I could see that body once more. I shook my head lightly and zipped her up. She looked more than perfect, she looked stunning. I swallowed thickly and stepped away from her so she could take in her reflection. "Wow."

"yeah." I replied walking back to my bed. I needed to talk to someone as soon as possible because this was getting ridiculous. I shouldn't be feeling this way. I should be happy that my best friend was finding happiness with some guy, not the opposite.

After half an hour Santana was finally ready to go. There was a loud knock on the door.

"perfect timing," she said excitedly.

"I got it." I yelled giving her extra time to finish. I open the door to see Puck wearing dark blue jeans and a black button down. I have to admit the guy can really clean up. "Looking good Puck," I said trying to smile. I'm pretty sure it looked more like a grimace than anything.

He opened his mouth to answer, but a voice interrupted him, "Hey Puck I'll be ready in a second," yelled Santana from the bathroom. He sat awkwardly on her desk chair, facing me and said nothing.

Our eyes connected and I felt my confidence increase. "Take care of her Puck," I stated, "I mean it." It probably should have sounded more menacing. I mean someone had to give him the talk, but I just couldn't find the proper words. What could I say really?

"Okay I'm ready," She said breaking the silence that followed, "Don't wait up Britt."

Hours later, I lay in my bed bored out of my mind. I think this has been the first weekend that I spent without her. Usually we are at some party or in our room together. I never realized how dependant I am on Santana or how much of a problem that is. A knock on the door broke my thoughts gratefully. In front of my door stood Rachel.

"Hey Rach whats up?" I asked inviting her in. Usually I kept the door unlocked, but lately the RA's had been checking due to security measures. Long story short, they threatened to write us up if our door was unlocked again in the night, even if we were in the room.

"Nothing Brittany. Quinn's home for the weekend and I didn't feel like drinking." Rachel looked tired. Her usually neat hair was in a messy bun and she was wearing sweats.

"Let me guess this is your first weekend apart too." She nodded and laughed. I grabbed us some waters and turned the TV on.

"It's odd. I've only known Quinn since August and I already feel...attached." She looked deep in thought for a moment, "I guess i'm not used to having a friend who really wants to spend time with me." I smile apologetically at her, "Sorry Britt, I consider you to be almost a best friend, but it took us years t get to that point." I nod understanding her, "So Brittany how's everything?" she asked changing the subject.

"I've been good. Classes are going pretty well and I can't wait for the competition tomorrow. It's going to be awesome," I shrugged. "Are you okay Rach?"

"Yeah I'm fine," she answered after a moment. We stared at the TV in a comfortable silence before I built enough courage to talk to her.

"Rach can I ask you something?" I asked. She nodded, "How do you know when you like someone? Like I mean really like and not as just friends?"

"Brittany didn't you date like a hundred guys back home?" she asked, "So shouldn't you know."

"No Rach, only like 6 and they were never really steady except maybe Artie. Even with him we lasted like 3 weeks. I was always flattered by them, but I never really felt anything special for him. Sure I did like him, but it never really became more."

"Well how exactly does this friend make you feel." At this is grimaced a bit. If only she knew.

"Well I feel different. Like they get me. I just get lost in their eyes and haven't felt as safe unless I'm in their arms. Nothing feels right unless I'm with them... It's like whenever their around my heart beats so fast and my breath runs short, and I can't help but smile," I answer, "She can either make or break my day, which is crazy and makes me feel bi-polar! She drives me crazy, yet I love it" I finish causing Rachel to smile.

"I knew it," she said with a large smile.

"Knew what?"

"You said she," smiled Rachel. This was getting very creepy, "Who exactly is she?" she wore a knowing smirk.

"Okay you hang out with Quinn way too much. I did not say she," i reply turning away from her.

"yes you did. Come on just say her name!"

"Why don't you seem surprised?" I stared at her. Rachel shrugged but refused to answer quickly. Finally she looked at me and opened her mouth, but nothing came out.

She shrugged, "it's obvious who you're talking about. I mean the only other person you spend time with aside from us are your nemesis friends. Plus I went to high school with you and have lots of experience with your mood swings. I just want to hear you say it,"

"Fine im talking about Santana." I groaned, "I just don't get where I went wrong."

"Britt you didn't go wrong. Its totally normal to like your best friend. In fact most girls usually go through this phase at least once."

"So if I've been feeling this since I was 13, would this be considered a phase?" I ask.

"Jesus Brit its been 5 years! How long were you planning to wait to tell her?"

"Umm I did, when I was 13. We came up with the conclusion that I was mistaking our friendship for something more."

"That's ridiculous. Was it you or Santana that decided this? Britt do you feel that way with Quinn or me?" she asked.

"No offense, but no."

"None taken. You see, don't you think you'd feel the same way for us if it were JUST friendship? Brittany its okay what you're feeling. I think you should talk to her. I mean you're not getting any younger."

"gee thanks Rachel. You always know what to say," I reply sarcastically.

"Shut up Brittany," laughed Rachel, "Look just go with your gut feeling. At least you know you tried even if she says no."

"But this is our friendship Rach. What if I ruin it?" I ask helplessly. I don't know what i'd do if she stopped talking to me.

"Honestly Brittany, would you rather hide your feelings until they get so bad to the point where you start to hate her or wouldn't you rather get them out of the way. You never know. I'm not saying profess your undying love. I'm just saying when the time feels right do something to show her or tell her, I don't know." she answered, "Look just think about it. How would you feel at her wedding? Picture yourself as her maid of honor walking down the aisle and knowing that you have to watch someone who you've had feelings for, for quite some time marry someone else. Wouldn't that hurt more?" she asked. I stared at her and processed what she had just told me. I think that's a bit extreme, but I can see where she's coming from, "Crap I was supposed to call my dads." She said looking at her phone, "Sorry Brittany. Just know that I'm here for you if you need me." I nodded and watched her leave. My mind was on overdrive as it imagine different scenarios with the same outcome. Part of me wanted to just stop thinking and take control of my life, but the other part wanted me to bury these feelings into the farthest corner of my mind. This isn't high school and I definitely can't relive my boy crazy days just to forget. Is that really what I was doing? Did I really just feel the need to date so many guys just to get over my feelings? Now that I think of it every time I jumped into a relationship it was because I was upset or felt alone, it was never out of genuine like. The only time it was, was with Artie. I even thought that I could fall in love with him, but then I realized how distant Santana and I had become and eventually broke it off. With a shrug, I turned up the volume on the TV and immersed myself in another world, if only for a few hours.

* * *

"How are you feeling Britt?" asked Sam. We were both stretching, while waiting for our turn. Two teams had already performed and I must say that they were pretty good.

In all reality I felt ready to vomit. I had nerves dancing in the pit of my stomach that just didn't want to leave. I nod quickly, "Yeah of course, why wouldn't I be?" I asked bravely. He laughed and then grabbed my hand that had been shaking.

"Relax Britt. You're awesome and one of the best dancers we got. I remember my first time, I can't believe its only been a year." I nodded at him and checked my phone. Santana still hadn't texted me and it was already 3:58pm. Rachel was already in the audience with Mercedes. This was it, this was my very first performance as a college student.

"Ready Britt?" He asked. I nodded and followed him backstage to join the rest of the group.

"Alright guys, we've worked our butts off for this. I know that we're amazing, but its time to show the campus and these three other schools how amazing we are. We got this guys." Said Janet happily, "Now lets do this!" Everyone cheered loudly.

"Let's give a warm welcome to Nemesis!" yelled the hosts. Suddenly the lights dimmed and half of the group runs onto the stage. Sam looks at me and smiles before running onto the stage. The music starts and I wait for my cue before joining.

In reality the dance was probably about 5 minutes, but it felt like the longest adrenaline rush I've experienced in a while. I was so entranced by the music that when it ended I was almost surprised. We ran off the stage each wearing huge smiles.

"we killed it!" yelled Tammy, one of the seniors on the team. All of the team was hugging and surprising enough I was pulled into a group hug with Mike, Sam, and a freshman named Jennifer. Luckily we were the last performance so we didn't have much waiting to do. It was a weird feeling being on a stage full of people that I barely knew awaiting news of a victory. We all waited patiently as the hosts attempted to be funny. Janet looked ready to kick one before they finally decided to put all of us out of our misery. I scanned the crowd, hoping to get a glimpse of my favorite brown eyes when I heard, "Finally First Place is... Nemesis!" Applause erupted and the team started hugging everyone in sight. I found myself being pushed around to hug different people until a short brunette caught me.

"You won!" squealed Rachel as she threw her arms around me.

I laughed and hugged her back, "You mean the team won. I didn't do much Rach."

"Minor Details Britt. Don't put yourself down!" she yelled, "You were great!"

"She's right you know B," said the voice that had been on my mind most of the day. I turned around quickly to meet the smiling face of my best friend.

"You're here!" I nearly yelled. My heart increased in speed and I threw myself into her open arms.

"Of course I am. Where else would I be?" she asked, "You were amazing"

"Thanks San." She held me for a little longer until a deep unwanted voice broke the moment.

"Hey babe you ready to go?" Puck circled his arms around her waist and snuggled into her back. I swallowed hard and plastered a fake smile onto my face.

"Hello Puck," said Rachel. I had almost forgotten she was there.

"Rachel," he shrugged, "Babe if we leave now we can make it in time for the Finn's pre game." Babe? Since when do they use pet names? What the hell?

"I-" San looked at me as if asking for permission. What was the point? She's 18 years old, I'm not her guardian.

"You're not celebrating with us?" asked Rachel. Santana hadn't broken eye contact with me.

"I don't have to Britt. If you want I can stay with you two."

I wanted to cave and tell her to stay, but that insecure part of me knew that if she wanted to hang out with us then she would have told him that.

"You two could always come," said Puck. He sounded so reluctant that I wanted to say yes just to piss him off.

"Its okay. Go have fun" I answered with as much enthusiasm as I could muster.

"Are you sure?" she asked. I nodded. "Okay Britt I'll see you later in the room then."

I watched them walk away and felt a rush of different emotions. My adrenaline rush was wearing off and suddenly all I wanted to do was cuddle in my bed and sleep.

"Britt are you okay?" asked Rachel timidly as I watched them walk away; hand in hand. A new feeling erupted in me. I just wanted to forget. Actually I needed to forget, even if for one night.

I nodded furiously, "yeah, you know what? Let's party. I just want to dance." I said feeling a new rush of excitement.

"You sure?" she asked, "You know you just spent a good portion of your day dancing."

"Rachel." I growled.

Hours later I was in my element. The music was blaring, the floor was dark, and I was dancing with Rachel on the crowded floor. The club was roaring with life and I was finally feeling at ease, then again that was probably due to the many shots I had drank with Rachel. Thank god Rachel knows where Quinn keeps her liquor. I think we almost finished the bottle of Vodka.

"Best idea EVER!" Rachel yelled.

"Definitely!" I yelled back. Hands encircled my back and I turned to find myself facing Sam. I pushed him playfully away and turned around as the beat changed and a reggae song played. Sam placed his arms back on my waist and together we moved to the beat. His arms were warm and soothing and for the moment it wasn't about safety, but about forgetting. I danced as if it were the thread that I was hanging from; my lifeline.

"Britt I can't feel my feet anymore," slurred Rachel. She managed to move in between Sam and I and was staring at me intently. "I wish Quinn were here! I miss my roommie. Why did she have to go home?" asked Rachel drunkenly. "And why did you let San-Satanatan walk away?"

"Who?" I asked stumbling to the side only to be caught by strong arms, "my hero." I batted my eyelashes playfully and then broke out laughing along with Rachel.

"Maybe I should get you two home." Asked Sam.

"But it's so earlyyy" I whined.

"Actually it's a little after 2Am,"

"Really?" my eyes widened, "It felt like earlier." I open my bag and attempt to look for my phone to double check when an arm grabs onto mine.

"come on. Rachel looks like she's going to pass out." Sure enough she looked flustered and her legs were wobbling.

Sam called us a cab and together all three of us rode to the dorm. As the cab drove through the empty streets, I took out my phone and was looking for through my contacts. At least I was trying, but everything seemed to be spinning. I turned my phone sideways hoping it would help stop the spinning, but it made it worse. I moved my finger and noticed the screen change color.

"Crap," I mumbled trying to end the call, "Rachel it won't end!" I nearly yelled scaring half the car. The driver was glaring at me through the mirror, while Rachel looked ready to start giggling again.

"Hello?" answered San, "Britt?" I held the phone to my ear and hesitated to answer, "Britt?"

"San?" I answered, "Sorry I must have butt dialed you." I lied giggling as Rachel laughed.

"You said Butt," she laughed poking my face, "she said Butt!"

"Is that Rachel? Is she okay?"

"Yeah San we're just peachy," I giggled.

"Britt where are you? It's late."

"Don't worry we are good. Sam's taking us home," I said,

"Who the hell is Sam?" she asked, "Where are you I'll come get you"

"No need. I'm great San. Have fun with Puck. I have to go." I said trying to end the call, "Why won't you hang up!" I mumbled annoyed before holding the off button and shutting the phone off, "Perfect."

"Thanks," Rachel told the driver as we left the cab. "You're awesome..." Sam shut the door and attempted to pull Rachel and I into the hall.

"It would be easier if you two would let me pull you." Sam said breathlessly.

"But, whoa look at the stars!" said Rachel, "They're so bright! They twinkle! Its like Quinn's eyes when she's happy!" yelled Rachel dreamily. Sam and I looked at each other before laughing hysterically.

"Come on ladies. I don't think ive ever had this trouble getting a girl to follow me to a bedroom." Laughed Sam as he managed to get us into the Hall. "Okay who's room is closer?" he asked. Rachel and I pointed at each other before bursting into giggles. "Come on work with me girls."

"Come," I stumbled, "Mine is." I pulled his hand and dragged him to my door. Thank goodness it was on the first floor, I doubt I would have made it up the stairs.

"Where's your keys?" he asked.

"In here," I replied throwing the purse at him. He opened it and managed to unlock the door. As soon as it opened we stumbled through. Just as I was about to run to my bed a figure sitting on her bed stopped me.

"Hey San," I said nervously, "Fun night?" I asked. She was already in her pajamas and looked ready to kill.

"Britt what the hell? How much did you drink tonight?" asked San as she took in my appearance.

"I don't know," I laughed stumbling towards my bed, luckily she caught me before I could fall.

"Are you going to help?" she asked a figure by the door.

"Sorry. You must be the famous Santana," said Sam as he grabbed onto my arm.

"Watch your hands," she growled, "I'm guessing you're Sam." They carried me up onto the bed and she pushed his hands away and put the covers over me.

"Mmm thanks San." I mumbled snuggling into the covers.

"You can go now," she said harshly to someone.

"Okay. Let me just take her-"

"Uh no. She can stay where she is. She looks so comfortable. You can go." Said San.

"Alright. Tell Britt to call me in the morning."

"whatever." She said. I could hear the malice in her voice.

"San" I yawned, "be nice." Then I let my eyes close.

Author's Note: Hope that wasn't too long. I know there has been a lot of drinking, but its college. I know firsthand how easy it is to drink away problems. will Britt learn? lol Thanks for reading, i appreciate it. The next chapter will definitely be better.


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: was Hoping to update sooner, but I live in NYC and unfortunately was called in to work overnight at the pethotel that I work at due to the hurricane lol.

Chapter 4: Thanksgiving

As soon as my eyes opened, I felt that familiar sting of sunlight hitting me. I turned away trying to hide from the sunlight, but instead all I felt was pain.

"Ugh," I groaned. My head was pounding and I instantly felt everything I'd eaten and drank last night making its way up my throat. "Oh no!" I jumped off the bed trying to ignore the beating my head was feeling and ran to the bathroom, falling onto the floor quickly. After a few minutes, I was leaning against the toilet, having vomited the most that i've ever done ever. Surprising enough, the queasy feeling was disappearing, leaving only the headache. I brushed my teeth, hoping to get rid of the vomit breath and stumbled out of the bathroom. Just as I opened the door, a figure blocked my path.

"You okay?" asked Santana. She was leaning by the door with a bottle of water in hand and something small in the other.

"Sorry, didn't mean to wake you, "I replied glumly. I closed my eyes, hoping it would help my head.

She gave me a hard look, "Britt its okay." She stepped toward me, "Here," she said handing me the bottle of water and what looked to be advil. I smiled gratefully and took the pills, while chugging the bottle of water. Leave it to San to take care of me, even after how horrible I was to her last night.

We exited the bathroom and I found myself tripping over a heavy object. "Thanks," Santana had grabbed my hand in time. I tried not to focus on the her hands that had encircled my waist or how close her body was to mine.

"Watch it Britt," she said with a serious expression. I nodded at her and squinted my eyes.

"What was that?" I looked down and noticed a body sprawled on the floor, "Is that Rachel?" San smiled, "San!" I hit her arm and glared at her.

"What?" she asked, "Don't give me that look. She looked more than happy on the floor. Plus I gave her my sheets. What more could she want?" she asked.

I looked at the hot pink sheets and tried not to laugh, "You gave her the pink sheets your mom forced you to buy. That doesn't count." At this point my mouth was twitching and I couldn't stop the smile from breaking onto my face.

"Hey she should be grateful, I could have left her here alone without any sheets." Scoffed San, "Plus she looked happy and comfortable snuggled with the floor." I looked at Rachel whose hair was in complete dissaray, and covered her whole face.

"Can she breath?" I asked trying to spot any movement.

San squinted at Rachel, "I think," replied Santana, she shifted closer to Rachel, "Yep! Look she's twitching." I laughed, forgetting how badly my head hurt.

"Ouch," I yelped grabbing my head. I stared at San and wondered how she could look so beautiful in the morning. Her hair was piled onto a messy bun, yet she looked radiant. Her eyes were an amazing brown color and looked like they were sparkling. Part of me hoped that it was because of me that she was so happy, but then again she did spend most of her night with Puck. "Why aren't you hungover? I thought you went to Finn's pre-game." I asked stepping over Rachel carefully to get to my bed. I forgot how high up my bed was, I usually had to jump up just to get onto my bed, but somehow I knew that there was no way I would make it without my head hurting.

"You can join me," said San understanding my dilemma. I smiled gratefully and joined her on her bed. "I was, but- I don't know. I felt bad," she shrugged, "I felt like I was missing an important night with you. Plus I wasn't exactly having the time of my life with Puck. All he ever wants is one thing." she sighed staring at her hands.

"He's a guy," I answered glumly.

"I guess," she replied thoughtfully.

"If you wanted to come with us then you should have," I told her softly.

"I wasn't sure if you wanted me to," I blinked at her. When do I not want her around? If it were up to me then we would be spending time with each other all of the time. "I mean you barely batted an eyelash before telling me to go."

I sighed, wondering how we got to this point. I don't remember the last time we've ever over analyzed everything we've said to one another. "San," I called out to her. She looked up at me and waited for me to speak, "I'll always want you around, but I figured if you wanted to stay then you would've," she nodded understanding the ridiculous misunderstanding that we created.

"It was weird... to see you so drunk and not be there. You know to not be there to make sure you were safe." she said with a soft smile, "I was worried when you called. You were so drunk and I felt like I should have been there with you." She stared at me and for a moment she looked like she was in deep thought.

"I remember the whole night actually," I cut her off. I preferred to not recap too much. My memory of the night was nearly perfect sadly. I remember how hurt I had been when she chose Puck and not me. I remember how my sadness turned into anger and soon I was drinking alcohol like it was water.

"It was like an eye opener. When you said 'no need,' I was so surprised. It made me realize that all of these years we've always protected each other in our own ways, but maybe we don't need each other anymore. When did we grow up?" she asked sadly.

"San, I was drunk and we were in the cab when I drunk dialed you. I had only meant that you had no need to pick me up." I said, "I'll always want you around San and i'll always need you. I don't think that will ever change. Sure we're growing up, but I don't think that means that we won't need each other anymore."

"I'll always be here Britt," she promised making me smile brightly.

"Good because you're stuck with me." I promised her, "So are you not mad at me for last night?" I asked.

"Of course not," She laughed.

"Good because you definitely owe Sam an apology." Her grin disappeared.

"Britt," she whined pushing me away.

"Ugh," groaned a loud voice. We both turned to see Rachel. Her hair was plastered against her face and I could make out one of her brown eyes through her strands of hair. She rolled over and groaned again, "My head," she cried wriggling against the floor, "What the?" She stood up quickly causing her face to turn a greenish color.

"Careful Rachel," I warned, "We'd rather you not puke all over our floor."

She nodded and took a deep breath, "Brittany?"She squinted a little, "Oh god how did we get here? Wait why am I on the floor?" she asked glaring at Santana.

"Hey don't go blaming me midget. You're the one who passed out on the floor. Do you know how heavy you are to move, especially when you're dead weight."

"Why do I feel like I hit my head a dozen times?" she asked. I looked at Santana who looked a bit guilty.

She looked at Rachel and smiled slightly, "You may have hit your head when you fell onto the floor. You're actually really clumsy."

"What?" she yelped, "And you let me sleep?"

"Stop being so dramatic" scoffed San, "I tried to wake you, but you were dead to the world. By the way did anyone tell you, you snore." Said San bluntly.

"I could have died! What if I had a concussion?" Rachel was searching her head for bumps.

"Well you didn't did you? Pity that. Plus what did you expect? You fell onto my floor while I was helping Britt into her bed. If you would have waiting patiently like any normal drunk then I could have put you in my bed." she said irritated.

"Right and where would you have slept? On the floor?" she asked angrily, "Like you would have given up your bed for me."

San was looking at her thoughtfully so I stepped in, "Duh she would have slept in my bed," Now thinking about it, I was getting annoyed. Why couldn't Rachel have been a good drunk? Rachel looked at me for a moment before shrugging. I guess she forgot that no matter what i'm feeling, San is still my best friend.

"So what exactly happened last night?" asked Rachel. Santana and I smiled evilly at one another, this will be fun.

"Well it started with lots of Vodka and ended with a stripper pole-" I shrugged, "Which would you like to hear about first?" I asked innocently.

"W-What?" stuttered Rachel.

* * *

The weeks flew by and soon we were preparing for our first trip home.

"Really Britt," said San annoyed, "We should have gotten first class," It's no secret that Santana's family has money, not that she's ever flaunted it to me. Her parents are both successful doctors, thusfore they make tons of money. I know she would have spotted me the money for first class, but I just felt the need to ride in coach. "I barely have any leg room," she complained, extending her legs. Although she did have a point, I was hoping that she wouldn't be like this for the whole trip. As much as I love the girl, I don't think I could deal with 5 hours of her whining. "And you call this entertainment?" she asked puzzled at the small TV with a cheap remote hanging from it.

"San!" I whined, "Look I promise next time we can ride first class, but just this time could you please try to have fun. You're with me" I told her.

"Sheesh, I am trying," she huffed earning a raised eyebrow from me. "Fine i'll try harder."

"Thanks Sanny," I smiled kissing her cheek. My lips tingled and I tried my hardest to look like that kiss hadn't affected me. I tried my best to rid my head of the new thoughts that had taken over. Instead of thinking about how soft her cheek was or how soft her lips must be, I tried my best to think of home and getitng through the next 5 hours. She nodded at me and sighed.

For the next few hours we watched TV together. We had been closer than ever for the last few weeks. For some reason, not that i'm complaining, Santana didn't spend that much time with Puck, which made me wonder what did happen that night at dinner. Santana didn't seem to want to talk about it, so I hadn't bothered to ask. I figured that if it were important than she would have told me.

"We will be arriving in Dayton International Airport in 5 minutes. Please put your seat belts on and close all trays. Also I ask that you please turn off all electronic devices. Thank you for traveling with American Airlines and we hope you enjoy your stay in Ohio." Said the flight attendant.

"Wow we are a little early. What time did you tell your dad?" asked San. I checked my phone before shutting it off.

"Don't worry, I told him 5:30pm. Plus we still need to go to the baggage claim because someone decided to bring the biggest luggage she can imagine," I replied rolling my eyes.

"Britt you can never have too much clothes," scoffed San.

"Yeah but we're only here for 3 days."

"You never know where we might go or who we might see." she shrugged. The plain titled downwards slowly and a few minutes later we were pulling into our terminal.

"I don't know. The only people I am hoping to see is my family, your family, and that's it."

"Britt! All our old friends are going to be home. Don't you want to see Tina or Blaine?" she asked. In all honesty I had forgotten that they would be home and I wasn't sure that I was ready to see them all again. "You forgot didn't you?" she asked.

"Maybe," i replied guiltily, "I just have had a lot on my mind. I mean with school, dance, and college I haven't really been able to keep up with anyone. They're going to kill me."

"Relax Britt, i'm sure they were busy too. Don't worry they probably won't be too upset," she replied softly, "Now come on! I want to say hi to papa Pierce." I laughed and together we left the plane along with all of the other passengers.

"Mrs. P." yelled San happily. My dad had taken our luggage to the car. Instantly she was by my moms side, hugging her tightly. I watched in admiration at how easily San fit into my family. My parents were easy to talk to, but they didn't take to my friends as well as they did to her.

"How are my two girls?" asked mom. As soon as she let go of my mom, I was in her arms. Three months was way too long to be away from home. As much as I loved living away from home, it still didn't change the way I felt for my family.

"We're great," smiled San.

"So your flight was good?" mom asked.

"Yep," I replied challenging San to say otherwise. To my surprise she stayed quiet.

"Yeah it was awesome Mrs. P." she replied genuinely.

"Good, good. So your parents agreed to Thanksgiving dinner at our house this year. You're going to love it Santana!" said mom enthusiatically. I could see a small smile on her face. "Okay I wish you two could stay a little longer. I can't believe you're only staying until Saturday. 3 days is not nearly enough time!" She replied.

"Yeah mom. I know but we have class Monday and homework," I shrugged. It did suck, but I figured 3 days home would be more than enough time. There's only so much time that I could spend with my family before I go insane.

"I know," mom replied glumly, "Well we can't obsess over the small stuff. I'm glad you both made it. Come on." The drive went by quickly. We caught up with my parents for most of the trip. "So Santana we'll see you tomorrow then for Thanksgiving?"asked Mom as we arrived in front of the Lopez's large home.

"Of course." she hugged me before heading to her home. Tonight would be a long night alone in my house. At least I have my family, I told myself. That didn't make me feel any better.

* * *

"This dinner is delicious Mrs. P." complimented Santana after she swallowed a mouthful of turkey. We were seated at the table chatting happily.

"Yes Bridgette, you've really outdone yourself. This dinner tastes great," said Mrs. L. My mom had spent nearly all last night and all of this morning finishing the dinner. I'd like to say it was fun, but my mom is like a slave driver when guests are due to come over. I spent most of Thanksgiving with my older sister Carla cleaning and cooking and by the time we were finished I was completely exhausted. The only reason I was awake was because of my excitement to seeing Santana and her family.

"I'm glad," said mom happily. I could easily see what kept our families so close aside from San and my friendship. Somehow our parents kept each other sane. San's mom and dad were more outgoing even if they were not always around for San. Compared to my strict household, they were amazing.

"So girls, how's school?" asked dad, "It feels like we never get to speak with you lately." I looked away guiltily. Ever since school started, I had only been able to talk to my parents about once a week that is if we weren't too busy.

"Schools good daddy," I shrugged praying that he wouldn't make me continue.

"Yeah Mr. P. My pre-law group has been pretty good. I love my business law classes," replied San enthusiastically. My dad nods and smiles.

"What about you honey? Are you also taking extra curriculars?" he asked me.

"Not many dad, i'm just focusing on getting good grade before overwhelming myself with too many activities."

"But Brittany its good to have some hobbies on the side."

"I know and I do-"

"Actually you should see the dance team that Britt's joined. Its the best on campus."

"Dance? You didn't tell us you were thinking of joining a dance team," I stared guiltily.

"I know, it never came up," I shifted uncomfortably bracing myself for the onslaught.

"Brittany we discussed this." I hated the look he was giving me. My dad looked so disappointed in me, it was killing me.

"I know daddy, but you just said it would be good if I immersed myself in different clubs and hobbies," I argued

"But dance? Honey we just don't think its appropriate."

"why? I love to dance. It keeps me from getting too stressed," I argued. "Shouldn't I be allowed to join clubs that I enjoy?"

"well I think its great that Brittany has found a hobby that she loves. she's always been an amazing dancer," said Mrs. L. I smiled gratefully at her. This is why I love Mrs. L. So much.

"We never said she wasn't any good. It's just not a stable future for her." A pinky grazed my own and suddenly took mine. I made eye contact with San and she tried to smile, but failed.

"I'm glad schools going good girls." Said Mr. L. effectivally ending the conversation.

"I'm so sorry Britt." apologized San. We were in my bedroom laying on the bed, allowing our stomach to digest all of the food.

"It's okay San. You couldn't have known. Plus you were just trying to defend me." I shrugged.

"Why didn't you tell them?"

"well you saw their reaction, didn't you?" She nodded, "They have always had such strong opinions about my future. It's like they already have it planned out."

"Britt-"

"Can we not talk about this?" i asked, "It's supposed to be the holidays. I don't want to worry about this."

"Okay sure. How about we go shopping tomorrow? I mean its black friday and all. who knows what we'll find? Hell i'll even call Tina and see if she'll join us." She didn't have to ask me twice,

"Hell yeah!" this is why I love Santana.

* * *

"Brittany!" yelled my favorite Asian.

"Tina!" I yelled back, engulfing her in a huge hug, "How's school?" I asked.

"It's fun. I mean Ohio State is all that you can imagine it to be, i guess." She shrugged.

"Aww don't put yourself down. It's a good school." I replied, "When are you visiting us?"

"Yeah Tina! You needs to visit us," added San As she finished her coffee.

We had finished our shopping and were relaxing at a cafe inside the mall. We each had bags of items filled with clothes, electronics, and more.

"I can't believe we bought all of this stuff," I groaned feeling exaustion kicking in.

"I can't believe we were up that early, especially you San," said Tina playfully.

"Well you know how it is. College changes a person." Yeah it does, i thought to myself.

"Well I need to head home soon. It was nice seeing you!" she yelled.

we walked Tina to her car before heading to San's car.

"Hey you heading home or coming over?" I asked Hoping to avoid my parents. Luckily Carla has been keeping them occupied.

"My parents are out. They got called into work and barely have noticed that i'm gone." laughed san.

"So I guess my place then. Unless you have somewhere else to be." We both laughed and jumped into the car. The drive to my house was quick and soon we were inside.

"Mom? Dad? Carla?" I called out, "Hmm no ones home. I guess they all went shopping too."

We headed to my room to drop everything off.

"Thirsty?" I asked as I poured myself some water and drank. She smiled evilly and took mine, taking a sip before handing it back. "Hey!" I cried half heartedly.

"Thanks Britt" she smirked "As much as I miss home, I miss college more," said San.

"Me too."

"So our flight leaves tomorrow right? What time should we meet?"

"I'd say 12."

"Good." she said stretching when her foot hit something, "Oh my god is this what I think it is?" she asked grabbing my picture album, "I can't believe we graduated just 5 months ago." she said staring at the pictures. I nodded. "Oh my god is this you and Artie?" I tried to take the picture from her and ended up extremely close to her. her perfume was strong and invaded my senses causing me go give up.

"Oh god!" I groaned As she inspected the picture.

"I can't believe you dated him." She said, her tone filled with disgust.

"He's a nice guy," I shrugged, in all reality he was a sweet guy except when he tried to get me to sleep with him.

"Sure. Keep telling yourself that Britt."

"What do you have against him?" I asked curious. it's not like I told her about him pressuring me. If I had then she would have killed him.

"Me? Nothing, he was just annoying." She turned to the next picture. She looked, flustered for some reason and was staring intently at the picture. I was sitting incredibly close to her and shivered as our legs collided. my mind was telling me toI've away, but as if magnetic, I couldn't move away.

"San?" I asked before I could figure out what I was doing.

"Yeah?" she asked turning to face me. Her body was so close to mine and her lips were the perfect distance. Before I could stop myself, I closed the distance, placing my lips on her own. They were so soft and I could taste her coconut lip gloss. Every thought in my mind disappeared and was replaced with Santana. My body heated up instantly, yet I could feel goosebumps erupting everywhere. Then her hands touched my waist and pulled me closer. Her lips moved against my own and suddenly we were battling for dominance. The innocence of the kiss was gone. My tongue brushed her lips and her mouth opened, allowing me entrance. Just as our tongues met, a door slammed forcing us to break apart. I stared at her in amazement. Never has anyone made me feel this way especially with a kiss.

"I-I should go, I haven't packed yet," said San, "I'll see you tomorrow...okay?" she asked as she gathered her jacket and phone. I nodded and watched her leave. What just happened?

Author's Note: Hope you enjoyed. Thanks for the reviews. I'm glad you are enjoying the story.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Confession

My forehead was dripping with sweat and my limbs were sore. The music cut off and there were groans of either approval or exhaustion coming from everyone. I looked around and noticed that almost everyone looked ready to drop.

"Okay good work today. We will definitely be ready for our performance tomorrow. We need to be excellent as it will be the first time we perform just for the school and other teams. Make sure you relax tonight," Said Janet. At this everyone started talking. I walked over to grab my bag when an arm grabbed mine.

"Hey Britt, leaving so soon?" asked Sam. He looked just as tired as everyone else. His hair was coated with sweat and his face was still a little red. I nodded at him.

"Yeah, I could use a shower and figured that i'd get some studying done today," I shrugged.

"Aww. Come on Britt, we're all meeting at my place, even Mike's going to be there. We're just trying to de-stress before the show." I stared at him for a second, contemplating my options. It sounded like fun, but lately I haven't been in the mood to hang out. "Just think about it," he said after a minute went by. "You have my number." I nodded before grabbing my bag and leaving. The walk to my dorm was short, but I still felt like I was walking through Alaska. The wind was blowing my hair everywhere and all the sweat on my head was almost dried up or frozen to my face. New York and their harsh winters. For that, why not just snow already! By the time I got to my door all I wanted to do was take a hot shower and cuddle with my blankets. I opened the door and walked inside, throwing my bag onto the floor. Suddenly there was a loud 'BOOM.' If possible my heart flew to my head as I jumped so far from the noise, nearly landing in my closet.

"What the hell?!" I yelled.

"Oh my bad," said the voice that I had come to hate this past week. Puck was on the floor, picking up the lamp that had fallen when I walked in. His mohawk looked messy and he was shirtless showing his ripped stomach.

"Sorry Britt, I didn't expect you to be back so quick," Shrugged San. I could feel her eyes on me, but I refused to look. I didn't want to see how her hair probably dishevelled or how much clothing she was wearing. The thought only made me angrier by the second, which is something that I have been feeling a lot lately.

"Whatever," I replied trying to keep my tone steady. What made me furious was that she knew my dance schedule and knew that after dance the only thing I wanted to do was soak my limbs and sleep. She knows that I never go out after. Was she doing this on purpose? This past week she'd barely had a conversation with me and even on the plane ride home, she was distant. I tried to speak with her and immediately was brushed off. Barely an hour after we got back, Puck was in the picture. I remember the hurt I felt when he walked into the room and sat on her bed as if it were his own room. That day I pulled San into the bathroom.

_"What's he doing here?" I whispered._

_"Well he is my boyfriend after all," said San harshly._

_"Since when?" I asked feeling anger._

_"since the dinner," she shrugged._

_"And you didn't bother to tell me?"_

_"Well i'm telling you now," she shrugged. I wanted to push her. I wanted to do something that made her respond with emotion, even if it was anger. I hated this side of her._

_"Don't you think we should talk," I asked hesitantly._

_"Britt there's nothing really to say." she shrugged before walking out._

After the argument I had barely seen her and when I did it was usually with Puck. However, this was the first time this week that i'd seen them in her bed. Why was she being like this? She didn't seem apologetic or anything. Does she not care about my feelings?

"Sorry for interrupting, I only live here," I grumbled. They didn't seem like they would stop anytime soon and I knew that I would not be able to relax here. So I grabbed some clothing from the drawer and threw it into the closest bag I could find. Finally my eyes met San's and for once I could not read them. "Whatever i'll just get out of your hair."

"Britt," said San halfheartedly. I had years practice of shutting out voices and for the first time, I found myself shutting hers out. I grabbed my phone charger and went to the bathroom to grab my toothbrush. The only instinct in my head was to leave before I exploded.

"Don't wait up," I yelled angrily. I didn't wait to hear San say anything. I didn't want to feel the disappointment when I knew she wouldn't call for me or even bat an eyelash at me. There was like a wall in between us and I didn't like it. I knew it was my fault. Maybe I shouldn't have kissed her, but do I regret it? The answer is no. If given the chance, I would do it again. It was such an amazing feeling and i'm hoping that I will always remember the way she made me feel. Even if it was for only a few seconds. I hope that our friendship could get through this, but for the first time, I wasn't so sure.

I ran to the only room that I knew would allow me in, knocking slowly. My head was starting to hurt and tears threatened to fall.

"Britt... hey," said Quinn, "Nice seeing you today. I feel like I haven't seen you in forever. Come in." she looked so happy that instantly my mood was brightened.

"Quinn, who's at the-Brittany!" yelled Rachel happily. "She pulled me into the room quickly, allowing Quinn to shut the door, "did you just come from practice?"

"Y-yeah. I would have showered, but my room is currently being occupied." I sighed before sitting on the floor. I could feel eyes on me, but again I wouldn't meet them.

"That's fine. Here," said Quinn handing me a towel, "Just use our shower." I nodded gratefully and smiled. The shower made me feel loads better. I stepped out of the bathroom feeling completely refreshed.

"Sorry for just coming over," I apologized after seeing them cleaning up.

"Britt what's wrong? You should know that its okay. We do this all the time. I mean you do remember that we just sort of barge in all the time?" said Quinn rolling her eyes, "We wish you would come by more often. It's been weird not seeing you and Santana all the time."

"Aw did you miss us Quinnie," I laughed earning a smack from her. "Ouch that's tender," I said playfully.

"Ha-ha," said Quinn, "So what brings you here?"

"San has Puck over, so I thought I would give them some space." I shrugged. It's much easier to hide my anger now that I was clean and had a clearer mind.

"Britt, are you sure you're okay?" asked Rachel. She was analyzing me, I could tell.

"I'm as okay as I can be," I replied.

"Okay what don't I know?" asked Quinn, eyeing Rachel and me.

"Nothing," we both said.

"Rach-" warned Quinn. She looked away.

"It's okay Rachel. I trust Quinn. I'm just trying to figure this out." I shrugged, "I well- where do I begin?" I asked. It's harder since Quinn just met us. "I've sorta been exeriencing- wait no. Sorry bad wording. Okay well-"

"She has feelings for Santana," blurted Rachel. I wanted to glare at her, but she did help.

"What she said." I looked away. "As I said i'm tying to figure this out." I bit my lip in anticipation awaiting her reaction.

"I knew it!" yelled Quinn, "For how long though?"

"Wait you knew?" I asked.

"Well yeah. I mean obviouslly it was just a guess, but the way you two look at each other. It feels like i'm constantly interrupting private moments." said Quinn, "For how long?"

"The way we look at each other? How does she look at me?" I asked.

"Britt, stop avoiding the question."

"I'm not. I was just curious," I argued, "Fine-umm forever?" I replied hesitantly.

"How long is forever?" she asked excitedly.

"Well it started when I was 13."

"What?" yelled Quinn. "You never told her?"

"When I was 13, but she brushed it off as just a strong friendship."

"That's bullshit!" yelled Quinn angrily, "Anyone with eyes can see the chemistry you two share. I've never seen two people who would be so great together as you two."

"well I didn't exactly help matters. I mean she kissed me back, at least I thought she did. It felt like she was enjoying the kiss. I'm pretty sure she did," I said. The situation was so confusing. I'm pretty sure if my family hadn't come home when they did, things would have gotten real heated.

"Wait what?" asked Quinn just as Rachel yelled, "Kiss?"

"Can you backtrack please?" asked Rachel.

"yeah when did you two kiss? How did that happen?" asked Quinn.

"Well it's pretty easy. You just lean in a place your lips on someone," I said sarcastically earning a glare from Quinn, "It was on Black Friday. The feelings were getting too instense and I sort of just kissed her." I said quckly, "it was meant to be a short tap kiss, but then she pulled me closer and I just sort of lost myself in the kiss."

"She kissed you back?" asked Rachel surprised.

"Yeah," I smiled at the memory.

"Well- what hapened?"

"As you can see obviously nothing. She's barely looked at me or spoken to me aside from some small fight we had. Apparently she's with Puck," I groaned.

"How could she do this to you? Does she not have any feelings?" asked Quinn angrily. "And with him? He's like the dirtbag of dirtbags! I heard he dates multiple girls at the same time!"

"Quinn this is Santana Lopez we are talking about," said Rachel. "Since when does she care?"

"Guys stop it please! San's not a bad person." I yelled earning odd looks from them, "At least never to me. She's never treated me horribly. She's just confused. I mean I sort of just caught her off guard. It was actually selfish of me."

"Britt you're allowed to be selfish sometimes, especially when it comes to love."

'Okay now you're getting ahead of yourselves," I laughed.

"Look you are rarely ever selfish about anything," I rolled my eyes, "No we are serious. You are too sweet sometimes and worry about everyone else. You just seem to forget about yourself sometimes. You had every right to go after what you've wanted forever. You're human not a robot!" yelled Quinn.

"I guess your right," I mumbled. "But please don't be mad at her. She has her own side of the story that deserves to be heard. Just treat her normal...please" I begged. San didn't deserve to be deserted.

"Okay, but it's not like she likes us anyway."

"Of course she likes you guys," I rolled my eyes. They looked at me blankly. "Im not going into detail." I laughed, "Look i'm just going to let whatever happen, happen. If we're meant to be anything more or even just friends than fine, if not, then I guess i'll learn to live without her." Just the thought of losing her made me feel like a hole had dug itself into my heart, but I wouldn't let it eat at me. "For now, could I maybe stay here? I don't know if he's staying over and I really don't want to hear anything." I shivered at the idea.

"Of course."

"Thanks, all I need is a pillow and blanket and i'll be fine."

"You don't think you're staying on the floor do you?"

"Really I don't mind," I shrugged.

"Well I do. You're staying with me," said Quinn proudly. I looked to Rachel and she shrugged.

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"Of course Britt."

"Thanks."

* * *

I opened the door slowly trying not to wake anyone in my room. I tip-toed to my desk and placed my bag softly there. A figure stirred and I looked quickly over at Santana's bed. Instead of two figures, I could only see San sleeping peacefully. I smiled knowing that at least she didn't let him stay over. She had no idea I was staying over Quinn and Rachel's. For a second I watched how peaceful she looked. I wish we were talking right now, I wish that things weren't weird between us. I missed my best friend. A week is too long to not speak or hang out. I sighed and opened my drawer slowly, pulling out my clothes for the performance along with some black tights. I walked slowly to the bathroom and closed the door as quiet as I could. My shower was quick and within 15 minutes I was ready to leave. When I left the bathroom, San was still sleeping. I let out the breath I was holding and walked over to my dance bag. I emptied out the clothes from yesterday, placing them in my bin before filling the bag with my performance clothing. Before leaving I opened the drawer of my desk, pulling out a small flier and placing it on my desk, in clear view. Just before leaving, I looked back over at San. Her blanket had lowered itself and she had rolled over to the side. As I watched, I noticed that she was starting to shiver. I shook my head to the side and remembered how at so many of our sleepovers, she was always kicking the blankets off. I walked over to her and sighed before pulling the blanket up so it covered her. With one last look, I was out the door.

I walked over to the dining hall to meet Rachel and Quinn. Instead of my usual breakfast of croissants and french toast, I was eating a slice of toast with jelly.

"Is that all you're eating?" asked Quinn as she happily ate her second serving of bacon.

"Yeah."

"why? Don't you need to eat a lot before dancing?"

"Quinn, just because you can eat a pound of bacon, doesn't mean we feel the need to," said Rachel warily.

"Hey! Leave my bacon out of this," she cried, "I'm just saying, I just want to make sure you're healthy."

"Thanks Quinn, ill be fine. I just don't want to fill myself up too much," The thought of me dancing on a full stomach made me feel queasy. "I usually eat a lot after shows," I shrugged.

"As long as you're okay. Are you?"

I looked at them carefully, "I will be. I just need to figure this out,"

"You do know that you're going to have to talk to her and soon."

"Don't you think i've been trying," I snapped. I took a deep breath and sighed, "Sorry. Our friendship means so much to me, I'm trying my best to make things right." I slumped in the chair.

"You're going to have to corner her."

"I shouldn't have to."

"Of course not, but at least you know you tried. Maybe then you're conscious won't bother you too much." I know they're right, but I wasn't sure if I was even ready for the talk. I mean what does this mean? Am I a lesbian? Or am I just bi-curious? I know i'm definitely not straight; i'm pretty sure a straight girl does not feel this way for her female best friend. I can't believe I actually convinced myself that what I felt was typical friendship. All my memories of our past are running through my mind. I keep thinking of all of the moments when I felt more than friendship and can't believe that I had no idea. All the nights I would wake up to place the blanket over us and would end up watching her sleep. All of the moments that I needed to feel her close. Even the safeness I felt around her. How did I not know this?

"Britt, are you even listening?"

"Huh," I asked.

"Of course not," replied Rachel, "I wanted to know if you were ready to go." I nodded.

* * *

It was 5:00pm and the show was in full motion. Almost all of the dance teams in our school had performed. It amazed me how many different cultured dance groups our school had on campus that I hadn't know about. The Indian dance troupe had just performed an amazing choreography and had just exited the stage. We had already watched the Japanese team, the Chinese team, the various Spanish teams, and even the cheerleaders perform.

"Now give a large round of applause for the Nemesis squad! They are our champion hip hop squad." We all took deep breaths before running onto the stage.

There's something about dancing that makes me forget. It could be the amazing adrenaline rush I feel, every time i'm on stage or the warmth I feel when the crowd shows their praise or even the fact that I can show my feelings through the dance. Some people write, some sing; well I dance. Just like a writer feels crippled when they experience writer's block, I feel that when I cannot express my feelings through dance. So as soon as it was my turn to jump into the dance, I gave my all. All the hurt and pain, all the happiness and anxiousness, was placed into my dance. When the music ended, my head was clear and once again I was back on this earth. We ran back stage and congratulated each other on not messing up. I looked at everyone and couldn't help but feel like something was missing. Maybe it was because of how close everyone had gotten. There were so many parties and get togethers that I chose not to attend. What's wrong with me? I was never the type to be anti-social. I hugged Sam and Jennifer and vowed that I would change. I'm done being scared; i'm done feeling helpless. It's time I took control of everything going wrong in my life.

"Party at my house!" yelled Eric. I think this time I might just go.

"Britt! You were amazing. You looked so lost in your own world!" yelled Quinn, "I'm so happy that I got to see this performance at least." I looked around and couldn't find San anywhere. It felt weird knowing that she wasn't there. I don't think she's ever missed any performances even back to the small ones I did in high school. I wanted to cry, but then I was so frustrated at her that I knew I wouldn't. Plus with Quinn and Rachel's happiness, I couldn't help but smile.

"Thanks Quinn!" I smiled proudly. "I can't believe we finally performed in front of so many people! It was like our debut to the school!"

"It definitely was," said Rachel, "To think one day you will be probably choreographing some broadway that I will be in and Quinn will be the writer! We are going to make a great team. We should totally put all of our skills together and create-"

"Hold it there tiger!" laughed Quinn, "Why don't we focus on graduating college first?"

"Fine," grumbled Rachel.

"Come on, i'm starving!" I said happily, "Let me just shower first!"

We made it to my room in record time, "Give me 30 minutes guys!" I was in sweats, my hair was in a messy bun with pieces of hair stuck to my head. I still had some makeup on and my bag was hoisted around my right shoulder. As I entered the room, prepared for an empty room, I found Santana there watching TV.

"Hi," she said as she flipped the channel still laying on her bed.

"Hey there stranger," I answered nonchalantly. I threw my shirt off leaving myself only my bra and sweats.

"Did you just get back or were you dancing?" she asked.

"I was dancing." I replied watching her. She was still staring at the TV.

"I didn't think you had practice today" she replied after changing the channel.

"That's because I don't." I grabbed some clothing from the closet forcefully.

"Wait- then why- did you have a performance today?" she asked sitting up. I could practically hear the clocks turning in her head.

"Yep," I answered grabbing my towel.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I turned around and raised my eyebrow at her. She's kidding right?

"Didn't think it would matter." I shrugged. Her tone was starting to piss me off.

"What do you mean it wouldn't matter? I would have-"

"You would have what?" I cut her off angrily, "You would have shown up? You would have tried to make it?" I asked warily. "You would have talked to me?" My voice is breaking. She didn't answer and looked away, "Exactly. I figured since you have more important things to do lately that you were too busy. Also the fact that you've barely talked to me or even looked at me in the last week that maybe you just didn't care. So sorry for not verbally telling you."

"You didn't tell me at all."

"Maybe not orally!" I said frustrated pointing to the paper that was left untouched on my desk. I took the flier from my desk and thew it onto her bed. "Look i'm not upset you couldn't make it, but for you to sit there and blame me for everything isn't fair." I sighed, "Look we both know that this is about more than a stupid dance performance." She still wouldn't look at me, "Can we just talk?"

"Britt...there's not much to really say," said San carefully. She wasn't looking at me.

"You're kidding right?" I asked sarcastically, "San that kiss happened, believe it or not."

"Britt-"

"No San! I'm done pretending that it doesn't bother me or that it doesn't hurt." My eyes were feeling heavy and that familiar throbbing in my head returned.

"Britt we've discussed this before!" she nearly yelled.

"No San, you discussed this! I listened like the awesome best friend that I am and cared for your happiness." I yelled, "sure I was 13, but I knew what I was feeling was different. I thought you were right, but obviously you were wrong."

"Britt-"

"Stop because I need to say this and I am only saying this once because it is obvious that you don't care. I have really strong feelings for you and I have had for a very long time. They are definitely not friendship feelings because i'm pretty sure most best friends don't want to kiss the other senseless. San when I kissed you, it wasn't planned, but it wasn't out of nowhere either. This has been five years in the making and you know what I don't regret kissing you. It sucks that you don't feel the same, which I find weird because if my memory is correct, you kissed me back." I took a deep breath and looked at her.

"I-" she stopped talking, "Britt i'm not gay." she stuttered.

"I'm not either. I'm pretty sure that i'm attracted to guys too. I guess gender doesn't affect my feelings." I shrugged.

"Well that's great for you, but Britt I like men, not women." she said clearly annoyed. At her words I deflated. Tears threatened to fall and my heart started pounding uncontrollably.

"Okay then. Well-what does this mean?" I asked, "Are you just going to keep avoiding me?"

"I-I don't know. Britt you can't just expect me to feel okay about this."

"About what? Me being bisexual or liking you?" I asked warily.

"Don't be like this," she said angrily, "It's not everyday that this happens." she grabs her head, "I don't get why you're being so selfish. Our friendship was perfect!"

"Selfish? You telling _me_ to hide my feelings and tricking me into thinking they were fake is selfish. I don't deserve this and you know it. Our friendship was the most unique relationship i've ever experienced, but it was no where near perfect. If you want to stop being my friend than fine, i'll deal." I said going into the bathroom. I turned to close the door and was stopped by Santana.

"I just- I just need some time to process this." she said. Her eyes were dark and roamed my body making me feel exposed. I had forgotten that I was wearing a sports bra and sweats only. "Yeah some time." she begged. She looked so vulnerable and it killed me. I nodded at her.

"Okay." I nodded again. She walked out and left me there alone and confused. Was she checking me out? Again with those thoughts, I swear my thoughts are going to be the end of me. I shook my head and jumped into the shower.

* * *

"Brittany!" yelled Sam happily, "You made it." Quinn and I convinced Rachel to come to the party at Eric's place. His place was actually pretty spacious for an off campus apartment. I smiled at him brightly before following the girls to the kitchen where the keg was located.

"Isn't this party great?" asked Quinn. She was on her 4th cup of beer and had just finished dancing with one of the jocks.

"Yeah...great" I replied still on my first cup. I wasn't in the mood to get scary wasted.

"Come on Britt, you danced great today. Live a little!" yelled Quinn.

"Quinn if this is living than i've sure lived a whole lot," I answered back sarcastically. "Where's Rachel anyway?"

"I don't know. Last I saw her she was sulking. She wouldn't tell me why," shrugged Quinn. I nodded and looked around.

"Is that-" I started. sure enough there was Rachel in the middle of the dance floor with Finn. They were grinding on each other as if it were their last day on Earth.

"Rachel?" asked Quinn. Her expression was unreadable, "Who is that?" she asked annoyed.

"That's Finn, I believe." I said trying not to laugh. Maybe I wasn't the only one who felt a little more my roommate.

"He looks like a giant! Why would she want to dance with him?"

"Now you're sounding like San." I laughed before realizing what I said.

"Ha-ha" laughed Quinn before she noticed my expression. The conversation I had with Santana earlier was still bothering me. I feel like i'm pressuring her to like me back and that's the last thing I want to do. I just really felt like she did, I mean was I reading the signals wrong? I don't know, all I know is that I need to figure out some way to fix this because I miss my best friend.

"Brittany!" yelled someone, "I didn't expect you to be here!" Suddenly I was being hugged by Jennifer. "Finally someone cool that I can talk to. All the guys are so wasted ugh," said Jen happily. "It's like they all turn to pigs when they're drunk." she scoffed.

"Are you sure you're not?" I asked laughing at her reaction.

"Me? Hell no, I have the highest tolerance," she said hold her arms out to her shoulders. "Oh let's dance. I love this song." She grabbed my hand and led me to the dance floor. As soon as she let go of my hands she started to move her hips to the beat. I couldn't help but focus on how hot Jen looked dancing. Usually I see her dancing to one of Nemesis' choreography, but i'd never seen her dance at a party. Immediately I found the rhythm and started moving my hips to the fast beat. As the music changed to another fast beat her hands found my waist and her body moved closer to mine. It didn't exactly feel safe, but it felt nice to have someone in my arms again. Her hips moved against mine and instantly I felt hot.

"Britt there you are!" yelled Quinn. I stopped dancing and turned to see Quinn staring at me with a smirk, "Rachel looks too wasted. I was going to take her home. You can stay if you want," she laughed.

"Alright. Call a cab, i'm going to use the bathroom okay." I told her. She nodded and walked over to the spot where she left Rachel. I turned to Jennifer apologetically. "Looks like i've got to go," I said. Part of me was glad that Quinn interrupted, but my body was definitely not pleased. My body was screaming for me to stay in this position and practically dry hump the girl on the floor. I can't believe I lost control like that!

"Yeah," she replied sadly, "We should hang out sometime." she suggested.

"Definitely!" I smiled, "Well see you soon then." I walked away awkwardly, heading towards the bathroom. Thank god the line was not long. I was worried the girls would leave without me. The person in front of me headed into the bathroom as I checked my phone. The girls hadn't called me yet, so I still had time. After a few minutes the door opened and I stepped in, only to be stopped by someone grabbing my hand.

"Britt," I know that voice. I turned around quickly and was met with sad Brown eyes.

"San what do you want?" I asked hesitantly. The people behind me looked annoyed, "I'm kinda busy," I replied gesturing to the bathroom. San looked at the people and pushed me into the bathroom, locking the door behind her. I'm sure if things were different, I would have enjoyed that display, but sadly they are not.

"Britt I didn't know you'd be here." she said.

"I know, small world eh," I joked, "Look I didn't know you would either."

"If I had known than I would have came with you," she said causing me to raise an eyebrow, "I know I said that I needed space, but after you went into the shower, I did some thinking and I realized how wrong I was. I came back to the room, but you were gone. I thought about waiting you out, but I didn't want to be alone so Puck invited me here." She said quickly. I sighed at her rambling and walked to the toilet. After all I really did have to pee. "W-what are you doing?" she asked as I unbuttoned my jeans.

"What does it look like?" I asked, "I actually have to pee." I shrugged. She nodded and turned around. I could've sworn I saw a blush on her face.

"Britt. Our friendship means everything to me and I don't want to lose it. I need you in my life. Can we please be friends again?" she asked as I flushed the toilet and walked to wash my hands. "I just really miss us. I don't know what i'm feeling Britt, but I just know that you're a huge piece of me that I can't let go. Please just give me time to let what happened between us settle because I did kiss you back and I can't explain why." She said all in one breath. "I can't explain why I want to do it again either."

"San, calm down. Have you been drinking?" I asked jokingly as I tried to process what she was saying, "wait so you want to be friends? I'm confused."

"Britt I don't know what all this really means or if i'm ready for what this means, but the one thing I do know is that I need you in my life." I smiled brightly at her causing her to open her arms. I flew into them with ease. It's amazing how safe she made me feel. I can't forget how hurtful she was just yet, but this was a start. My pocket started to vibrate causing me to pull away from her.

"Looks like the cab's here." I stated. "Do you want to ride with us back?" I asked. She nodded and together we exited the bathroom, ignoring the angry grumbles of the drunkies. As I entered the cab, I could hear Rachel talking. She was sitting in the backseat, while Quinn was in the front.

"Great Quinn, leave us with drunk Midget, why don't you?" asked San sarcastically as she slid in next to me.

"whoa. Hey there, I did not expect to see you tonight. In fact we haven't seen you in like a week." said Quinn.

"Yeah sorry about that." shrugged San.

The cab started moving and it instantly became quiet.

"so Britt I totally saw you dancing with Jenny tonight. I knew she had her eye on you." laughed Quinn. I turned to her and glared. WHy is she bringing this up now.

"Wait- what? who's Jen?" asked San. Quinn smirked. "She had her eyes on you? What?"

"She's a girl on my team. We were just dancing." I shrugged. Luckily Quinn stood quiet.

The cab ride was quick and we each payed before heading to our rooms. I opened the door and held it open for San.

"So who's Jennifer?" she asked as we entered the room.

"San not now," I groaned walking past her. She grabbed my wrist and pulled me against the door. i tried to ignore the heat that exploded in me or the close proximity of her body.

"Why not?" she asked in a low voice. That voice was the sexiest voice I have ever heard. my arousal was growing and i just wanted to jump her. She was holding my right wrist to the door above my head and staring intently at my face.

"San," i whispered, "I just wanted to feel wanted. We were only dancing." I turned my face away from her stare. I hadn't meant to admit any of that, but I refused to lie to her.

"I'm so sorry Britt," she said softly. Just as I turned my head, her lips pressed against mine softly surprising both of us. When we broke apart she stared at me with an intense look, "Shit," she mumbled releasing my hand and stepping away.

"San," I said hoping to catch her attention, "please don't walk away," I begged. I don't think my heart could take her leaving me again, "If you want to go back to the way we were before...then we can." I said softly, "I miss you too much and I want you in my life as whatever you chose to be." I waited for her to stop, "If you want to forget the kisses, than I will do my best." Of course I didn't want to forget, but at this moment I really wanted my best friend back. I wanted to laugh with her and cuddle with her again. I just wanted to be close to her again.

"I-I don't w-want to forget, but I can't be gay. My family- our families will freak out!" she said hysterically.

"San-"

"No Britt, you deserve to know the truth. I did feel things...for you...way before the kiss. Halfway through high school I noticed, but I fought." She said with tears falling freely, "Our families are deep christian. Your own mom is homophobic! I can't- we can't!"

"San- i'm not asking you for anything," I told her, "it was selfish of me to expect anything from you." I told her. I hated to see her cry and I knew she had a point.

"Don't apologize," she said softly. "The thing is Britt, I can't hold it in anymore and I sure as hell don't like seeing you with other people even if you're just dancing."

"What are you saying?"

"Whatever this is, I want it. I know my parents will never accept us, but I don't think I can stop what i'm feeling. That is if I haven't scared you away." She blushed a little before looking at me. I looked thoughtful for a second before smiling. As she smiled back, I walked forward allowing her the chance to walk away before slowly capturing her lips with mine. I didn't push the kiss any further and broke away after a few seconds.

"Hmm so you want me?" I asked. Of course I was scared, scared that she'd regret this, scared that we wouldn't be accepted, scared that she would hurt me, and most of all scared of what I was feeling; however, she was worth the risk.

"Shut up Britt," she laughed before putting her hands around my neck and pulling my lips to hers for a longer kiss.

Author's Note: I wasn't sure how to end the chapter, but I liked what I came up with. I think Britt deserved a break, what do you think?


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Proposition

I pulled away from her and smiled before capturing her lips again, this time brushing my tongue by her bottom lip, asking for entrance. It wasn't long before our tongues were battling and our bodies grinding against one anothers. She pushed her body against me until my knees hit her bed and I was pushed softly onto my back, with her straddling my waist. The sight of her on top of me will be an image that I will definitely keep in my memory. Her lips caught mine again and within seconds became intense. I pulled her body closer, wanting to feel her complete weight on me and groaned at the contact. I traced my fingers along the little bit of skin she was showing on her waist. Her skin is so soft and smooth making me wonder what it felt like to kiss. She pulled out of the kiss, panting heavily. Both of our breathing was deep and quick. Her lips found my neck causing me to shiver slightly. Her tongue was licking my neck and her were teeth nibbling on certain areas causing goosebumps to pop out.

"MmM," I groaned as I turned my head to give her more room. My hands moved slowly under her shirt, tracing all of the skin on her waist that it could touch. Her moan only made me want to touch her more. Her lips moved from my neck, to my jaw, and back to my lips. Suddenly she grinded herself into me; god she felt so good, "MmM San," I moaned. At this point my hands were squeezing her waist at every thrust. Cold soft fingers suddenly made their way under my blouse, tracing every piece of skin they touched, causing my body to jerk up.

"God Britt," whispered San, "You're body feels amazing." She captured my lips again and I could feel my body taking over. I was trying so hard to keep a leveled head, but her fingers moving against my body were not helping. I grabbed her waist again, locked our ankles and rolled us over. She yelped in surprise, but then smiled at me. My lips kissed her forehead, then cheeks, her nose and then I placed a soft kiss on her lips before kissing a path from her jaw to her neck. I wanted to make her feel good and I ached to taste her skin. I nibbled and sucked on her neck until I heard her groans. I didn't stay on any spots for too long for fear of leaving any love bites. The last thing we needed were for people to ask questions. My hands continued tracing under her shirt until it touched her bra. Instantly I pulled my hand back for fear of crossing a boundary that she wasn't ready for; however, her hand grasped mine and moved my hand until it was back on her bra. Her skin was so soft! I traced the outline of her boobs until finally I let a finger roam underneath the padding.

"Britt," she moaned making my body shiver. Hearing my name come out of her mouth in that tone made me want to just take her right here, but I knew I couldn't. We needed to stop before I couldn't anymore. I opened my eyes and stared at her, while moving one hand back to her waist and the other to her face. When her eyes met mine, I almost melted at the darkness of them, filled with so much emotion.

"San we have to stop. As much as I'd love to keep doing this, I just think we should wait until you're sure. I don't want us to rush this." She looked at me and smiled again before kissing me.

"Okay Britt. Sounds good to me." I rolled off her immediately missing the feeling of her body underneath mine. I have a feeling I'm going to be the clingy girlfriend that constantly needs to touch her. Crap girlfriend? Is that what we even are? What about Puck? Shit she has a boyfriend! "Britt? Are you okay?" she asked worried. I looked at her wondering if I should ask.

"San what happens from here?" I asked, "I know you're not ready for too much, but I mean are we together or was this just a one time thing?"

"Britt- I told you that I have feelings for you. I meant that. I want to give us a try." She said genuinely and then laughed, "But I should break up with Puck first." She looked so free compared to the last few days. Her smile was plastered onto her face and her hand grasped mine. "I'm so sorry for how I treated you. I-I've never been so scared about anything in my entire life. I just know that this is something too special to pass up though. Does that answer your question?" she asked.

"Perfectly," I replied giving her a chaste kiss. I sat up and jumped off her bed.

"Hey," she pouted, "where are you going?" she asked watching me walk to the closet.

"I'd rather change into my pajamas" I shrugged. She nodded and jumped off the bed, most likely to change also.

"Can you sleep with me tonight?" I raised my eyebrows at her, "Just to sleep, I promise." She said before laughing, "Okay so maybe not just sleeping, but come on. Can you blame me? I just discovered how amazing you kisses are, I'm addicted." She said dramatically. I threw my blouse at her before placing my tank top over my head.

"Suck up," I laughed.

"Only for you," she answered laughing. I changed and jumped into her bed, cuddling with the pillow.

"Come here," I said opening my arms. She smiled and immediately joined me, cuddling against my body. I could so get used to this.

* * *

The weeks progressed quickly and soon we were studying for finals.

"I'm going to fail!" whined Rachel. It was the second to last day of finals.

"Calm down Rachel!" I yelled from my spot on San's bed. Suddenly a large pillow hit Rachel square in the face.

"Hey!" She yelled as San snickered proudly. I tried to hold my laughter in, but I couldn't help it.

"San be nice," I laughed. My hand was on her thigh, resting comfortable, while I was cuddled into her side.

"What I was only doing what we all felt like doing!" answered San with her trademark smirk plastered onto her face. I smiled at her before returning my attention to the textbook in my other hand. These last few weeks have been amazing. San and I have been closer than ever, but sadly we hadn't made any progress outside of the safety of our room. I loved being with her and I was tired of watching boys aimlessly flirt with her. I wanted everyone to know she was mine. Sure we weren't officially girlfriends, but did that really matter?

"Sheesh," huffed Rachel as she sat down on my bed. Moments like these will be embedded in my mind forever. Moments where I'm with my two best friends enjoying each others company, even though we were studying. "Crap my exam is in an hour!" yelped Rachel, "I need to head to my room to finish some last minute preparations. "If I don't see you for dinner, then I'll see you tomorrow for our psychology midterm Brittany." Before I could respond, she had grabbed her bag and ran out of the room. The room grew quiet and I no longer felt like studying. I stared at my text book trying to soak in any new information, but all the words I read made no difference. I re-read the same paragraph, but my thoughts drifted to how San's fingers were gently rubbing circles on my palm. I wanted to lean back and enjoy the feelings that this small act of intimacy brought to my heart, but I knew that my psychology final was too important. Although I felt ready to take the test, I couldn't be sure that I would be getting an A. Her hand moved to my waist and proceeded to rub circles on the skin that wasn't covered by my tank top, making me shiver. I could feel a goose bump trail forming at the spots that she had just touched. I stared at the textbook reading the same sentence over when soft lips touched my neck, placing gentle kisses along my pulse point. What was this girl trying to do to me? I swallowed and focused on breathing properly, but the feeling of her lips was becoming the only thing my mind could focus on.

"San," I whined trying to move away, "We have to study." As soon as the words left my mouth, I wish they hadn't. I didn't want her lips to stop moving against any part of my skin, I just wanted to feel her all over me. I've never wanted anyone else more in my life, until her.

"We've studied all week," she whispered in that voice that i've come to love. "It's definitely time for a break."

I turned to face her; "Is that s-" Her lips crashed onto mine before I could finish that sentence.

She smiled into the kiss, "Britt you talk way too much," she laughed before I grabbed her shirt and pulled her forcefully to me. Just as I was about to deepen the kiss our door slammed open. San broke the kiss and flung herself backwards causing her lipstick to smudge.

"Sorry, I forgot my phone," said Rachel unabashedly before walking to her phone, "I must say you two do make a great couple." She was smiling at me widely.

"Couple? What are you talking about hobbit?" asked San angrily, "We aren't together!" I tried not to flinch at her harsh words, but they hurt.

"But-" Rachel looked at me for help causing me to look away. I could feel San's eyes on me and tried not to catch her gaze, "I'm going to go..." With that Rachel was gone.

"Britt, what the hell was that about?" I made eye contact with San and could practically see the sparks flying off her. Why was she so mad? I couldn't understand this, it's not like we were back in Lima Ohio. Was she that embarrassed to be seen with me?

I wanted to say nothing, but i'm a terrible liar, so I shrugged.

"Did you tell her?" asked San as she jumped off the bed and paced.

"Rachel and Quinn-"

"Quinn? You told Quinn too?" She interupted, "How could you? This was not your secret to tell!" she yelled.

"Not my secret? You're joking right? You do realize i'm the one who's been kissing you right? I'm pretty sure that makes it partly my secret too," I replied hotly. "And if you let me finish then you would have realized that they only knew about my feelings!" I yelled, "You were so confusing and I didn't understand what I was feeling, so I talked to Rachel about it. She was so understanding and helped me put them together." My anger was fading and all of the hurt from her words replaced it, "Then after the kiss and the whole incident with Puck, I needed a place to stay. I was so lost and hurt, Quinn knew something was up, so I told her how I felt." San wouldn't meet my eyes, "And if I remember that correctly, those are my feelings only making it my secret." I replied warily.

"Britt that's- I-" She shook her head apologetically.

"No San," I said. Her words were stuck in my head, "I obviously thought we had something amazing, but you apparently didn't share the same feeling. This has been the best few weeks and i don't regret any of them, but I get the feeling you do." I tried to sound strong, but my voice cracked, "You do, don't you?" She wouldn't look at me, "I get it." I jumped off the bed, throwing a long sleeved shirt and my school hoodie over my head. Thank god I had already showered and fixed myself up making me look presentable. My boots were by the door luckily so I grabbed my phone and keys from the desk and walked to the door.

"Britt, where are you going?" She asked. I could hear the concern in her voice, but I was too numb to care. I just needed to think about what this all meant.

"Out," I shrugged

"Don't..." San started but then stopped. My boots were on and just as I opened the door I turned around and met her eyes.

"Just so you know. When I told them, they didn't care. We were still just Britt and Santana to them. In fact NO ONE cares! I don't understand why you even care what they think." I shook my head and slammed the door shut.

There were only a few students outside bearing the cold. It was mostly students who had encountered finals for the day. I was ever so grateful at how cold the winters were, there was something about walking in the cold that cleared my head. I didn't know if anything else would be able to at this point. All her words still stung and I could feel tears threatening to fall. I walked over to my favorite spot; a clearing with a gazebo and small pond. In the winter the pond had frozen over, making it more magical to me. At this point the tears were falling freely and my body was shaking with all the pent up emotion. How could she just deny us like that? Had I not meant more to her than just a warm body at her convenience? My phone was buzzing, but I didn't care. I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone; I wanted to sit here and stare until I was numb. That way I wouldn't care anymore and wouldn't feel this need to be around her anymore. Maybe I was overreacting, but all I knew was the way she denied us so easily definitely didn't put my mind at ease. It felt like hours had passed before I headed back. My fingrs were red, face felt numb, and my body felt like it was dragging itself to my destination. I opened the hall door and it felt like I had entered a heater. The hot air burned and made me want to run back outside. I didn't want to feel warm, I wanted to feel cold. My hands shook as I took the key and turned the lock. As soon as the door opened, I was met with a frantic San.

"Where were you Britt?" She asked angrily, "I've been trying to call you like a hundred times!" her hair looked messier than usual as if her hands had been in it more than usual in the last few hours. My body wanted to run my hands through it to smooth it out, but I pulled back. I wished that everyhing was okay, but it wasn't. I shrugged at her when I realized that she was waiting for an answer, "Jesus Britt you're practically red. It's freezing out there," she said walking towards me. Her hand brushed my wrist and instinctivally I jerked away. She couldn't touch me, not after all those horrible words she said. For a moment I saw her expression look hurt and I wanted to give in, but I wouldn't allow myself to. "Britt-"

"No Santana," I said, "What you said really hurt." I told her. I looked at her directly in her eyes, "For the last few weeks I really thought we were something more than just a fling. I convinced myself that you wanted more just like I do; I told myself I wasn't an experiment and that you did care because it honestly felt like you did."

"I-"

"No let me finish," I said without any emotion, "But to have you deny everything to one of our closest friends so quick and then yell at me because she figured it out; it hurt like hell. I thought we were making progress, I thought this was what you wanted. It obviously isn't." I finished.

"Britt, I do care," she answered taking a step forward, "Please Britt, I panicked. This scares me, all of it." Normally I would be more sympathetic, but not tonight. Tonight she needed to know how hard this has been for me.

"That's no excuse!" I yelled, "Do you think this doesn't scare me? Do you really think I don't know the consequences of loving you? Of course I know them, i'm not stupid! I know my mom won't ever accept this, I know you're parents would never look at me the same, I knew it would be extremely hard, but I was willing to take the risk. Even more I was willing to wait for you and I hoped that maybe you would think that I was worth it too." Tears threatened to fall again, but I willed them away, "Of course I was wrong."

"Wait what do you mean by loving me? Are you-"

"What are you talking about San?" I asked annoyed at her. I backtracked and noticed my slip. Shit Shit shit! I yelled at myself. "That's not the point Santana!" I raised my voice. "I just don't think-" Come on Brittany you can do this, no matter how hard it hurts, "I can't do this anymore."

"What are you saying? Are you...breaking up with me?" she asked.

I shook my head, "You see San, the problem is we were never actually together remember." I said. Her expression fell, "I thought we were..."

"Britt you can't just mention love and then walk away!" she said, tears were pouring down her cheeks and I had to look away.

"What else can I do?" I asked, "It hurts to see other people openly flirt with you or see the way Puck tries to get back with you constantly. Soon the excuse that you're not interested isn't going to work anymore. They will want to know more, do you really think you will be able to tell them that you were seeing someone? Would you be able to answer honestly? Or would you just go along with the flow and flirt back?"

"I-I don't know"

"Would you even try?" I asked.

"I don't know!" she raised her voice, "This is all so new to me! I spent so long fighting these feelings that it comes natural now. I never actually thought that we would actually have a chance at becoming something." I wanted to be more understanding, but at the moment I couldn't think straight.

I shook my head, "If it hurts this much now, than I really don't think I could handle seeing you tell someone else that we're just friends."

"What now? You're just going to call it off?" she asked. "You're going to cut me out of your life?" her voice cracked and I just wanted to embrace her and never let her go, but I needed to do this.

"No i'm going to give you a chance to decide what it is you really want from me, whether it's friendship or more. If you want more and I mean are willing to at least try to become something more than I will be waiting, but if you don't than at least you're being honest with me and I will do my best to move on." Her face was covered with tears and I felt terrible because it was all my fault, but I couldn't live in this little bubble we created any longer.

She nodded at me, "O-okay that's fair enough." I wanted to hug her and kiss away the pain, but I knew, for the meantime that wouldn't be possible. She stepped towards me and took matters into her own hands, pulling me into a strong embrace. It sucked having her this close, only to have such a wide distance between us.

"Just so you remember what's waiting for you," I said pulling away just enough so that I could take her lips in mine for just one more time. Who knows, this could be the last time we kissed. Before she could deepen the kiss, I stepped away and grabbed my pajamas from my bed and walked into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me. I hope she makes her decision soon.

**Author's Note: What did you think? Sorry if anyone is upset. I'm just trying my best to be realistic. It is NOT easy to just give into those types of feelings. Also thanks for all the reviews. I'm glad that you're enjoying the story. I promise it will get better and I have taken all your suggestions into consideration. **


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the random plot

**Author's Note: So sorry for the delay. I meant to put this up sooner, but with working full time and my paralegal course its been difficult updating. Thanks for the awesome reviews and I promise that I have read every one and definitely am taking suggestions into consideration. This chapter would have been way too long, so I split it up. Everything italicized are memories. Within this chapter and next chapter, I have placed some memories of Brittany and Santana from those two weeks that they dated. I know that some of you were curious. Also there is some mention of god, I really hope I do not offend anyone; christian or non christian. Enjoy.**

Chapter 7: Home for break

I tossed and turned for what felt like hours. My body just couldn't find a comfortable spot. The last time I slept alone was the day before San and I got together, which was like 2 weeks ago. After our fight last night, I showered to cool off. When I was freshened up and ready for bed, the light had already been shut off and San was sleeping cozily in her own bed. My body yearned for me to just cozy up next to her, but I refused. After our argument yesterday, I wasn't sure we would ever get together again. I know I told her I'd wait, but I had a fear that she would never want to make us exclusive because that would mean telling everyone we know that we are together. Honestly I don't think that I could wait that long. I can't believe I let the L word slip. It's obvious that I've been in love with her for a very long time, but I had not meant to let that slip especially during a fight. If I was going to let that slip it should have been during one of our amazing memories. Like last week.

_San and I were bundled up in our winter coats, walking by my favorite spot. In the winter it looked absolutely breathtaking. The pond was frozen over with snow surrounding it. The trees were all covered in pure snow that hadn't turned black or yellow; the place was so calm and serene. San had the most content smile plastered onto her face that warmed my heart. Many different emotions swarmed through me at once. I felt so much love, happiness, and disbelief that I was standing here with the one girl I've wanted nearly my whole life and we were holding hands! Of course I hadn't reminded myself that the pond was deserted so San felt like she was able to finally hold my hand in public. That night was the first night that I realized that I wanted us to be out publically. _

I shook my head at the memory. To think that was just a few days ago. With a sigh I rolled onto my side. The time was now 11:30PM. I closed my eyes hoping to get the much needed rest for my final tomorrow. Luckily I didn't have to be up until 10AM.

* * *

"Brittany wake up" yelled a voice. I rolled over hoping to drown out the unwanted voice, but it just grew louder and louder. I tried to shut the voice out and continue sleeping, but it was so loud and high pitched.

"Hobbit what do you want?" snarled San. I could hear the venom in her voice and suddenly I was wide awake. I forgot that she was probably sleeping like I was. I didn't want her to know I was awake. Would it be awkward? Would she even speak to me? I heard the door open and a surprised squeak.

"Oh hello Santana. I just wanted to know if Brittany was up yet? I've been trying to call her multiple times."

"Obviously she's not." Said San sarcastically.

"Well she should be it's almost 9AM and our final is at 12. I just thought she would like to do some last minute studying." Said Rachel, "I hope I didn't wake you."

"No I've been up for a while," Mumbled San, her voice sounded softer. I sat up and stretched, unnoticed by both girls. I lay back down and savored the warmth from my blanket.

"Hey Rach," I said, my voice was groggy and my eyes were barely open, "Give me 20 minutes. I just need to freshen up. I'll meet you in your room." She nodded and left the room. San was still in her Pjs and was staring at a textbook in her lap. I sat up and stretched all my muscles. I grabbed my towel from my desk chair along with some clothing and walked to the bathroom without saying a word. The shower felt amazing and woke me up better than any coffee could.

San was still on her bed reading through her textbook when I was ready to leave. We still hadn't said a word to each other and I doubted that she would say anything. I grabbed my textbook and threw it into my bag along with some extra pens and pencils.

"Britt," said a raspy voice just as I was ready to walk out the door. I turned to her and could see she was in deep thought, "Umm good luck on your final. I know you'll do great." She finally said with a small smile.

I nodded and smiled back, "Same to you." I left the room in wonder. College must be really maturing her because if this would have been high school, San would have completely ignored me. Hell i'm even surprised she was still in the room when was out of the shower. I walked quickly to Rachel's room with my heart feeling lighter.

With the help of Rachel's cram session I actually managed to understand some of the material on the test that was too confusing. Of course I'd probably forget all this information in the next few days, but who cares? I wasn't exactly planning on studying in the field of psychology.

I got to my room feeling so free! The idea of being out of school for a month was so exciting! I could go home and sleep for hours without having to worry about missing a class, homework assignment, or meeting. I opened the door singing loudly. Santana was inside packing her belongings. Crap! I totally forgot about packing!

"How'd it go?" she asked. Her voice was normal and she actually seemed curious. For a moment I considered ignoring the question or even thought I was imagining her voice, but the look on her face was enough confirmation that she wanted to talk.

I shrugged and let my excitement show. "I totally got at least a B!" I said happily, "Rachel's like a miracle worker!" I danced around the room happily.

San laughed and shook her head, "No B you're just smart." Her face turned red and she went back to folding her clothes. I nodded at her and walked over to my bed, pulling out a large duffel bag from under it. "Britt," her voice was so soft that I almost didn't hear her. I looked towards her. "I hate this." She shook her head as if surprised at her own words, "I hate not talking and I hate that I hurt you." She looked back at her clothing, "I miss us. It's only been a day and I miss being with you. That has to mean something?" My heart broke more at her words. I wanted to hug her and kiss away her pain, but I couldn't. At least not yet.

"San-"

"Britt. I'm so scared but you were wrong when you thought that you're not worth it because you are. That's what scares me; I'd give up so much for you." It looked like her confession was physically hurting her.

"San. I don't know what to say."

"Say you want to try this again, please" whispered San. I didn't want to hurt her. This is one of those rare moments that only I've ever witnessed, one where she's so vulnerable and I didn't want to wreck it.

"San it's not that easy," I replied with a sigh, "I want to so bad, but not yet." She looked away from me, "San it's just you're not ready. I know that right now it feels like we're losing each other, but we won't. I just know that if we trying this again right now, I'll just fall back to being your dirty little secret again and I can't do that again.

She opened her mouth and quickly shut it again. She looked like she was in deep thought before she nodded."Okay," She said quietly.

"Please don't be mad San. I've wanted this for so long, but you haven't. I'm giving you the chance to figure what you want out." It felt like I was begging for her to choose me without saying those words. In a few days I will probably regret rejecting her offer, but right now it felt like the right way to handle the situation.

"Can we not avoid each other at least? We've done that way too much this year." She replied making me laugh.

"Of course. Friends again?" I asked hopefully as she raised an eyebrow, "For now until we figure this all out?" She nodded and we smiled at one another. That numbness in my heart felt a little lighter. It was a ittle weird at first, but soon we were talking like normal again. Sure I wanted to do more with her, but for the meantime friends was perfect. We finished packing that night together and I fell asleep feeling way better than the night before.

* * *

The plane ride home the next day was quiet. We were in first class as promised and San looked so pleased and comfortable. Her head was resting against the window lazily, while she watched a movie. Being friends again was actually much easier than I thought it would be. Sure the temptation to kiss her at random moments was there, but then again I always had that temptation, I just never acted on it. Maybe this is what we needed. Our parents this time wouldn't be picking us up so we were forced to catch a cab to Santana's where she could use her car to drive me home.

The car ride, however, was different. Instead of the silence from earlier, we were both talking rapidly about everything and nothing as if the last few months had never happened. Something about that made me uneasy. Did I want to go back to just friendship? Could I go back to just friendship? If it meant keeping Santana around than maybe, but after experiencing those few kisses and amazing short lived moments of intimacy; no. I tried to stop these thoughts and focus on the fact that my best friend was still here and that I hadn't traded in the best friendship of my life for just a few weeks of bliss, but somewhere in the back of my mind waiting to escape was the deeper feelings I had stored for her.

"Oh my god that was the quickest car ride." Laughed San. I smiled back at her pushing back all the butterflies for her sake.

"Thanks for the ride," I said flashing a wide smile. Even with all the emotional turmoil going on in my brain, I still missed the easy friendship we had. Without thinking or hesitation I pulled her in for a hug. I wanted her to remember that I was still waiting for her and I wanted her to know that no matter what I am still her friend, no matter what my mind was telling me. I pulled away trying to hide my blush and shut the door. Without waiting for her answer, I opened the back door and grabbed my bag before leaving her there.

I lay in my bed just thinking. It seems like I've been doing that too often. I'd only been home for about an hour and was ready to go back to school. My parents welcomed me happily before noticing how "chubby" I had become. Serioiusly, I work out like 4 days a week and am proud of the abs that had formed on my tight stomach. What fat could they possibly see? To make matters worse my sister's flight was delayed so she would be coming tomorrow instead of tonight, leaving me alone with the parents. At least I had Lord Tubbington; he lay next to me taking up half the bed. My phone's buzz woke me from my thoughts.

**Hey i'm having a party tomorrow night. Are you in?** It was from Tina. I sat up instantly reading over the text. Before I could reply another text came in.

**Hey B. Tina's having a party. Are we going?** San texted. The way she asked made me smile instantly. It wasn't are you going? The fact that she included us like a packaged deal made me swoon. Who knows maybe she would choose me.

**Of course** I typed back.

**Perfect. Let's meet before though. My place at 4?** she wrote.

**Sounds good.** I typed back before throwing my head back and smiling. Suddenly home didn't feel so bad. I mean it could help with the whole San issue and I do have other friends other than San. I wonder what Rachel's doing? Part of me wanted to invite her, but I knew that my friends didn't exactly enjoy her company. Of course San was the only one blatantly mean to her, but the rest weren't very fond of her. I lay back wondering what my future held for me.

The next day came quicker to my happiness. I managed to leave the house earlier than 4 and meet Santana.

"Why did we decide to not spend our holidays in school?" I asked San as I plopped onto her bed ignoring the fact that I lay right next to her. She was sitting cross legged on her bed with her laptop on her lap.

"Because our parents threatened us and the fact that our school kicks us out for the holidays is a huge problem." she laughed

"Minor details," I scoffed.

"Your parents driving you crazy already?" she asked still staring at something on her laptop.

"Yea," I practically yelled. I sat up and leaned against her bed frame, "They keep talking about all of these plans they have for me. Not to mention they want me to go to church this Sunday and tell everyone how i've been going to church on campus and being the perfect child of god." To be honest I had forgotten about going to church for the last few months. In fact the bible they had packed for me was probably the most dusty item in my room. With all my feelings towards Santana and the partying, it felt wrong opening up a bible and pretending that i'm being the perfect girl. I actually felt guilty.

"You too huh," she said, "It's what our parents do, Britt. Mine are making me go too." she sighed.

"What exactly are you doing?" I asked curiously as she adjusted the color of something. She smirked at me and moved closer to me so I could see.

"San," I whined hitting her playfully.

"What Britt?" she laughed, "It's the truth!"

"Don't put this online, she'll never forgive you and it will take me a month to calm her down" I groaned. San was on her laptop playing with Photoshop. San managed to find a picture of Rachel on facebook and alter it completely. I had to admit San was amazing with Photoshop, you could barely tell that she had photo shopped Rachel's face onto Frodo's body; it looked almost perfect.

"Come on! We have to at least hack her phone and put this as her background picture! We'd probably be able to hear her scream from our room," Said a happy San. She had this scary glint in her eyes and this oddly creepy smile on her face. The idea definitely did make me smile. I could picture her face when she noticed.

"Okay let's do it," I agreed, "Just don't make it public please."

"I promise Britt-Britt" She hasn't called me Britt-Britt since we were kids. The name alone made me smile at the simple memories. I grabbed my phone with the need to look at our old photos when I noticed the time.

"Crap it's getting late. Come on let's get ready to see our friends!" I said excitedly. I ran to her Ipod dock and blasted her music.

We were in San's car, having taken like 2 hours to get ready, "I hope we're not too late," I said staring at the time.

"Oh come on, we're only half an hour late. They can live without seeing our beautiful faces for another few minutes." San replied as she drove the car. Her eyes had a spark in them and she looked so carefree. Her straight hair was flowing freely above her red crop top to the wind. she turned her head and I was met with her mesmerizing chocolate eyes. for an odd reason I didn't turn away, what was the point? She knows how I feel and it's not like I have to hide anymore. I smiled at her and turned back to the window. The radio was playing in the background covering the comfortable silence.

"Look who's here!" yelled a very happy Blaine. "It's S-Santitany!" he slurred clearly drunk. His clothing looked disheveled and he looked very flushed.

Both San and I looked at each other for a moment before laughing. "Did he just put our names together?" She asked curiously raising an eyebrow.

I shook my head slightly. "You see San, this is why we shouldn't be late," I laughed. We hugged Blaine who was now rocking his head to the music, his neatly gelled hair now turned into an afro of dry curls. We walked through the maze of people in the hallway, attempting to find our friends in the mess of people.

I followed San into the living room and was immediately taken into a strong embrace.

"Britt!"squealed Tina. She pulled out of the hug and proceeded to squeeze San to death. Her usually straight hair was still perfect; however, it was the deep red blush on her cheeks that gave her away. Also the goofy smile on her face with the faraway look in her eyes was a giveaway; Tina was way past drunk.

"Jeez Tina how much have you had to drink?" asked San as she pushed Tina away. Tina giggled loudly and walked back over to the group of people dancing. We followed and said hi to all of our old friends. We didn't know too many of the friends and in fact were only close to Blaine and Tina, but it was still fun hanging out with them again. San and I joined in the conversations about what was going on in McKinnley, catching up on all the new gossip before she left to grab us some drinks.

"Brittany?" asked a hesitant voice. I turned around wondering why that voice was so familiar. I had to blink a few times to make sure I was really seeing him.

"Artie..." I breathed out. It had been a year at least and although we weren't together for long, we shared a great friendship having both grown up in the same church together. Sadly our friendship ended the day we broke up; he stopped talking to me. "How are you?" I asked quickly, hoping that I wasn't dreaming. It hurt so much when he stopped talking to me.

"I've been really good actually. Just enjoying my last year of Mckinnley. It's been weird since you left though," he shrugged, "how's college life?" he asked pulling next to me.

"It's been fun," I said happily, "i joined a new dance team and we won a competition already!" I exclaimed.

"That's great. You've always been a great dancer" he said wistfully. I stared at him wondering what he was thinking. "How's the campus life? I heard you were living with Satan"

"Artie don't call her that," I warned. Usually I don't mind when people called her Satan, but that's because they say it playfully. It sounded like he was spitting on her name and it made me feel angrier than usual. "Its been eventful." I replied thinking of all the craziness of the year.

"I'm sure," he shrugged. What was that supposed to mean? I stared at him for a second, trying to understand why he decided to talk to me for the first time in a year. He seemed different. "With Santana around i'm sure you two have been great." he said taking a swig of his beer.

How much has he had to drink? "Artie what do you have against her?" I asked. Now that I think of it, he's never liked her.

He finished his can of beer and threw it onto the table next to me. "She's just not a good influence on you and I know she's the reason we didn't work out" he said with a hint of anger in his voice. So that's what it was?

"Is that what you think?" I asked worried. did he know that I like her? what if he does? So many emotions attacked me all at once. He would probably tell my family and the whole church before she was ready. I mean she hasn't even come out to me, so why would she be ready for the whole damn town?

"Well yeah. I mean we were so good, but then I noticed you two stopped talking and soon we were over. Obviously she played a role in breaking us up. She manipulated you into breaking up with me." he said angrily. I released the breath I was holding and tried not to laugh at his reasoning; if only he knew. Then it hit me, what was he trying to say about me? That i'm weak minded?

"Are you saying that i'm too stupid to protect myself from manipulations because that's what it sounds like." I asked angrily, "You don't know San at all and she's not as horrible as all of you think she is."

"I'm not saying you're stupid, I just think you let her affect your judgement at times. I mean you were such a huge part of the church and suddenly you barely attended."

"That's the same thing except different wording." I retorted, "And hello Artie i've been in college, I grew up! The last time I played a large role in the church was when I was the backup singer; I was 13." I could feel my face getting hotter.

"You see! You were never this... angry" he sighed. "I don't like who you're becoming."

"Artie..."

"Look I didn't come here to argue with you. I just wanted to see you... I missed speaking with you. I miss... us. It's all I keep thinking about." He said hesitantly. "Our relationship was left without any closure. I just wish we could try again." He must be drunk.

"Artie..."

"Wait Brittany i'm not done" He interrupted, "We should have dinner and you know catch up. Who knows we might have that spark again."

I stared at him dumbfounded. Did he literally just go from insulting my best friend, to me, and then to asking me out? "Artie that's not a good idea." I said as nicely as I could, which surprised me.

"Think for yourself Britt," he said softly.

"I am!" I practically yelled over the music, "I broke up with you because I wasn't into you as much as I should have been. Artie I broke up with you for myself. I'm sorry, but I need to go." I said trying to push away my anger. I can tell why san wanted to push him or just yell at him. I walked quickly away from him before my anger could take over. At this point I was walking without paying attention.

"Hey watch it there," said an angry voice.

"Sorry...San" I said after I noticed her. She was carrying two cups of beers in her hand, but by the look on her face, I could tell she had found the hard liquor.

"It's okay Britt." she said with an annoyed voice. What now? "What happened? Your reunion with Artie not go as planned?" she asked angrily. I looked at her closely, noting the glazed look in her eyes and flushed skin.

"You're drunk San," I sighed, ignoring her statement. What the hell? How long had Artie and i been talking because it didn't feel like that long?

"So what if I am?" she looked extremely mad, "What happened to you'll wait for me to make my decision? Was that all bullshit?" she asked. I looked around and luckily everyone was in the living area dancing and singing to the music; no one paid us any mind.

"Look...I can't deal with this now." I said resigned, "Is everyone mad at me today?" I mumbled to myself before attempting to walk away. I needed a drink and I needed one soon.

"No Britt," she said softly pulling me to a secluded corner of the room still balancing the beers, "I'm sorry. I may not be ready to shout it to the world, but I want you to know that I will fight for you. I will not give up even if i'm not completely ready." That makes no sense; I told myself.

"San... you're drunk. You don't know what you're saying." she mines well have been talking in a different language.

"I do Britt. even if you choose Stubbles _McCripple_ Pants, I will still try my best to figure out what this is." She slurred. My heart melted at her words. What was it about alcohol that made her spill these thoughts to me. I just wished that she wouldn't feel the need to drink so much in order to express herself. I nodded and let her pull me into a hug before pulling away.

"I'm going to go home San."

"Okay Britt-Britt. I'll come with."

"No San it's okay."

"No. It's okay. You can use my car. Come on follow me," she said drunkenly. Poor San is going to feel a hell of a headache tomorrow morning. I smiled as my best friend pulled me towards her car, handing me the keys in the process. In high School i'd have to fight her for the keys and then she would have started to cry hysterically.

**Author's Note: For some reason this part of the chapter was difficult to write. I hope you liked it. I wasn't feeling this chapter too much. The next chapter has lots more memories between Brittany and Santana. Let me know what you think.**


	8. Chapter 8

Author's Note: This chapter is plainly so you can see the sort of friendship Britt and San do have. I feel like I haven't been able to show the playful side to their friendship. I know i've made Santana seem like a terrible friend, which she really isn't. Who knows, maybe I might write a chapter in Santana's POV, i don't know yet. I sort of like that no one can truly tell what she's thinking. It makes it feel really angsty. haha. Also as you can see this is a really long chapter. Well enjoy!

Chapter 8: Christmas Holidays

"Mom i'm heading out!" I shouted from the open doorway.

"where to honey?" asked my mom. Her blonde hair was cut short and looked messier than usual. She was still in her running gear and it looked like she had just finished a race, due to the medal hanging around her neck.

"Just some shopping for Christmas." I shrugged. "Nothing too crazy."

"Oh with Santana?"

I swallowed thickly, "Nope. I'm going with Rachel."

"Okay honey. Have fun. Don't be home too late." I nodded and walked out.

I walked around the mall with a few bags in hand. Of course I waited until the last minute to do my Christmas shopping. I had managed to find every gift needed except for San's. I wanted hers to be special. At this point i didn't care that she wasn't answering my texts. Her words from those few nights ago still haunted me. Did she mean them? These are words that i had been dying to hear from her since I told her how I felt. Those few weeks we were together were great, but not once had she talked about telling anyone. I remember so many moments that I wanted to ask, wanted to know whether we would ever become public, but I never received an answer.

_The first time I tried to hold her hand, it was about a day after we kissed and decided to try dating. We were walking to the dining hall laughing about some joke that San had told me. It was getting chilly and the wind was hitting me like little rocks. I cuddled closer to her attempting to steal some of her warmth, just as I went to grab her hand, she pushed me away. It was neither rough nor soft, but it was enough to make me realize the little progress that we had made. As if waking from a trance, I stiffened. She tried to touch my arm, but I wouldn't let her._

_"Britt..." she said when I pulled away from her. I couldn't look at her. I felt so rejected and unwanted all by one movement from her. We continued walking into the building without saying anything to each other. I walked towards the stairs not caring if she followed. I just wanted to reach Rachel and Quinn and forget about how embarassed I felt. She stopped and grabbed ahold of my arm before I could rush away. I didn't fight it and let her pull me into a restroom, "Britt... look at me please." I kept looking away trying to wash away all the sadness that her rejection left me with. Her hands cupped my face and lowered it so i'd look at her, "I'm sorry. That was a little harsh." I looked at her annoyed, "Okay point taken I was too harsh. I'm sorry it was just a reflex. Please believe me. I-I just don't think i'm ready for everyone to know yet. Please just keep an open mind." She begged. I nodded at her trying to take in everything she said. "It's only been a day! I'm not ready for all of the looks and labels. Can we just please leave it at that?" I sighed deeply and nodded._

_"Okay," I didn't like the idea of being her secret, but it was only temporary right?_

I shook my head at her words wondering how it didn't matter. All it takes is one look and I follow her. It was easy saying yes to her and I had meant it when I said I would give her time, but if she expected me to wait forever, then I don't know if I could. After that day our growing relationship got better, but not easier. Sure I loved every minute of it, but it was definitely not easy. The first time I realized how difficult it would be dating Santana unofficially was three days later.

_We were sitting in the basement of our hall, attempting to study. Rachel and Quinn were with us sitting on the other couch. We were cuddling like usual when an unwelcomed voice broke us from our studying._

_"Hey Santana" Puck was smiling at San, while she squirmed uncomfortable. I wanted to smirk at him until I felt Santana shift away from me. I looked away from them and stared at my textbook. I could feel eyes on me and knew that Rachel and Quinn probably noticed the tension, but they stood quiet._

_"Hey Puck, what's up?" She looked back at her textbook._

_"Nothing. I was just passing by. Some of my friends live in the building."_

_"Really... Who?" asked Quinn. San looked at her confused before turning back to Puck._

_"Umm...well- yeah" he said uncomfortably. __"Well I better get going. I just wanted to say hi. I'll see you around." He looked directly at San._

_"Sure" replied San. She turned back to her textbook._

I never told her how annoying I found it that Puck somehow showed up at random times to speak to her throughout those two weeks, but I couldn't find the right time. I didn't want to ruin our new memories with arguments. We had so many fun memories those two weeks alone. Being able to kiss her and cuddle with her at any time was amazing. My favorite nights were the ones where we blasted music and I made her dance around the room with me. Somehow we'd end up having a pillow fight or throwing our stuffed animals at each other until we'd end up on the floor laughing hysterically. I shook my head at the memories wondering if we'd ever create newer ones.

"Penny for your thoughts," asked a familiar voice. I turned my head and smiled brightly, "Hey Jen!" I practically yelled, "What are you doing here?" I asked as I hugged her.

"My grandparents live here. Usually they come to visit my family, but my grandmother wasn't feeling too well so we came to visit." She said, "I didn't know you had family here."

"Yep I was born and raised in Lima sadly." I laughed.

She looked around carefully before turning her attention back to me, "Are you here alone?" She asked curiously.

"No, with Rachel. She's in the bathroom. We were doing some last minute shopping."

"Oh i'm surprised Santana's not here with you. You two are usually attached at the hip." The comment made me feel defensive for some odd reason. I think it was the way she said the comment as more of an accusation rather than plain observation.

"yeah she's busy." She nodded her head at me and then smiled.

"Okay. Well I better get going. My parents were walking to the car. It was nice seeing you." she said

"Same." I replied nodding my head. Just as she was about to turn around a high pitched voice interrupted.

"Oh hey Jen, fancy seeing you here. Are you leaving already?" asked a curious Rachel.

"Yeah. My parents are waiting for me."

"Oh that's rather unfortunate. If you're not too busy, Brittany and I are going to the movies tonight. Maybe you should join us." she asked. I stared at her wondering if that was the best idea? It's kind of obvious that I definitely found Jen attractive, so what was Rachel trying to do?

Jen looked at me before nodding, "Sure. I'd love to. You have my number Britt. Just let me know the details." she smiled before leaving.

When she was gone, I turned to Rachel and raised an eyebrow, "What?" she asked earning a look from me, "she seems really nice. It would be fun to make some new friends" she shrugged.

"Rachel..." I trailed off.

"Okay so she's totally into you and I thought since you weren't making any attempt to see her, maybe I could help."

"Thanks for trying, but Rachel firstly I still like santana, secondly she's not into me, and thirdly as much as I love hanging out with you; I don't think a date with a third wheel would be fun." I said laughing at the idea of Rachel on a date with me and someone else.

"Hey! I know and I did mean it when I said that you two would be cute together. I am rooting for you, but you have to face it; she may never be ready. I mean has she even called you or spoken to you since that fiasco at Tina's that I may add I was not invited to." she huffed.

"Yeah sorry about that" I apologized. Damn she had a point. San hadn't returned any of my texts, "no she hasn't." I turned to her, "I promised i'd give her some time."

"Look Britt. She has to show you she cares. The ball's in her court, the least she can do is speak to you."

I nodded.

"Come on let's go to my home. We have two hours until the movie." I nodded again and followed her.

* * *

"Where's Jen?" asked Rachel. We were waiting inside the theater lobby looking around. The theater was getting crowded and she had still not shown up.

"She said she was on her way." i shrugged.

"Did you tell her the right time?"

"Yes Rachel." I said annoyed, "I promise I told her-"

"Britt?" called out a voice.

"You see that's probably her-" I turned around to come face to face with my favorite chocolate brown eyes. Of course i'd run into her here of all places, "Oh hey."

She was staring at us curiously.

"Well I'm going to save us some seats. You know how packed these movies get. See you Santana." with that Rachel was gone; coward.

"What are you doing here? With Rachel of all people?" she asked

"We're doing what most friends do on their free days. We are watching a movie." I shrugged trying to act nonchalant.

She nodded, "Britt i'm sorry I-"

"Oh my god i'm so sorry i'm late. My family was- oh am I interrupting?" asked Jen. She was wearing a cute green blouse with leggings and boots.

I peeled my eyes away from her outfit and smiled at her, "Oh hey Jen. You made it! Don't worry Rachel's saving us seats."

"Cool." San just watched me and I turned away awkwardly.

I could feel such a thick tension building that my first instinct was to run; run away fast, "Yeah we should get going."

"Wait Britt just give us one second." she asked Jen while staring at me; I nodded at Jen who walked a few feet away from us. "What's she doing here?" she asked angrily. She was glaring at me causing me to feel extremely uncomfortable.

"What is it San?" I asked warily. "If you're here to ask me why i'm hanging out with my friends than please, you're just going to make me miss the movie."

For a moment she looked ready to yell, but then she calmed down considerably. Her glare disappeared and she looked deep in thought. "C-can I get your phone?" she asked hesitantly. I raised an eyebrow.

"San what's this about?"

"Please can I just get your phone?" I sighed and handed it to her. She entered my password and opened her contact up. "I just need to give you my new number." she said softly, "Apparently I dropped my phone Thursday night, during the party. I just got a new phone today before I got here. My parents were pissed and thought that they'd punish me by not allowing me to use the phone for 3 days." she said glumly. "Not to mention they had me cleaning the whole house since my abuela is coming tomorrow." I nodded at her explanation.

"Oh" It all made sense. Her purse was open when I drove her home.

"Yeah and sadly I would have remembered your number, but you've had way too many for me to keep memorizing" she laughed, "So now I can text you again." she smiled, "So you should get back to Rachel and Jen. You know how Rachel gets." I nodded and smiled at her. That tension was slowly clearing and I felt relieved.

"Yeah! You can join us if you want. Rachel wanted to be friendly and invited Jen along." I told her trying to clear the air.

"No its okay. I'm just here with Blaine. He's meeting me here in a few. He wanted to get away from his parents and I managed to escape mine by going to the ATT store. This was a last minute thing. I was going to call you as soon as I bought the tickets." I nodded, wondering if I should believe the story. Has it really gotten to the point where I am forced to doubt what San is telling me? I mean I saw the new phone with my own eyes, but is that the only reason she wasn't speaking to me? "Britt, please believe me? Look I'm not trying to play any games right now with you. At least I'm not on a date." she retorted.

"Stop it San." I said softly, "You know that I'm not on a date. If I was then Rachel would probably kill any mood." I laughed, "I don''t owe you any explanations, but because you're my best friend I'll give you one. I was shopping earlier and saw Jen at the mall. Rachel invited her out with us. She's just my friend."

"Who wants to be more."

"Honestly I don't know that." I replied shrugging, "San…I need to go my movie's starting in like 10 minutes and Rachel's probably going crazy."

"Yeah. Your- umm Jen I mean looks like she's getting impatient." Said San with a smirk. She gave Jen a look before turing back to me. "I'll call you later." She said before walking away. I shook my head and joined Jen who was trying to look everywhere but at me.

* * *

"Rachel, you know I can barely sing," I whined. "Singing is more of your thing. Can't we just go dancing?" I asked pleading with her.

"No! Brittany! Please, I feel like I haven't sang all week. I need this! Plus it will be fun, you can invite everyone!" she said happily.

"What's wrong with singing at a club?" I groaned. "We'd all probably enjoy it more."

"Brittany, have you ever sang at a club, whilst on the dance floor?" I nodded, "Exactly! Everyone is singing and my voice cannot be heard. I miss old-fashioned duets. Please!"

"Fine. But I get to bring Santana." I said causing Rachel's face to fall.

"But-but, she hates singing. She used to make fun of the glee club all the time in high school."

"That's because glee club was totally unpopular." I shrugged, "Remember I wasn't in it either, but does it look like I hate to dance?" I replied as I pulled out my phone.

**Hey San. So Rachel wants to do karaoke tonight. Please tell you can come and save me from my misery**. I wrote moving my phone out of Rachel's eyesight.

**You're kidding right?** She responded.

**Please San! Don't make me beg. I love Rachel and I admit she has a beautiful voice, but after 6 songs, she starts to sound more like a bird that won't stop chirping at 6AM!** I responded

**Haha, I remember that bird. Poor thing. Fine I'll go, but she better not hog the Mics or I will not be responsible for my actions!** I smiled at her response.

**Perfect!**

"San said she can come" I said happily.

"I swear if you two don't end up together I will go crazy! What's holding you two back now? I mean you talked to her at the movies earlier this week and even after she cleared up her whole mess, you two still aren't together; it's exhausting! Not to mention you have Jen who looked like a lost puppy when you kept talking about Santana! I swear to god I think I was ready to smack you with a random object. Thank god that wasn't a date!" she said all in one breath.

"Whoa slow down Rachel. These things take time. She's been texting me almost everyday, but with her abuela in town, it's sort of hard for her to get out of the house. Plus my sister's back and I've been spending some time with her. I've actually been thinking." I said taking a deep breath, "I want to tell her. I-I just know that she will understand. She left to college three years ago and I think she might be more accepting."

Rachel's eyes widened, "Wow Brittany. If you think you're ready."

"I just want to tell her. She and I have been so close over the years and I- god I just want to know someone in my family might accept me and my feelings. I don't think this is a phase and I definitely just want to be accepted." I groaned.

"Then, you should tell her." Said Rachel as she placed a comforting hand on my shoulder, while handing me a tissue; I didn't know I was crying. I could feel teardrops falling from my eyes and quickly dabbed at them. "Let's get ready."

* * *

We were sitting in a cozy dark room with a table, two mics, and large U shaped couch facing a TV all laughing hysterically. Tina and Blaine were attempting to finish the song that Santana had happily chosen for them.

"To the window! To the wall!" Tina shouted more than sang as she attempted to dance to the music. I jumped up at one point of the song to help them, but after a few minutes of hearing them sing the lyrics, I lost focus and ended up next to San, enjoying the show. Rachel was shaking her head, I'm not sure if it was to the beat or at Tina and Blaine. I'm actually surprised that Rachel managed to give up the Mics. After her 3rd song in a row, San took over the song picking and chose songs that not even Rachel was stubborn enough to sing, which made it more fun for us.

"Alright whose next?" asked Blaine as he put the mic down. "I definitely need a break" he gasped.

"Santana I think you should go! You haven't sung yet." Said Rachel with a smile. She was looking through music trying not to keep eye contact with Santana.

"Hmm how about no, not yet." She said.

"Come on San I know you have an amazing voice." I smiled. San sang a few times in her church when she was younger so I know she can sing. Not to mention the random times I hear her singing in our dorm. She smiled warmly at me and shook her head softly.

Suddenly a slower song came up on the screen.

"Aww who put the slow song on? We were just getting pumped." Said Blaine as he jumped up.

"Yeah I mean Taylor swift is totally not my thing." said Tina as she gave Rachel the mic.

"Well I for one would be more than happy to sing it if no one el-" started Rachel as she attempted to grab the mic.

San said with newfound confidence, "You know what? I'll sing it." San jumped up and took the Mic from Rachel. Rachel had a smirk on her face and didn't fight San. The melody played and she turned to the screen slightly. The song sounded familiar, but I couldn't for the life of me remember the lyrics.

She then turned to me making complete eye contact," You were in college working part time waitin' tables. Left a small town, never looked back. I was a flight risk with a fear of fallin' Wondering why we bother with love if it never lasts" she shrugged and winked at me before pacing around. I almost forgot how incredibly amazing her raspy voice sounded, but how had I not realized how sexy it sounded. The sound of her voice literally made me break out in goosebumps. I loved the raw passion in her voice, it made me wonder what other sounds she could make, due to raw passion. My eyes literally bugged out at my thoughts and I felt my face turn red.

"I say can you believe it? as we're lying on the couch. The moment I can see it yes-yes. I can see it now." Her eyes never left mine almost as if she was-no she wouldn't be singing to me in front of our friends.

"Do you remember we were sitting there by the water. you put your arm around me for the first time. you made a rebel of a careless mans careful daughter. You are the best thing that's ever been mine." My eyes widened at her words and I took in her words wondering if I was crazy; she had to be singing to me. I shook my head realizing that I was missing some of the song.

"We got bills to pay. We got nothing figured out. When it was hard to take yes-yes, this is what I thought about." she started moving slowly to the music.

"Do you remember we were sitting there by the water, you put your arm around me for the first time. You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter. You are the best thing that's ever been mine. Do you remember all the city lights on the water, you saw me start to believe for the first time. You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter. You are the best thing that's ever been mine " her eyes closed for a moment but when they opened, I was almost surprised by the emotion shown in them. They glowed slightly, emphasizing on the beautiful chocolate color of her eyes. She looked away and her gaze fell to the floor.

"I remember that fight 2:30am cuz everything was slipping right out of our hands. I ran out crying. and you followed me out onto the street. Braced myself for the goodbye cuz that's all I've ever known. And you took me by surprise. You said ill never leave you alone." She looked directly at me, "You said I remember how we felt sitting but the water and everytime I look at you its like the first time. I fell in love with a careless mans carless daughter. She is the best thing thats ever been mineee" she looked back at me with unshod years causing her eyes to glisten.

"You made a rebel of a careless mans carefull daughter. You are the best thing thats ever been minneee". She belted, her eyes on mine never moving from mine. I definitely wasn't dreaming, she was singing to me. I could feel unshed tears threatening to fall, but I refused to allow them. My heart as thudding and I wanted nothing more than to take her in my arms, but I still didn't know what this meant for us.

"Do you believe it? We're gonna make it now. Yeah-yeah." Sang San.

"I can see it now." she said softly into the microphone before handing it to Rachel. She smiled at Rachel and laughed, "I told you I could sing." my heart was beating rapidly and I wanted nothing more than to ask her a hundred questions and kiss her until her lips were numb. Was she trying to tell me that she is ready? or was she just singing? Was she even singing to me? Am I going crazy? There were so many questions that I needed answers to! San sat next to me as Tina and Blaine through questions after question at her.

"How have we known each other for years and I've never heard you sing?" asked Tina.

"Why were you never in glee club with us?" asked Blaine.

"Who were you singing to?" asked Rachel.

San only shrugged refusing to answer. Tina and blaine stared at her for another minute before shrugging.

Suddenly one of my favorite songs started playing. Tina and Rachel took over the vocals for a bit, but I paid them no mind. My head was everywhere and for once I wished we weren't surrounded by our friends.

"Come on Britt" yelled Tina as she pulled me up to dance. We laughed heartily as Tina attempted to twirl me and failed.

"I wanna dance with somebody, Wanna feel the heat with somebody!" We both belted out. I grabbed San's hand and pulled her up forcing her to dance with me as I yelled the lyrics. So maybe I wouldn't find out right now what San had meant in the song, but for right now I was content; I waited 10 years, what's a few more days?

* * *

"Britt this is not funny," whined San as I laughed hysterically. "I'm serious! My mom is seriously trying to make me slave away my life in the kitchen. She went into this whole lecture that I was getting old and if I wanted to meet the right guy that I'd have to know how to cook. Of course my abuela agreed. I feel like I'm surrounded by….old people. You need to save me! They're nicer to me when you're around. You always come over Christmas Eve!" she whined into the phone.

"Sorry San, you know I can't." I sighed. I was slipping on my boots, while holding the phone in between my neck and shoulder.

"That's right you have plans with Jen-Jen." She grumbled.

"Can you stop calling her that?" I whined, "Her family is going ice skating and she invited me along. I'd bring you, but I'm scared what you'd do with the blade under the skate."

"True that-" she laughed, "Just don't- never mind." She sighed into the phone.

"Don't what?" I asked quickly as I finally managed to get both boots on.

"Nothing" said San, "Have fun."

"Okay then." I said, "I'll call you later."

"Sure-sure" she mumbled before the line went dead. For days San and I had been talking non-stop. We never talked about the karaoke night, but I feel like we've definitely gotten closer. It's like she's opening herself up more to me and it's so amazing. However every time I mention Jen she seems to take 2 steps back. It's like all progress disappears even if for a few hours. I stood up and pulled on my jacket before opening my room door.

"Mom I'm going ice skating." I shouted.

"But Brit honey, it's Christmas eve. Couldn't you go another day?"

"Mom, I've barely had time for my friends lately, yet I am supposedly on vacation. I just want to go ice skating and relax." I whined.

"Alright. Well say hi to Santana for me" she smiled before walking away. Why does everyone think that all my plans are with San? I shook my head before leaving.

"Hey Britt! I'm so glad you could make it" said Jen with a large smile. How had I never noticed how similar her eyes were to San's. Though they were not full of as many emotions. Instead her face held all of her expressions rather than her eyes.

"Thanks for the invite! I love ice skating." I said truthfully. I smiled a forced smile, trying not to think of San's offer. I wish that I could have just cancelled on Jen, but I would have felt bad since aside from Rachel, i'm the only person who knows Jen in the town. It didn't make the yearning i felt to go to Santana's house and spend time with her and her family though. I don't know if anything at this point will fill the hole that only San seems to be able to fill. It didn't help that this would be the first Christmas Eve that I spent away from San since we were kids.

"Come on my family is over here!" she said excitedly, grabbing my hand. Her hand was soft and warm, yet it didn't quite fit mine. It was warm enough to be comforting and keep the cold away, but it just felt wrong. I struggled with the reflex to take my hand back from hers, but eventually my mind won and I let her drag me to her family.

"This is my family!" she said happily. There was an old couple sitting together; smiling at us. "My parents decided to be boring and stay home. Sorry" she apologized touching my shoulder. She had a smile on her face that didn't quite look as genuine as before. I smiled back at her and stared at her hand that lingered a little too long on my shoulder. This is ridiculous why am I even thinking about this? This is Jen that i'm with, not some random friend. We are just two friends hanging out, so why does this feel oddly like a double date with her grandparents? Why is that even an option in my head? All these questions were flooding my head and I felt like it would explode with all of my thoughts. "Britt? Are you coming?" she asked.

"Huh?" I asked before realizing that her grandparents had already walked up to the ticket counter. Her grandma looked frail as if she was getting over a fever. She was walking very slow and clutching her husband's arm roughly.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

I shook my head, "Yes. I'm fine." I only can't get my best friend out of my head. I only wish she were here. We walked to the counter and joined her grandparents.

"Here you go girls," said her grandma sweetly, handing me tickets to rent the skates.

"Oh you didn't have to," I replied taking out my cash.

"Oh no sweety, this is on us," she smiled a toothy grin. I shrugged and let Jen lead me to the rental skates.

An hour had passed and I was having so much fun. Jen had a great sense of humor and was a great ice skater.

"Hah! I almost had you there," I laughed as we both stopped at the wall.

"Almost! What can I say, i'm just that good" she laughed between deep breaths.

"Girls!" yelled Jen's granddad, "We are leaving soon." he yelled from the benches near our wall.

"Okay, just give us 20 more minutes," she yelled back; her grandpa nodded and walked back to the bench he and his wife were occupying.

She grabbed my hand, "Let's do a few more laps around." This time she guided us at a slow pace. We were standing so close together that my hips could easily collide given that we were the same height. The silence was comfortable as we skated slowly with the line of skaters. For the first time tonight, I felt at ease and relaxed. After our 3rd lap, Jen turned us slowly towards the entrance to the benches. We stepped slowly onto the rubber padding and walked towards her grandparents.

"There you girls are. You looked like you were having fun." said her grandma. Jen nodded and looked at me.

"Yes we were"

"Well that's great darling," her grandma said smiling at her. It was like they were talking to each other through facial expressions. I felt like I was intruding on a family moment. "You two look so great together," she said happily. My eyes widened and I looked at Jen who just shrugged.

"Thanks for coming Britt," said Jen as she parked the car in front of my house, "I don't know what I wouid have done if I was stuck with them by myself. Sometimes they forget that they are like 70" she laughed.

"your welcome. It was fun ice skating again." I said as I opened the door to the car. Her grandparents were so sweet and loving it made me wonder what mine were like.

"Yeah, we should totally do it again sometime." she replied.

"Yeah def-" I answered, "Bye Jen." I smiled and left the car deep in thought. Every part of the night played in my head like a movie and I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. Sure I had felt awkward for parts of the night, but it was definitely fun.

"Hey honey." greeted my stepdad, "Have fun skating?" he asked curiously from his seat on the couch.

"Hey Rob. Yeah it was fun." I replied happily.

"Oh that's great honey." His eyes were glued to the TV. "Can you get me another beer before you go upstairs?" I eyed the empty cans on the table and sighed audibly.

"Sure Rob." I walked quickly to the fridge and grabbed a beer. I shook my head as he took it graciously and placed his now empty can next to the growing pile.

My room door bursted open and I immediately jumped onto my bed. I looked through my phone and noticed the unread text from San. When had she texted me?

**Hey hope you're having fun.** I smiled at the text and sat up quickly. Her gift was neatly wrapped and placed on my desk. Immediately I flew off the bed and through the gift into a small bag along with some clothing. There was no way that I was throwing away a 6 year tradition.

"Mom, Rob!" I yelled as I flew down the stairs, two steps at a time.

"What?" asked Rob. "Going somewhere?" he asked gesturing to the bag.

"I'm heading to San's" I shrugged.

"Didn't you just spend all day with her?" asked mom as she entered the living room.

"No I was with my friend Jen and her family."

"Then why did you tell me you were with Santana?" she asked disbelieving.

"I didn't. You assumed I was." I sighed.

"Honey Christmas is tomorrow!" exclaimed mom.

"I know and I promise i'll be home tomorrow. Please" I begged. I had this strong urge to see San.

Rob grabbed my mom's hand and squeezed it, "Fine." she relented causing me to squeal.

"Okay i'll call you as soon as i'm there." I yelled giddily. The smile on my face was permanent and refused to disappear throughout the ride. Normally I would have called, but I wanted to surprise her. Sure today was fun with Jen, but at the end of the night the only person I wanted to see was San. My heart raced at the idea of seeing her smile.

"Oh hey there Brittany. I was wondering when you'd be stopping by" said Mrs. L. "Come on in." she said hugging me and then pulling me inside. "Santana! Door mija!" she yelled. "I'll set a plate for you"

"Thanks Mrs. L." I smiled gratefully. I could hear loud footsteps bouncing down the stairs.

"Britt?" asked a curious San. She was on her staircase staring at me, only making it halfway before she noticed me. "What are you doing here?" she asked.

"Well if i'm not wanted-" I joked moving my legs as if to walk.

"Oh hell no," laughed San as she ran down the stairs and pulled me into the largest hug, "You're not going anywhere" she had my favorite large smile plastered on her face, while she pulled me up the stairs and into her room. "I'm so glad you came!"

"I wouldn't change our tradition. Every year we spent Christmas eve together." I laughed.

"And to think I thought you'd forgotten." she laughed.

"What? Me forget? No I just thought i'd alter it a little with a sleepover; if you don't mind of course." I said sheepishly.

"Oh so that's what's in the bag. And here I thought you go me a huge Christmas gift" she laughed gesturing to the bag in my hand.

"Don't press your luck Sanny" I teased. She scruffed her nose at the nickname, but her smile never faltered. She laid on her bed leaving me to search through my bag until my hands wrapped around her gift. With a smirk, I threw the gift onto her stomach before plopping down next to her. "Merry Christmas Eve San."

"Ouch Britt," she groaned picking up the box, "Oh what is it?" She asked examining the wrapping. "Is it shoes?" she asked excitedly.

"I'm not telling," I laughed. She pouted and then leaned to the side of her bed and pulled out a present. "For you."

"Well..."

"What?"

"Should we open them?"

"What time is it?" I asked.

"Let's wait until midnight." she said after a few seconds, "I want these to be the first gifts we get on Christmas." I nodded at her and turned the TV on.

Hours later, "Oh my god you're impossible!" I yelled stealing the remote from her.

"Come on, I am not watching this!" argued San.

"We do this every year!"

"Exactly. It is time for a change." she said huffing.

"I'm sleeping over, isn't that enough of a change?" I asked.

"No, it just means I get to change the movies. I am not watching Rudolph the red nosed reindeer again." She tried to grab the remote, but I held it away from her.

"Come on! Frosty comes on next!" I whined.

"Oh please it's Frosty the Snowman returns! It's not even the first one!" she scoffed.

"But...it's Frosty" I said emphasizing on his name. When she didn't budge, my expression changed; immediately I used my backup plan. She can never resist it.

"Don't make that face, ugh fine." she said giving in, "damn pout."

"Yes!" I fist pounded the air.

"Next year I get to choose the movies," she huffed. I smiled brightly at her; next year she will definitely choose the movies. The fact that she knows we will still be this close makes me wish that we weren't 'just friends'. I pushed the thought aside and cuddled closer to her; for now this will have to do.

* * *

"Britt! It's 12:05; it's Christmas!" said San excitedly as she ran to the desk to retrieve our gifts. I loved seeing her so giddy, it's such a rare occurence that almost no one gets to see. San jumped onto the bed wrong, almost dropping both gifts causing me to laugh.

"Saw that" I giggled.

"No you didn't" she replied quickly handing me her gift.

"At the same time. 1,2,3" she said as she unwrapped my gift. This happens every year. I always love to watch her open her gifts. It's like she has this one special look just for presents. Every time she unwraps my gifts, her eyes would sparkle as her smile grew wider. It was the most genuine and amazing expression; like pure joy. This time wasn't any different, except that I wanted to surprise her this year. She unwrapped the box, "So you did get me shoes!" she laughed as she opened the box. "Uh... you got me a box?" she said still with her smile.

"Keep opening" I laughed. She pulled out the smaller box and untied the ribbon. Immediately her face lit up.

"Britt, its- gorgeous" She held the bracelet in her hand and stared wonderously at the charms.

"There's a charm for every special moment that impacted our friendship." I gulped.

"If I have one then you definitely need one." she said after a few seconds of analyzing the charms. "Help me put it on?" she asked.

I nodded as I clipped the bracelet to her wrist, "Oh don't worry, it's a friendship bracelet; I have my own." I laughed pulling the other bracelet out of my bag, "It's not as filled as yours, but they're a matching set."

"Thank you so much," She pulled me into a warm hug and then pulled away, "Hey open your gift!"

"Alright, alright." I unwrapped the bow and opened the black box, "Wow." Inside the box was a beautiful gold necklace.

"I remember someone stole the necklace your biological father bought you earlier this year, so-"

I cut her off, "It's beautiful San. Thank you so much!" I said wholeheartedly feeling my throat swell up. I remember how much I cried that day, while San held me. It was the last gift my dad had bought me before he married into a new family and forget I existed. My body urged me to just kiss her already, but I didn't want to push her away. Instead I threw myself on top of her and pulled her close, "I love it!" I said.

"I'm glad. Merry Christmas Brittany" said San softly. Her breath touched my shoulder making me shiver slightly.

"Merry Christmas to you too San." We pulled away slowly and I stared into her beautiful brown eyes. "Can you help me?" I asked gesturing to the necklace. The necklace had a gold band with a heart pendant. "It's perfect." My heart kept telling me to just inch closer and take what you've always wanted, but I admit I was terrified. It was like every emotion associated with love was piling up and threatening to take over. I was fighting to keep a rational mind. A soft knock on the door broke my thoughts. We both turned to the door and smiled at the intruder.

"Merry Christmas girls!" said Mrs. L. as she entered the room smiling. "It's so sweet to see you girls exhanging gifts. It brings me back to when you two first started doing this. You were 12 right?" she smiled brightly and pulled us both into one armed hugs, "Oh yea your parents called earlier to make sure you got here safe. Don't worry I told them you were fine and that we'd make sure you were home early tomorrow. Goodnight girls!"

"Thanks Mrs. L and Merry Christmas!" I said gratefully. I had totally forgotten to call my family.

"Merry Christmas mom!" said San before her mom left.

"God I love your mom" I said throwing myself back onto her bed.

"Yeah she's awesome" yawned San. She pushed the boxes off the bed and pulled the cover over us.

"Goodnight San"

"Night Britt" She cuddled into my side. My hands played with the necklace, while my thoughts scanned over the events of the day. I can't believe she bought me a gold necklace. God she must have spent a fortune, it's not like gold's cheap these days. I pushed the thought of the cost out of my head and smiled at the implication of the necklace; it was a heart. Maybe she would be ready soon.

"Merry Christmas!" I yelled as soon as I entered the house. It was 8am and as promised, I was home early.

"Merry Christmas Britt!" yelled Carly from the kitchen. I entered and saw my mom and Carly finishing up breakfast and starting our Christmas dinner.

"Merry Christmas honey" said Mom as she stirred her special sauce. "Your presents are already on your bed," she said nonchalantly. Yep that's my family, we are not really into "Family Bonding."

"Whoa who is this all for?" I asked eyeing the table that was full of a large variety of foods.

"The pastor's family is stopping by. They haven't seen you since you weren't feeling too well last week to attend church and decided to stop by." said mom with a smile.

"Alright" I shrugged taking a seat in front of the plater that Carla set for me, "How is Jillian?" I asked, "Last time I saw her she was giving me advice on finding a good church on campus."

"Oh really how'd that go?" asked Carla amused. I glared at her and threw my napkin at her.

"How do you think?" I laughed.

'Oh girls, it really can't be that bad. I'm sure if you really looked you could find one." scoffed mom.

"Mom be serious." replied Carla as she rolled her eyes.

"I am."

"Is that why you invited Pastor Brandon and his wife Jillian over?" asked Carla. I widened my eyes and groaned.

"Oh god please I don't need any more lectures" I whined.

"I promise Jillian just really wants to see you."

"Okay." I replied hesitantly. I hope that's all it is about. "Well I'll go freshen up before they get here." Before they could respond I ran up the stairs and disappeared into my room.

* * *

"Hello Pastor Brandon!" I greeted happily, "The pastor's been a good friend to my family for almost 10 years.

"Ahh Brittany, it's so great to see you." he said pulling me into a hug. He always reminded me of Santa Claus, he was a heavyset man and always seemed so cheerful; not to mention his hair was graying.

"Same to you! Hi Jill!" I yelled as I threw myself into her arms. When high school became difficult and my parents were constantly on my case, Jillian became my mentor. She was the only adult aside from the Lopez's that believed in my dancing.

"My girls!" she yelled happily, "It's so great to see you both here!"

"Jillian, Brandon! I am so pleased you could make it," said mom; behind her stood Rob.

"Thanks for inviting us," said Pastor Brandon, "Sadly we can't stay too long; just for dinner."

"Perfect. Dinner is ready, girls can you help me serve the plates?" asked mom. We rolled our eyes but followed her anyway, while Rob showed our guests to their seats. I hate how formal our parents make the dinners. Dinner was going great until Jillian brought up college.

"So girls how is college? Have you found a church to attend?" asked Jillian. I gulped and looked at Carla who shrugged.

"No not yet. There's not too many on campus that are similar to ours." I replied

She nodded in understanding, "Yes but you really need a good church to fall back onto. College is a time where you will face the most peer pressure. It's good to have a group of people who understand and are your age to guide each other." I nodded and tried my hardest to not roll my eyes. Do they really think that I don't know this? How do they think I feel? I am committing what is considered a huge sin by falling in love with a girl. I think I am way too far gone to be helped. Do I even want to be helped?

"Yes and you really should stop by the church; both of you" said Pastor Brandon. After that Carla and I both stayed quiet and barely kept in tune with the conversation. When dinner was over and we placed the dishes in the dishwasher, I followed Carla to her room.

"Carla, umm are you busy?" I asked stopping at the door.

"Not at all," she replied with a small smile, "Come on in." her room had not changed one bit. There was clutter everywhere, yet the room still looked clean and organized; similar to Carla's personality.

"Thanks," I smiled back. "wow it's scary how our rooms almost never change now." I said trying to find the courage to say what I had been dying to tell her.

"Yeah. It's definitely crazy" she replied, "So what's up. I doubt that you came in here to talk about our rooms."

"Carls have you ever did something that you know isn't what the church agrees with?" I asked. She looked thoughtful for a moment.

"Look Britt, if this is about the whole no premarital sex thing, that's been gone for a long time," she laughed. "I mean how do they expect us to wait? It is so damn hard to wait!" she ranted.

"Haha well I already know that, but no it's not what i'm talking about," I laughed as her expression changed to a confused one.

"Wait how do you know?" she asked.

"Come on the walls aren't that thin and I know a hickey when I see one." I said with a bright smile. "Plus the way you and that Ricky guy were all over each other, it was so obvious."

"Oh so someone has experience I see" she teased causing me to blush.

"Not really." I blushed redder.

"Wait, are you telling me that you're still-"

"Yes, I mean partially. Like i've never gone all the way, but I saw a guys penis before; Artie's." I said.

"So you've never actually had...sex?" she asked hesitantly.

"No." I shook my head surprised at how easy it was to talk about this with her. Not even San knew that I was a virgin. We never really spoke about sex or at least I never did to her.

"Oh my god. I really thought that you had." said a surprised Carla

"What do I have the word "ho" written on my forehead?"

"No, its just... I don't know the vibe you give off especially with your dancing." she laughed. "Just so you know it doesn't make you a ho or a slut if you decide to have sex." I nodded at her words taking in the meaning, "So is it because of church that you haven't?"

"Not really. I just haven't met the right person...wait that's not right. I have met someone that I want to, but its...complicated." I said hesitantly.

"How so?" she asked with interest.

"umm well you see..." I trailed trying to find a decent way to word this.

"Yes..." she asked waiting impatiently.

"I sort of...well"

"Spit it out" she said irritated.

"I think...actually well I know that I am sorta bi-sexual." I said hesitantly.

she stared at me for a second then looked away, "Wait...what?" se was watching me with curious eyes.

"I'm bisexual" I stated. It was actually easier saying the second time. I actually felt free telling her.

"Yeah I heard you the first time." she replied, "Are- how do you know?" she stuttered. I don't think I have ever heard her stutter.

"Well I seem to be attracted to both," I shrugged, "But the only person I can see myself with is... a girl."

"Wow-well okay..." she said with a blank look on her face.

"You're not... mad are you?" I asked.

She turned to me quickly with a shocked look on her face. "Mad? No! Of course not, surprised maybe, but mad no. You're my sister and no matter who you are, I would never hate you or judge you. Hell with all the stuff I do in college, I could never judge you. I just never thought that you were...you know. Sure you flirt an awful lot, but I never thought you liked girls. Though now that I think of it, I guess I should have known. I mean you and Santana are just way too close." she said with a smirk.

"Wait...what?"

"Oh so its not Santana that you're into?"

"Well yeah, but how did you know."

"It's not that difficult to read. I mean usually its the best friend that causes you to notice your attraction. Either that or the fact that you two are scary close. I mean you remember what mom used to say," she asked.

"Yes and i don't want to be reminded." I said trying to rid myself of the terrible words my mom had yelled years ago to Rob. I shook my head at the bad memories.

"So have you told her?" asked Carla.

"Yes..." I said feeling tears threaten to fall. It's like all of the pain from the last few months returned.

"Oh what did she say?" she asked watching me closely.

"That's a whole other story for another time." I replied trying to blink away the tears.

"Oh come on! Mom and Rob are out! You need to tell me!" she said with a small smile, "Please?" she asked opening her arms for me.

"Fine" I said softly throwing myself into her arms, allowing the tears to fall as I told the story of my last few months.

* * *

Days flew by and I found myself preparing my outfit that night for New Years. I spent two days shopping for the perfect outfit with Rachel and could not wait to show it off. It was a beautiful white dress with a black pattern.

"Do you think she'll like it?" I asked hesitantly staring at myself in the mirror.

"Whoa Britt you look Hot!" said Carla, "She'll definitely love you in that. That depends though which she you are referring to?" For the last few days I had been talking to San and Jen. San was definitely right about Jen. Ever since the ice skating trip, she has been texting me nonstop about going out for dinner. I'm pretty sure if Santana weren't around or if we weren't on good terms, then I would have wanted to accept Jen's offer, but I just can't give up on San. I can't forget the feeling of her lips on mine or the way she makes me feel. I don't want to forget and i definitely won't mess up the progress we've made. I just haven't found a way to tell Jen yet.

"Come on Carla, you know who i'm talking about." I groaned.

"Yes, but it still fun seeing you squirm. If she doesn't make up her mind soon than i'm going to hurt her because she will definitely lose you. I mean you'll be attracting the attention of both guys and girls. "

"Aww thanks Carls." I turned to her, "Whoa Carls you are looking smoking hot!" I whistled jokingly.

"I know thanks." said Carly as she fixed her black dress. "Now lets go party!"

It was already a quarter after eleven and the party was in full swing. Carla and I walked into the club together, luckily she was friends with the bouncer or else we would have never made it inside. Also it did help that I had my fake ID on me.

I looked around hoping to spot my friends when suddenly I was swept into the air by someone.

"What the-" I yelped before I recgonized those green eyes, "Carter! Put me down!" I laughed smacking him playfully.

"Alright, alright." he said before he saw my sister who was rolling her eyes, "There's my favorite girl!" he laughed before pulling her into a hug, "Finally the Pierce sisters back from college!" His eyes were on Carla taking in her outfit. This was definitely my cue to leave. I definitely did not need to see my sister flirt with the one guy who'd probably do anything for her.

"Well i'm going to go to the restroom. Bye!" I said pushing my sister towards Carter. I darted away and laughed at her glare. Instead of going to the restroom, I found myself walking to the bar.

Before I could get close enough to order a drink, someone was calling my name. "Britt!" squealed a voice. I turned around and was pulled into a firece hug. "You're here!" said the happy voice. When she pulled away I was met with a dazed looking Jen. Her eyes l=had this faraway look in them and she was smiling this goofy smile.

"Hey!" I greeted. Aside from her obvious drunkenness, Jen looked hot! Her black dress hugged her body in all the right ways. She could easily pick any guy up if she really wanted to or any girl for that matter.

"You look amazing!" she said eyeing my dress. "Definitely amazing." her voice was lower than usual making me shiver. "Do you want to dance?" she asked as a fast paced song came on. I looked around quickly and still hadn't seen Rachel, Blaine, Tina, or San so I shrugged and took her hand. I could use a good dance to clear my head.

"So this takes me back" reminisced Jen. I quirked an eyebrow, "We met dancing, and the first time I realized that I...liked you was from dancing at the party, even though you ran off so quick." she slurred. Jesus how much has this girl had to drink? Her face was close to mine and I could smell her perfume, it smelled so good. Wait...did she just confess that she liked me. She was staring at me as if waiting for my reaction. Suddenly as if on cue, we were joined by a small group of people; thank god.

"Britt!" yelled Tina, her face was tomato red and she was smiling. "I didn't see you!" she hugged me close, swinging us from side to side.

"Looking good Britt" said Blaine. He was dressed in a suit and bow tie.

"Same to you Blaine. Who are you trying to impress?" I asked raising my eyebrows.

"You never know," he shrugged.

"Not going to say hi?" asked a raspy voice. I turned around quickly, worried that I was imagining the voice.

"San!" I yelled embracing her. Her perfume was intoxicating and made me want to pull her close forever. It amazed me how our bodies fit together perfectly.

"Don't crush poor San Britt" laughed Tina. "Hey Jen right?" Jen looked completely awkward standing there, staring everywhere but at me.

"Oh yeah this is Jen. Jen this is Blaine and Tina." I said trying to forget about the awkwardness of the situation.

"Hi," she said shyly. "I'll go find Rachel." Santana was eyeing Jen until she was completely gone. By this time our friends had drifted off towards the bar, in hopes of refilling their drinks before the bar closed.

"You two looked awfully chummy" grumbled San.

"Chummy San? Really?" I said laughing at her choice of words.

"Britt..." she groaned.

"We were just dancing San." I said softly hoping that she'll understand.

"Awfully close...you looked like you were really enjoying yourself." she said. She was smiling, but I could almost hear the accusation. For some reason this was making me mad. I feel like i've been spending these last few weeks trying to show her that I care, yet we have gotten nowhere. Can she really blame me if someone else is obviously interested? I mean how patient can she really expect me to be? Did I really want to start the new year like this?

"And...?" I asked causing her to stare in shock. Immediately I regretted it, but it was too late.

She nodded quickly, "okay then." she said, "I'm going to go get a drink."

"San." I whined before she walked away and became lost in the crowd. "Shit" I mumbled.

"That didn't work out too well did it?" asked Carla. She handed me a drink, which I drank gratefully.

"Not too much."

"Don't worry she'll come around. Let's just hope she does before the other one," laughed Carla.

"Britt dance!" yelled Tina as she did this crazy twirl with Blaine.

"God to be young again" Carla shook her head.

"Carls you're only 21." I laughed.

"I know and I feel old as hell with you and your friends." she replied.

"Then go with your own."

"I feel so offended, I only wanted to be with my sister to welcome in the New years. I am so hurt" I raised an eyebrow, "All my close friends are away or hate me for this odd reason." she laughed at herself and chugged her drink.

"speaking of New Year-Crap we are 5 minutes away." I said feeling the realization of my situation hit me.

"So who are you going to kiss sis" said Carla. Could she read my mind?

"Have you even figured that out?" I asked.

"Well i'm sort of in between that hot guy by the bar or the cutie with the goatie. I don't know yet. I'm feeling exotic tonight." she said with a smirk.

"You're..." I shook my head.

"Amazing? The best sister ever. I know" she interrupted.

"I love you Carls." I laughed. God how did I go these many months without my sister?

"Aww don't get all sentimental on me Britt" she laughed pulling me into a one armed hug.

"I do say though, that guy with the goatie is looking kind of hot." I replied

"Right?" said Carly. "So sis back to the question, who will you kiss?"

"Carly at this point I don't think i'll be kissing anybody. The one person I really want to kiss won't even let me hold her hand in public." I groaned.

"Well there is the other one."

"What is the big deal with these kisses?" I asked angrily, "Why do I feel the need to kiss someone into the New Year? Can't I start it just hugging my closest friends and family?" I huffed.

"Sis that's what all the single people say," she smirked.

"Alright everyone, pair up and let's start this countdown to the New Year!" yelled the DJ. My eyes widened as I realized that I was out of time.

I stared at Carly and felt happy that I at least had her. She took my hand and squeezed it.

"10, 9, 8" everyone started counting.

Blaine was standing next to a cute blonde guy swaying back and forth and Tina was with a tanned guy with dark hair. At least they had someone even if for a night.

"6, 5,4"

I looked around and saw more couples forming and my heart fell. I hate New Years and its expectations! This sucks.

"2,1" I made eye contact with my sister and smiled. Family is all you have left I guess.

"Happy New Year!" yelled everyone. Couples everywhere started to kiss or hug. Just as I was about to pull my sister into a hug, she was swept away by Carter. i shook my head and turned just to have soft hands pull me before I could collide with her body.

"Happy New Year Britt," said a familiar voice before her arms went around my neck and pulled my head down so our lips could collide.

Author's Note: Sorry for the delay. As you can see this is the longest chapter i've written. I just had so many ideas that I wanted to place in the chapter. Thanks for reading and let me know what you thought. Who kissed Britt? You'll find out next chapter.


	9. Chapter 9

_Author's Note: Thanks everyone for the reviews. I enjoyed reading all the reactions. I had two different ideas for this chapter and wrote the kiss two different ways, with two different people before i finally decided to just write it the way I envisioned it. Please keep an open mind when you read. Also it's a really short chapter, but I didn't want to keep you all waiting too long. _

_Disclaimer: I own nothing _

Chapter 9: What a night

I tangled my hands into her hair and basked in that familiar perfume that I loved the most. Her lips were so soft and danced with mine in perfect sync as if we've been doing this for years. My heart was beating insanely fast and I was sure that I'd probably fall over any minute, but I didn't want to end the kiss. My body wanted more; I wanted more. She deepened the kiss and soon our tongues battled for dominance. Her fingers were tracing patterns on my jaw as she slowed the kiss down and pulled away slowly. My lips suddenly felt cold, but I tried to ignore the urge to kiss her again and focus on breathing properly.

"Happy New Year Britt" whispered San in between breaths. Even with my eyes closed I knew it was her. Her scent, her lips, the feel of her body pressed against mine was permanently engraved in my mind; I could recognize it anywhere.

"Happy is definitely an understatement." I breathed out before we both laughed. "Happy New Year San!" It was an amazing feeling to just be in her arms again, in public. Then it hit me crashing the dazed feeling that I was experiencing. I looked away from her eyes briefly and noticed the stares. San; however, didn't seem fazed, then again she was staring at my lips, whilst licking her own. Before she could get carried away again, I opened my mouth to stop her, but was met with her soft lips again. This time she deepened the kiss quickly and every coherent thought left my mind except San and how she was making me feel. I've kissed many people and have never felt the emotions that her kiss was making me feel.

"Get it Sis" yelled Carla extremely loud causing me to laugh into the kiss. It was enough for San to pull back. For a moment I was worried that she would run or that she kissed me on impulse, but then I noticed the smile on her face seemed permanent.

"Always the charmer Carls" said San as she turned away from me to look at my sister.

"Oh you know me Santana." She said with a smirk before a genuine smile appeared on her face, "Oh come here you two!" she said pulling San and I into a group hug. I was too happy to care that she was messing up my hair or that I couldn't really breath. "I'm so happy for you two. What took you so long?" she asked. When she pulled away she fixed her hair and laughed, "What is wrong with these two?" she asked gesturing to the surprised look on Blaine and Tina's face.

"Are you guys oka-"

"How did I not know about this?" asked Tina cutting me off.

"I knew it! To think I thought my gaydar was way off!" said Blaine snapping out of his daze. "I knew it!"

"Shut up Blaine" laughed Tina, "Well it will definitely take some getting used to, but yay! I'm glad you guys found each other!" she hugged both of us, "Happy New Year!"

"Yeah what she said" He laughed hugging us.

"I guess I should say finally" said Rachel. She was standing behind Blaine and Tina shaking her head at us. "it only took how many months!" She laughed.

"There you are!" I yelled finally seeing Rachel for the first time tonight. "Come here!" I yelled pulling her to me. "Happy new year!" Rachel had been such a great friend to me this year, even with all her flaws, I wouldn't change her.

"Someone's happy at least" said Rachel with a bright smile, "but you might have some explaining to do." She whispered earning a confused look from me. She gestured to the entrance of the club where a figure stood against the wall staring in our direction. Our eyes met and she gave me a soft smile that looked more like a grimace before she left.

"Jen," I mumbled. Of course I had forgotten about her.

"Yep, there goes my ride," said a wistful Rachel, "Don't worry, she'll come around." I nodded wondering how awkward dance rehearsals will be from now on.

Arms encircled around my waist pulling me to her and immediately I pushed my worries aside. Suddenly it hit me, I was finally with my best friend, cuddling in public; happy. It all seemed surreal. Instead of pinching myself, I turned around and was met with her chocolate brown eyes. She was smiling at me. I wonder what changed her mind. I shrugged and instead vowed to enjoy the night.

The night went on with lots of dancing, drinking, and plenty of kisses in between until Blaine and Tina were saying their goodbyes. Rachel pulled San and I to the side so we could say Happy New Year to Quinn.

"Well since my ride left, i'll catch a cab with those two drunks." laughed Rachel. I guess all the drinks Quinn's given Rachel this past semester has helped build her tolerance because she was somehow standing straight.

"Wait Jen left?" asked San confused.

"Well yeah. I mean with your whole display did you really expect her to stay? Especially after-" said Rachel as she gave San an unreadable look. What was I missing? "Never mind" she said.

"Okay what exactly am I missing?" I asked. Since when do those two share secrets?

"N-nothing Britt," said San as she avoided my eyes.

"Just tell her," said Rachel earning a glare from San, "I mean it is pretty funny now that I think of it." laughed Rachel, "Uhh...i'm going to get going. Happy New Year!" She was gone leaving us alone.

"Okay now you have to tell me," I said.

"Britt" she whined, "Don't make me." she said grabbing my hand. She looked so cute and her pout was not helping the situation.

"Fine, but can you at least tell me what changed your mind?" I asked gently. The question had been burning my mind since San kissed me at midnight in front of my sister and some of our friends. She looked at me closely before grabbing my hand and leading us to an unoccupied booth.

"I sort of had been planning this." she admitted, "After the party, I was drunk, but I remembered almost everything I said to you. I-I didn't know how to fix this. When I saw Jen with you at the movies I realized I needed to fix this quickly, so I-umm...well I spoke to Rachel." My eyes widened, "She had been pushing me to sing to you partly because she wanted to hear my singing voice." She giggled before turning serious again, "I realized that I needed to show you that i'm ready. I've been ready since karaoke night. I know that this- you're who I want to be with and i'm done running. I wasn't angry earlier, I was just thinking of how I would go through with the plan. When we saw Jen making her way to you, something in me snapped. I realized it had to be now and that I had to show you now before I lost you." she admitted. I grabbed her hand and took in her words.

"San you hadn't lost me. Honestly you weren't even close to losing me." I told her.

Then it hit me; the collision.

"Wait...so when you kissed me, I had collided with someone," I stated, "Was that... you?" she looked away guiltily. "San..."

"Actually it was Rachel. A very panicked Rachel" she laughed, "Who knows what she would have done if I hadn't reached you in time." She had a mischievous glint in her eyes.

"What do you mean?" I asked curiously.

San only smiled, "It's not like you would have had to kiss her back or anything," she laughed. San's smile only grew wider.

"Wait...What? I almost had to kiss Rachel?" My eyes widened. The thought of kissing her was killing my mood. I shook my head wondering exactly how my night would have turned out it Rachel had been the one to kiss me instead of San.

"Try not to think about it," I nodded and promised myself that i'd speak to Jen in school, right now I just wanted to enjoy every moment with San. "We should get going" she said. I looked around and realized that all our friends were already gone and the bar was slowly emptying.

The ride to my house was quiet, yet relaxing. We cuddled together in the back of the cab, holding hands, and enjoying each other's warmth.

"Goodnight San, let me know when you get home okay," I told her as I moved to open the cab door. I still wasn't sure about how she felt about public displays especially this close to my house. Who knows if the cab driver is someone we know. San made such a huge step today and I wasn't sure if I should push her. Just as I went to open the door, she grabbed my other hand gesturing for me to turn around. Her face was barely inches from mine and soon her lips were on mine. It was a soft kiss, that meant so much; almost like a promise.

"I'll call you as soon as i'm home." she promised. It was nights like these that I wished we were back in college, in the privacy of our own dorm.

"You better, goodnight San" I repeated as I opened the door and walked up to my house. I felt like I was walking on clouds, my smile wouldn't disappear and I wondered how i'd ever fall asleep. My house was quiet, it reminded me of when I was a child. We would go to church for New Years to celebrate. Sometimes San was able to come, but when she wasn't I would be on the phone with her almost half the night, until my mom would force me to mingle. Back then life was easier, I didn't realize that I had strong feelings for my best friend and I definitely didn't realize that I was attracted to both women and men. I was able to celebrate the New Year oblivious to anything other than the fact that i'd have to write the year differently on my homework assignments. I never thought of the New Year as a way to celebrate your life changing. My phone buzzed and I excitedly ran to my bed to read the incoming text.

**Hey Britt, I just got home. Can I call now or are you still changing?** I re-read the text and smiled before replying. This was definitely the most life changing New Years i've ever experienced. Tomorrow we'll figure everything out, for tonight I just want to enjoy the possibilities that this New Year has to offer.

_Author's Note: There were many different ways that I thought about ending this chapter, but honestly after watching Glee last night, I figured Brittana needed to happen at least here; at least give them one victory even if it is not on the show. I wrote two versions of the kiss, as some of you may have noticed I described Jen as being Brittany's height on purpose to give a hint. I kind of thought the idea of Rachel kissing Brittany as funny, so I wrote that scene out to see how it would play out. If you really want me to, I could post it for next chapter just for laughs. Let me know! Also thanks for the many reviews they were fun to read!_


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee and any of its characters. This story is purely for fun.

Chapter 10: Reality kicks in

"Brittany!" Yelled mom. I had just gotten dressed and was in the middle of combing my blonde hair, but she kept calling me. "Hmm I should cut my hair" I told myself as I stared at my hair. It had gotten longer in the last few months and was almost down to my butt. "Brittany!" yelled my mom again.

"I'm coming" I snapped back before I put my brush down. Just as I was about to turn around my door opened and then shut, "what is it mom? I said I was coming."

"You were taking too long," quipped a raspy voice.

"San!" I squealed as I turned around and made contact with her smiling face and chocolate eyes. Before she could respond I flung myself at her. Lucky for us she was used to my strong hugs and managed to hold us in place. I pulled back slightly and placed my lips onto her soft ones.

"Mmm I could definitely get used to this greeting." She said with a large smile on her face.

"Good because that's my favorite way to greet you." I replied kissing her softly again, "so not that I don't love your visits, but I was not expecting you at-" I glanced at the clock, "10 in the morning on the day of the new year" I laughed.

"We'll after getting about no sleep, I had the brilliant idea of just coming over and seeing the beautiful face I've been thinking about all night." I gulped at her and looked away at the closed door making sure it was still closed before I captured her lips again for a longer kiss.

"Well I'm glad you came over." I whispered against her lips. "So what do you want to do?" I asked moving out of her embrace.

"I honestly didn't think of anything. As long as its with you then I'm happy." She replied. How did I not know how charming San could be? I am loving this new side of her.

"Okay. I could use some coffee." I said thinking about the Caramel Macchiato that should be in my hands right now.

"Coffee addict" she teased.

"Hey! You of all people should know that coffee is what keeps me civil. So if you want your girlfriend to be civil than you should definitely invest in a Starbucks rewards card. " I joked before realizing what I said. Thank god my voice wasn't too loud or that my parents were both downstairs. I looked away quickly and went back to the dresser to find some socks. Her soft hand touched mine and I turned around hesitantly hoping I didnt make everything awkward. I have no idea what we are and I'm fine waiting to figure it out, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm unsure of the boundaries. Santana can be an open book at times, but when it comes to her intimate feelings, it's like trying to translate Dutch.

"Britt..." Whispered San. Her lips pressed against mine again and she pulled me closer to her body, "I actually was going to ask you later, but will you- uhh- will you be my girlfriend?" My heart fluttered and my smile widened.

"Took you long enough" I teased before capturing her lips.

"I guess we should talk." She sighed when we broke apart.

"Not here," I said gesturing the the door, "not when my parents are downstairs." I said, "let go get some coffee and chat there" she nodded and took my hand.

"Works for me. lets go"

* * *

"Mmm" I moaned as I sipped on my caramel macchiato.

"You are such an addict"

"Mhm and you love it" I laughed, "you know you want some" I teased holding the coffee in front of her face.

She laughed and took the coffee from me, sipping on it. It warmed my heart to see her doing something as small as sharing my coffee. its amazing how beautiful she looked. her dark hair was in waves and I was so tempted to run my hands through it.

"So..." She started.

"So..." I replied as I took the coffee back from her. San opened her mouth, but no words came out, "San, did you mean everything you said yesterday?" I asked.

"Of course Britt." She said, "I- I want to be with you officially. I'm not ready for my family to know, but I don't want to hide you either. I know that this is why we didn't work but I promise I will tell people. Please don't be mad" said San quickly.

"San it's okay. Honestly I'm not ready to tell my parents... Well at least my mom. I might tell Rob though" i told her, "i believe you."

"Thanks Britt." She said. Her eyes were practically twinkling and her smile was wide. She reached out to grab my hand, but then stopped. "I just wish we were back at school."

"Why is that?" I asked.

"Because then I could kiss you without worrying that my parents will walk through that door" she said. "Lima is so tiny and everyone knows too much about each other. My pastor could easily walk through that door and I hate the fact that I care." She sighed deeply.

"San it's going to take a while to get used to it. We'll just see where this takes us okay?" I asked cautiously.

"yeah that works for me"

"Good because whatever this may be, I definitely want to see where it goes" I replied in all honesty. I couldn't keep the grin off my face as I finished my drink. "Is that a blush?" I asked laughing. San glared playfully at me.

"I don'ts blush" she said in a ghetto voice.

"Keep telling yourself that." she stuck her tongue at me.

* * *

My house was quiet when we arrived. It had already been a few hours that we spent walking around before the cold winter forced us to head to my home.

"Mom, Rob, Carla?" I called out. No one answered. "Hmm I guess no one's home" I shrugged heading to the kitchen. "You thirsty?" I asked as I grabbed a bottle of water. She took the bottle from me and followed me to my room. I closed the door as soon as she walked in and felt my heart flutter. Suddenly the fact that we were completely alone in my room became the only major thought in my head. Minor butterflies invaded my stomach and I did my best to wish them away. This was just Santana, my girlfriend. Oh my god she is really my girlfriend.

"Penny for your thoughts?" asked San, interrupting the overwhelming amount of thoughts in my head. She was standing right in front of me playing with a strand of my hair that escaped my ponytail. She was here, in my bedroom; all alone in an empty house. The idea was almost foreign to me. To think of all the times we had been alone and never did anything. All those wasted moments where we could have been making out or doing more.

I smiled at her, "Hmm my thoughts are definitely worth more than a penny" She laughed deeply just as I managed to kiss her. Her mouth was already open making it easier to deepen the kiss. My body was on fire, it felt like every kiss powered something in me that had never been used until San came along. I wanted more after every kiss; they were so addicting. My hands wrapped around her waist, pulling her closer to me. I didnt want there to be any space between us. Her hands tangled into my hair and started to caress my neck. Slowly our bodies moved in sync towards my bed. Little goosebumps started forming on my arms and suddenly my knees jolted causing me to fall onto my bed with San right on top. For a moment I opened my eyes and worried that Santana would run, but instead found our eyes locked in a warm battle. She smiled before leaning down and cradling her face into my neck. The feel of her on top of me was indescribable. It was a feeling that I knew would be imprinted in my head for a very long time.

"Mmm San" I groaned as her lips pressed soft kisses against my neck. My hands roamed the little bit of skin not covered by her shirt, drawing small circles on her waist. Her lips moved slowly from the crook of my neck, to my jawline until they were battling with my own in a heated kiss.

"Brit" yelled a voice. The door flew open and before anyone could react a startled voice said, "are you ho- well hello Santana"

"um Hey... Rob" replied a blushing Santana. "Well Britt-er I umm better get home."

"Wait San-" I said as she grabbed her jacket.

"ill call you later okay" she replied giving me one last look before she threw on her jacket and left. Before I had time to feel any type of way, my bed shifted. Rob sat at the very edge of the bed with a smirk on his face yet his body was tense.

"So... You and Santana?" He asked as I nodded, "I would have never guessed. Maybe 3 years ago, but not now." He laughed. I groaned and lay back onto my bed. "This should be more uncomfortable but I find it interesting. you're so closed up from the family; some may even consider you intimidating." I looked at him wondering what he was trying to say. I'm intimidating? How am I intimidating? "look I know we did not get along through most of high school. Your mom drove me crazy and I took it out on you. I'm... I'm so sorry if I made your life hell."

"Well it didn't make it any easier." I whispered remembering all the fights. All the times I came home from a great day only to have him yelling about how I was 10 minutes late and probably with a guy or the times when he would yell at me because I was studying instead of cleaning his bathroom. I tried so hard to forget the memories of feeling like a stranger in my own house, but he was not helping.

"I just wish I could have gotten to know you." he looked so sincere. Maybe it was time to let the past be just that; the past.

I stared at him and smiled, "you just want to know how long San and I have been together" I laughed as his grin grew wider.

"that too." He laughed, "Come on! How long?"

"Wait... You're really okay with this?" I asked. I had expected a long lecture about how immoral I was and how Santana was a bad influence on me.

"of course" he said, "I'm not that into the whole bible and church thing your moms into. How long have you and Santana-"

"You're worse than a girl" I teased before telling him my story. Who knows? Maybe I could finally have that father daughter friendship I always craved for as a child and maybe win one parent over. Lord knows I can never have this type of relationship with my biological father, so maybe Rob could take his place. Anyone who has the patience to deal with my mom, Carla, and me should be given the shot.

"Wow so all this time, you've had feelings for Santana." he said in wonder.

"yep"

"to think I thought you were just an angry teenager." he laughed, "so to be clear you didn't hate me?"

"of course not."

"Good. Well your mom and sister will be home soon. they went shopping, something about a 50% off sale at Forever 21." I laughed, thinking about my mom inside a modern clothing store. Carla was probably holding her hand, forcing her to endure the pain of shopping for "skanky" clothing as she called it. "You might want to give Santana a call- she seemed worried" he said as he left the room.

"I think I'm the one that should be worried" I sighed staring at my phone. I locked it and threw it to the farthest corner of the bed. I can't be the one to call, it has to be her. I need to know that she wants this as much i do. I rolled into my side and stared at the wall. Just 15 minutes ago I was making out with my girlfriend and now I'm wondering if rob scared her away.

* * *

"Britt" whined the voice of my sister.

"Carla?" I questioned, "why are you waking me? What time is it?"

"well dinner is in like an hour and your phones been going off non stop." She shrugged.

"crap" I groaned, what time is it?"

"almost 7"

"Great." I moaned, "mom must have had a field day."

"hmm well after she complained about ungrateful daughters that stay out all night and don't have the decency to pretend that they are not hungover- then she saw a fat lady in a skirt walking down the street and forgot."

"Ugh" i replied searching for my phone. I spotted it on the edge of the bed and stretched just enough to get it. i pushed the home button and my eyes nearly bugged out, "how did I not hear my phone. 4 missed calls and 10 texts"

"Jesus what San do?" asked Carla as she sat next to me.

"Rob caught us mid make out' I said closing my eyes as the memory replayed itself in my head.

"you're kidding" she laughed.

"Nope. She was on top and everything!"

"oh my god. What did he say?"

"He didn't care." I said with a huge smile.

"that's amazing" I nodded, "wait how did San take it?"

"thats the thing. I- I don't know. She sort of walked out. I haven't spoken to her. I fell asleep before she called."

"well what are you waiting for? Call her! You have 50 minutes before dinner." said Carla as she bolted out of the room.

With a sigh, i unlocked my phone and read over the messages.

**5:45pm: Please call me back.**

**5:50pm: Hear me out.**

**6:00pm: baby just call me when you get this text.**

There were many more just like that.

I smiled and hit the call back button.

"Hello" answered Santana within the first ring.

"I don't think you've ever answered the phone this quick" I laughed.

"Britt. Oh thank god" she said quickly.

"Hey San what's up?"

"Jesus Britt, don't what's up me! Britt I was worried. I called you like 5 times!"

"4 actually" I interrupted. I could practically hear her eyes rolling.

"I thought, I dont know I thought you were mad or that rob gave you a hard time" she answered, "I'm sorry I left. I freaked out and didnt want to see his reaction. I didn't want him to hate me."

"whoa San calm down" I replied. "He was okay with it"

"I can't calm down...really?" She breathed out.

"yes. He's actually happy for us."

There was a slight pause. "Britt I'm so sorry for not staying."

"it's okay San. I understand it was too much. He's my dad so I should deal with it."

"No, you didn't deserve to deal with that alone. Especially given the relationship you two share." she whispered.

"San this is all so new to both of us. I understand and I'm not mad at you. Plus he sort of apologized for being a jerk in the past."

"thanks Britt. That's...wow. I thought it would take him another 6 years to finally apologize for treating you like garbage." she said "so what did he say"

"Oh my god he's like a High school girl! You wouldn't believe what he said!" I laughed as I began the embarrassing story.

* * *

"finally! To think I thought you were going to sleep through dinner" said my mom annoyed.

"I've been awake for an hour" I sighed as I slid into my chair.

"you see this is why you shouldn't drink." she scolded passing me the spaghetti.

"mom this hand nothing to do with drinking. You saw me earlier I was awake and fine. i am just tired" I sighed.

"we'll so am I! You want to talk about tired. I work full time and I bake full time on the side." she argued.

" I know mom" I sighed knowing that I could not win this argument.

"don't show me attitude." She said angrily

"I'm not." I said.

"Girls!" Said rob, "it's dinner and for once we are all together. Lets have a nice conversation...please"

"okay" I grumbled.

There was silence for a few minutes until my mom put her fork down, "oh so you'll never guess who we saw today." said mom to Rob. "We saw William's son Edward. He was walking out of that Forever 21 store. He was holding hands with another boy; disgusting." She spat.

"Mom!" yelled Carla. Her hand found mine under the table.

"What? You know it's a sin!" Shrugged mom, "it's a nasty sin that the lord does not approve of." she said with disdain. "Frankly it is unnatural."

"Mom stop!" Said Carla angrily, "some of my closest friends are gay! So you're telling me I should treat them like they are gross and nasty people?"

"No honey god says to love them not the sin." she shrugged.

"Well what do you say?" asked Carla. At this point my appetite was completely gone.

Just as my mom was about to answer, I put my fork down, "I'm full" I said. The food felt like rocks going down my windpipe. "Thanks for dinner." I placed my plate in the sink and ran up the stairs to my room.

i plopped onto my bed and curled onto my pillow. Tears slid down my cheeks as my moms words played over in my mind. My door opened and soon hands played with my hair, soothing away all the stress.

"Britt it's okay." Said Carla, "mom loves you and will even if you are a lesbian."

"She thinks I'm nasty and disgusting!" I spit. "I'm bisexual, which she probably finds to be worse since I like both!" I cried out.

"She didn't say that" She replied softly.

"She may not have meant me, but it was implied" I said angrily. My head was starting to hurt, yet the only thoughts playing in my head were of the amazing girlfriend who should be here playing with my hair.

"It will be okay." she said gently. I turned to face her.

"Carls I'm giving up everything. I am giving up my religion, all my beliefs, and my mom for this. But it's worth it. I know it. She's worth it" I told myself more than Carla.

"I know she is" she replied.

"I hope it works out." I said as the tears kept falling.

"it will. Just give it a chance."

I nodded before letting my eyes close.

Author's Note: I am so sorry for the delay. Along with writers block, trying to balance working full time, school part time, and a girlfriend is pretty tough. Hopefully i'll have the next one up soon. Let me know what you think! :)


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee and any of its characters. This story is purely for fun.

_Author's Note: I feel bad for making you wait a month for the last chapter, so I decided to release this chapter early! Enjoy. Let me know what you think!_

Chapter 11: don't wake me up

"Oh it's so good to be home!" Squealed San as she flung herself onto my bed. Being on an airplane for 4 hours usually is a nightmare, but with all the stolen kisses and the fact that I could hold San's hand, I must say I would not have minded an extra few hours.

I watched as she rolled onto her side, whilst cuddling with my favorite pillow, "Haha I think being away has made you forget which bed is yours" I joked as I placed my bags onto my empty desk. I can't believe it has been almost a month. The last time we were here was last year!

San smiled at me before hugging the pillow tighter. "Nope I mean I've slept on both beds too many times, so I think it is best if we consider them both ours." Said San cheekily. My heart fluttered at the thought of us sharing our beds, or just the idea of sharing anything. "Come here" she said opening her arms and gesturing for me to follow. I smiled and joined her, enjoying the warmth she was offering. "Finally back in school and away from the prying eyes of our families"

"I'm guessing you mean Carla and Rob" I laughed as I turned to face her. The memory of my sister's face when she first walked in on us making out is an image I will never forget. She looked between horrified and curious the first time. The next few times she and Rob learned to knock. How my mom never found out, i'm still wondering.

"Yes." She said making me smile. She said our families, if this girl was trying to get into my pants, it was working.

"Yeah I think they have caught us making out way too much these last two weeks" I laughed.

"It's like they have a built in virgin alarm" she laughed, "now they choose to guard our virginities. They're 3 years too late" she joked making me cringe. The memory of that night, listening to San tell me about her first time with... John still makes my heart ache. I was so hurt and couldn't understand why I suddenly hated him. Of course now I understand why I cared so much, but at the time I was so lost. "Britt? Are you okay?" She asked breaking me from those horrible thoughts.

"Yeah I'm fine" I lied.

She rose her eyebrows at me, "liar, but it's okay I won't push you"

I stared at her in disbelief. She's kidding..right? How did she know? I looked at her and noticed the smile on her face.

"I know you Britt. I may have been clueless about my feelings, but the one topic I speak fluently, is you. Sure I don't know everything, but I know enough. Something's bothering you. Something's been bothering you since the new year." She sighed and suddenly her fingers were caressing my face, "I'm not going anywhere. Ill wait until you're ready to talk." I closed my eyes, enjoying the warmth her fingers were creating.

"Thanks" I replied softly before kissing her. I broke the kiss but kept my lips against hers, "so we are finally alone. In our own room with no one to interrupt and a lock on the door." I whispered as my hand travelled to the waistline of her jeans.

"Mhm" she said with a sexy smile. "Finally" I softly kissed her plump lips before tracing them down her jaw line until I reached the crook of her neck. I placed gentle kisses on her neck, making sure to not leave any love bites before travelling back to her lips. A surge of energy radiated through my body until suddenly I found myself on top of San, kissing her with everything I had. My heart was beating rapidly and my thoughts were filled with only San. I opened my eyes as our lips broke apart just to stare at the amazing woman underneath me. Her eyes were still closed, her face was a dark shade of red, and her hair was shaped like a curtain on my pillow; she looked beautiful. Her eyes opened as if sensing my own and for a moment we just stared. This-us- we were real. No more games, no more running, we were in this together. I smiled before colliding our lips together for a heated kiss. Our tongues battled for dominance as our hands roamed feeling any skin that was in its path. Her soft hands were on my back, placing pressure on my waist making a cold flash pass through my body. My arms moved so that they were holding my body weight. As if by reflex my body grinded softly into hers needing the friction. It needed to feel some sort of pressure. I'd never felt this before, never felt this kind of passion with anyone. It was all so overwhelming, yet amazing. My right hand moved from its spot next to her head and caressed her waist. Without much thought, I slowly moved my fingers, dragging them painfully slow up her abs until I could feel her bra. Her body twitched slightly, but before I could move my hand away, I was pulled fully on top of San, leaning all my weight above hers.

"Mmm San" I mumbled as her hands explored my own body. Her hands travelled from my back all the way down to my butt, squeezing softly.

"Britt…" she mumbled causing me to look at her, "Off" she whispered gesturing to my shirt. I nodded and leaned back, preparing to remove my shirt when a loud knock was heard. I stopped for a second, but didn't hear anything.

Just as I was about to lift my shirt, "Britt, San, I know you're in there. I saw your facebook status! Open up!" yelled the annoying voice of Rachel.

"Great! I think i'm going to kill her" I groaned as I threw myself back on top of San, resting my head in the crook of her neck. I turned to her and couldn't help but laugh at our luck.

"I really need to talk to you, please open up" begged Rachel.

We both shared a sigh as we caught our breaths and tried to calm our rapidly beating hearts.

"You should get that" whispered San. She didn't look angry or regretful; her eyes were extremely dark and full of what looked like lust, if possible.

"Fine," I sighed moving my head to capture her lips for one last time, "Mmm, but this will definitely continue later" I whispered.

"You bet it will" she said with a large smile, "Now go get rid of our neighbor, please" she laughed rolling out from under me, "I should freshen up. You know what airplanes do to me."

She pulled her shirt down and walked to retrieve her bag from the floor, bending in the process giving me an eyeful of her amazing thighs along with her plump butt.

"I can feel your eyes on my ass" she said loudly with a smirk on her face.

I shrugged, "We'll it's a nice ass" we both laughed as she found some clothing and went to the bathroom. "so worth it" I whispered before jumping off my bed and answering the door.

"About time Brittany!" said a disgruntled Rachel, "What were you doing anyway?" she asked. "You're hair looks like-" She looked at me and then her eyes opened widely, "Oh- er- you two were, I'm- uh"

"Calm down Rachel, we haven't gotten that far…yet" I laughed. "Doesn't mean we don't enjoy-"

"Okay, okay too much information" she said quickly throwing her arms up. "Umm is she in-"

"She's in the bathroom. Come in Rachel" I laughed pulling Rachel into the room.

"Are you sure?"

"Rachel you just interrupted a great make out session. If you don't start talking than I'm going to hurt you." I said glaring at her.

"Wow I'm glad you two are doing great" she stuttered.

"Yeah we are" i said with a smile, "now stop stalling" I smacked her side.

"I uh- I don't know where to begin" she hesitated.

"From the beginning would be nice" I shrugged earning a glare from her. "What?" I asked.

"You spend too much time with Santana." She shook her head. I looked towards the bathroom and smiled. There is no such thing as spending too much time with her, "that was not meant to be a compliment" she chastised making me laugh. "Well as you know after New Years, I spent some time with Quinn and her family in Boston."

"Oh yeah, how was that by the way?" I asked cutting her off and earning a glare from her. "Oh sorry, keep going"

"We were having so much fun. I met all her friends and really liked them all." She said softly, staring at the wall behind me. "Did you know that Finn Hudson went to high school with her?" Rachel asked catching me off guard.

"uhh- no-" Quinn and Finn? That is the worst combo, I mean their names rhyme!

"Did you know that they dated for about 3 years?" Rachel asked.

"Well that would explain how he managed to come here." I said remembering the airhead vibe he gave me. I can't picture him getting through the college process without any help.

"Britt, he's her ex high school sweetheart!" croaked Rachel.

"Okay? I mean didn't you and Finn dance like once at a party?" I asked confused, "I mean you didn't give off the vibe that you liked him. Do you?" I asked as I watched her face change expressions.

"No!" she yelled, "He's just so- and she's so-" I watched as Rachel stuttered, "They are so different. She actually dated him."

"But they broke up" I shrugged.

"That's beside the point!" She yelled, "I had to watch him make goo-goo eyes at her for like half the trip! He obviously still likes her. Do you think she still likes him? Do you think she'll take him back?" Rachel asked.

"Okay Rachel what's this about?" I asked, "If Quinn wanted him back don't you think she would have taken him back?"

"I just don't want to be unwelcome in my own room. I don't want to come to my safe haven only to find them there half naked on her bed! I don't want to have to make new friends so I can sleep over their rooms so she can spend nights with him. I don't want anything to change" I remembered all too well how difficult it was when San was dating Puck. Never knowing what to expect when I opened my room door or having to share my room with someone who wasn't worth her time and effort. Having to watch the one person I wanted, but couldn't have give all her attention to someone who wasn't you; it sucked. Wait- does she? I smiled at her before clearing my throat.

"Rachel, do you have- do you like Quinn?" I asked hesitantly.

"Well of course I like her. I consider her to be one of my best friends" responded Rachel.

"No I mean, as more than friends" Rachel looked confused, "Do you have a crush on her?" I asked bluntly.

"What?" Rachel yelled, "No!"

"Okay, sorry I was just-" I said trying to hide my smile.

"No, no. I- I should go." She said quickly shaking her head. "I'll see you guys later, for dinner. Tell Santana I said Hi"

"But Rache-" She was out the door before I could blink.

"Wow so Berry has definitely lost her mind" said San as she opened the bathroom door.

"Did you wait for her to leave?" I asked.

"I figured that you'd want some privacy with her." Shrugged San.

"Thanks San" I said smiling wide, "You heard everything didn't you?"

"Yep- so how long before you think Rachel realizes she has a huge crush on her roommate?" asked San as she joined me on my bed.

"Oh trust me, I think she knows; she's in denial. I'd recognize that stage anywhere." I sighed. "Do you think that Quinn might like her back?" I asked

"I don't know" replied San, "You never know. I'm pretty sure no one would have expected us to get together." She shrugged.

"You're right. There's always hope. I just hope Rachel is okay" I sighed.

"She will be." Replied San as she leaned against my pillow. "Now where were we?"

I laughed and pushed her onto her back, "Right about here"

* * *

We walked hand in hand to the dining hall. No one stared or made any comments. We were just two ordinary women about to eat dinner. San kept her head tall and stared directly ahead; almost stoic like. It was like walking with a robot. Her hand was cold and the only way I knew she was mentally here with me was by the strong grip she held on my own hand. Im pretty sure i'd have small bruises on my hand tomorrow.

"San, it's okay" I told her, "No one cares. It's just us; half the people here don't know us." I whispered. She nodded, but said nothing. I spotted Rachel and Quinn sitting by our usual area. Quinn seemed to be doing most of the talking, while Rachel watched her and listened intently.

"Oh my god, so it's true! You two are finally official and holding hands in public!" she practically yelled, "It's so good to see you guys!"

"Hey Quinn!" I laughed hesitantly as I realized that San had nothing to say to her.

"Uh Earth to Santana?" said Quinn as she waved a hand in front of her face.

"Its our first time out in public" I whispered earning a nod from Quinn.

"Ooh. Well I guess it's a good thing that none of us are popular or well known then." Joked Quinn.

"Yeah. Thank god." I replied halfheartedly as I remembered Jen and the other dance team members.

Dinner was going by smoothly and slowly San was coming out of her shell. Even Rachel was becoming her talkative self again and joining in on the conversation. For once it felt like we were back to normal, that is until a voice ruined it.

"Hey ladies" said the smooth voice of Noah Puckerman. He pulled a chair up to our table and sat backwards in it facing San.

"What do you want Puckerman?" asked Quinn angrily.

"Calm your panties Fabray, I'm here to speak to Santana." He then focused on San, "So I've called you"

"Ok" she nodded unfazed and moving her fork around the plate.

"Well you haven't called back or answered any of my texts" he said annoyed.

"Shouldn't that have been a sign Puck, I'm not interested." she replied taking a bite of her salad.

"You seemed pretty interested earlier in the vacation" he said snarkily.

"I was drunk and upset." She mumbled avoiding contact with me. Her hand moved and for a second I thought she would let go, but to my surprise she held my hand tighter. This gave me all the courage that I needed. Someone had to make him back off and San was not ready.

I looked at him and glared, "Look Puck we'd appreciate it if you let us eat our food in peace. San obviously doesn't want you here." I said annoyed.

"She can speak for herself" said Puck with his trademark smirk.

"Her actions spoke enough. Just leave" I nearly yelled.

"why do you care? I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to her."

I sighed and put my fork down, "Because I have every right to care especially when it's my girlfriend you're trying to pressure into having sex with you! So excuse me if I'm a little angry at how you're treating her or our relationship!" I yelled. Thank god its already loud in the dining hall. Shit, shit, shit, shit! I yelled in my head. Any minute San's going to bolt or scream at me; I couldn't look at her and instead focused all my attention on Puck. Even if this was not the best way to tell him, he had to know I was not joking.

He looked at San and shook his head. He stood up slowly and without saying another word; walked away. For a moment we were all quiet; the only sounds coming from our table was the sound of utensils scraping our plates.

"Well I'll see you tomorrow okay?" I said standing up. I couldn't sit there any longer in the awkward silence. Not to mention I felt like a complete idiot. Slowly I brought my tray to the conveyer belt and placed all my dirty dishes in their before walking quickly to the stairs and leaving. The cold air did nothing to clear my head of the confusing thoughts. Should I be mad that she spoke to him at all during the vacation? Honestly he said it was in the beginning. San and I were fighting in the beginning and I was spending time with Jen. So why was I so hurt and confused?

"Britt!" yelled a voice, "Slow down please" I kept sprinting, just staring at the door to our dorm hall that was almost in arms length away. Just as I pulled my key card from my pocket, A hand grabbed my arm and spun me around. "Britt"

"What's up Quinn" I asked.

"Nothing I was just giving her time to catch up" shrugged Quinn who turned and gestured to the two figures that were almost near us. "I'm the fastest runner aside from you" she shrugged, "Just hear her out. That's all you can do." She whispered before swiping her keycard and leaving. I took a few deep breaths and sighed.

"Britt" said San out of breath, "I forgot how fast you walk." I raised an eyebrow., "not that, that's a bad thing or anything."

"Yeah so I'm going inside." Interrupted Rachel, whom I hadn't noticed was standing there. When she left, we stood there in silence. After a couple of minutes I swiped my keycard and opened the door.

"Wait , I'm not a great speaker. I am just gathering my thoughts. It's kind of hard to do when you're practically running and have Berry yelling at you." She said grabbing onto my arm. "Can we go somewhere else to talk. Our room is a bit, distracting." I stared at her for a moment before holding the door open.

"Okay, follow me" I said.

I led her down to the basement and found one of the private study rooms. Luckily it was the first day back and no one needed to study.

"Britt, I promise you that it was just one text." San said, "I was so upset, then I saw you talking to Artie and something in me snapped. I wanted to yell, cry, scream; anything to make these feelings go away. It's no excuse, but I thought I had completely lost my chance." Tears fell down her cheeks and instantly al the anger left. Here she was, my girlfriend crying in front of my face. All I wanted to do was grab her and make her stop. "Berry found me drinking my third shot of tequila. You know I underestimated her tolerance. The girl can do a straight tequila shot with a straight face." She laughed, "She spoke to me and for once I listened. After our talk, I deleted his number and facebook. I wanted to prove to you that I could make it work." She said softly, "So Berry helped me because I am clueless at this. I've never been in a stable relationship, nevertheless one with a female. I don't know what I'm doing. I've never had to defend my relationships, nor have I ever felt the need to. In the dining hall, I just didn't know how to say it; I froze." She grabbed my hand and knelt in front of me, "Thank you for defending me. Thank you for defending us." I stared at her in shock. I had thught she was going to scream and lash out at me for telling our business to him. I didn't think she'd thank me.

"You're not mad?"

"Not at you. It was actually really…hot seeing you yelling at him and defending us." She smirked, "So are we okay?" she asked hesitantly.

"Yes"

"Good because the next time you run away I'm going to hurt you" she teased before I felt her lips on mine. Yes this is so worth everything I'm giving up because I am definitely gaining more. Now to tell Jen and the dance team.

Author's Note: Was it too cheesy? This story shows the feelings i'm experiencing so it means a lot that all of you have been reading it and enjoying it. Thanks for all the reviews. I'll have the next chapter up as soon as I can.


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